Recently my girlfriend has been opening up a lot of things to me, but the most shocking one was about her uncle. She told me that he ruined part of her childhood and constantly nags on her parents for money and help, even though he never returns the favor or thanks them.When I asked her how he ruined part of her childhood, she told me that her uncle molested her. I asked her if anyone knew and she told me that only her mother knows, but that her father may know. I didn't ask her what age she was when this happened, or how badly he molested her because I really didn't know what to think and I didn't want to hurt her by talking about it. Obviously I got really mad/sad and I asked her why she and her mom didn't try to do something about it, but she said it would only be her word against his word. She told me not to worry about it and that it had made her a lot stronger over the years, however I'm really worried that it has affected her psychologically, even though she hasn't shown any problems. Because I hear and read all these stories and articles about how the victims end up becoming very depressed, have paranoia, anxiety attacks, etc.And I'm afraid of what would happen, especially once we start getting sexual. From what I know, she's only had sex once, and she said that she and her ex got drunk to do it and that she completely regrets losing her virginity.I don't know if this is a sign of being insecure becasue of the molestation, but she doesn't like it when I rub her stomach; shes fine if I put my hand on it, but not if I rub it. However, I think that might be because she used to be kind of fat, and since losing all the weight, she has become insecure about the areas in which she was fatter, but I don't know.My best friend's girlfriend was also molested by her uncle, but she has never shown any problems, although she doesn't like talking about it which is normal of course.Since my girlfriend told me about it, I haven't brought it up, because I don't know if she will want to talk about it, and I don't want to hurt her by bringing it up. Any opinions? Are child molestations actually quite common?
All you can really do is give it time, see if anything manifests itself, and do what you can to keep a totally open relationship. Lots of us never said a word and it came up later, others are able to put it behind them. Simply put: Love her.
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
Quote:She told me not to worry about it and that it had made her a lot stronger over the years, however I'm really worried that it has affected her psychologically, even though she hasn't shown any problems. Because I hear and read all these stories and articles about how the victims end up becoming very depressed, have paranoia, anxiety attacks, etc. I want to point out something. Each person handles it differently. This is going to sound bad…….but.. A 1 time or few times is going to effect a person differently than over a long period of time. Also you got to factor in age, violent % (I dk if I’m saying that right) the period of time, the type of molestation.. Lots of shit. DON’T get me wrong.. any and all of it is WRONG……. But it’s just some people deal better than others. I don’t want to scare you but sometimes when problems arn;t seen cuz we’ve learn how to hide them so dam well. Quote:I'm afraid of what would happen, especially once we start getting sexual. From what I know, she's only had sex once, and she said that she and her ex got drunk to do it and that she completely regrets losing her virginity. If things start getting to her your going to have to be understanding. I have the best girl in the fucking world cuz she’s so understanding. For me and my girlfriend the more playful we are the better. Playfulness wasn’t in my past so I don’t get the flash backs. Getting head is hard cuz I get very nervous. She knows not to say certain words or sentences.. Like she knows not to tell me to relax.. I’d go nuts. It helps her (my girl) know what not to do by me talking to her telling her what she (medusa) did and said to me. Getting drunk.. I’ve done that. When I get some liquor in me I get horney.. I had to drink to fuck around with Lindsey. I’ve done it with Shannon.. She Don’t like it cuz she knows how hard it hits me when I sober up. I still fill guilty for the shit I put her threw while we had our short break up… I don’t want to get into that, that’s a butt load of problems I don’t want to deal with. But I know very well being drunk will allow you to do things you wouldn’t never done sober. Quote:I haven't brought it up, because I don't know if she will want to talk about it, and I don't want to hurt her by bringing it up. Any opinions? For me.. I’ll bring it up when I need to talk. Other wise I’m trying to avoid it. Quote:Are child molestations actually quite common? More common than people think…… and done buy people, people wouldn’t expect. both me and mudusa are belived to have been molested buy our cusin when he was a teen. i was just 1 and she was only 4. it's fustrating cuz i don't remember....and can't ask her. what made this discussion even come up wiht my parents is at a family thing this man i had never met ....terrified me so much and i have no clue why. we have no proof.. only things my brother and sister remebers and temperment changed my parents said i did. i'd never known this if it wasn;t for soem freak cusiz freakign me and sara out. She said he creeped her out too and kept callign her by mudusa's name and tryign to be close to her.. She said she avoide dhim as much as she coudl too. what hurts abotu this the most (right now.. and am cring) is if he hadn;t done this shit maybe she hadn;t turned out liek she did. I kinda blaime him for turning her into a monster.