I was unsure as to where to post this, but I guess seeing as it was regarding my partner, this would seem the most likely place.When my partner was 6, she was abused as a child. Her step father touched her and obviously made her touch him, no intercourse happened. This only happened once.This man is now dead, which he is probably better off being in my eyes, but I'm wondering if she will ever recover from it?It wasn't until she was 11 when she told her mother about the molestation, and the police were involved, along with therapy, the therapy continued for around a year.She is a very healthy and happy young woman, she is very open to me about what happened, and is willing to discuss it. However I'm very troubled by it. I struggle to look at pictures of her when she was that age, due to what happened. I get flashes of what it must have been like for her and it does get me down.I have done nothing but support the girl when she has needed me, and spoken to her about the abuse when she has needed it. But I'm scared I'm turning myself in to the victim a little, and I don't want it to tear the relationship apart.Like I say, she says she is over it, and she is extremely happy with her life. But how do I know if she is only saying she is over it? She doesn't show any signs of being scarred by the abuse, but I know she thinks about it. She doesn't necessarily get depressed by it now, but I just want to make sure she is as happy as she claims and I want to be there to help her get over it the best she can if she is only acting.Please answer my questions the best you can and share your thoughts, thank you.
-
Partner was abused as a child [slightly graphic]
-
As the cliche goes - scars heal but never quite go away.However, it seems like she's fine and you're not. Perhaps the right question to ask is: why do you feel down about it when she doesn't?Is it because you feel that you're responsible for her well being? There are obvious answers that come up but I think digging deeper will allow you to find a reason that more about you than her.
-
Yes I feel very responsible about her safety. I'm unsure as to what specifically brings me down about it, but I end up thinking of it at any point during the day.
-
It seems to me that if she has gotten over it and has moved on, you bringing it back to the forefront are starting to make it an issue.It almost seems as if you are viewing her as "damaged goods". You can't get it out of your head and if you keep it up, you could ruin the relationship if you yourself can't let it go.
-
i agree with sdp and jluo. If she is as she claims "over it", then she was probably just telling you as a way for her to express how much she trusts you. to keep bringing up a part of her history that is/was troublesome at 1 point in her life may make her feel degraded and less worthy of your affections. if she is over it, i believe you need to be as well. it sounds like you may need closure where she has already found hers.
However, If she is somewhat shady, i would beware the "only 1 time incident" bc she may just be trying to gain your "sympathetic" attention. meaning she wants you to feel sorry for her and take care of her. -
Communication is key. It's great you are that sensitive to her unfortunate incident, & are there for her offering support. In addition, i think you have provided a means for her to be free & comfortable to express herself openly if she feels she needs to. And that's about all you can do. If thoughts or memories trouble her at any time, it's up to her to communicate them to you. You've provided her with a very good forum for her to be able to reach out.
It is very normal and very understandable for you to be troubled by it, as you love & care for her so much, and that this is such a very sad, bad disturbing incident. You may want to seek outside professional counseling on dealing with it, what it means for you, and for help coping with an unfortunate past occurrence that you cannot change. Just an option to consider, because your being troubled by it & involving her in how it affects you does not exactly help the healing process, although she seems to you as if she 's "healed". Which is why i suggested outside counseling for yourself.