"If you're not in a religious order that requres it, or have no sex drive and are happy with that, could someone please explain to me why it's good to be a virgin at 27?"Like previously mentioned, it's a measure of one's strength, willpower, and an indication of their morals/beliefs. Mostly pertaining to waiting for marriage... as the number of 20+ year old's that are virgins for other reasons is very small. There are a lot of reasons to wait for marriage, especially considering the divorce rate these days. If you're stong enough to wait, you're strong enough to make things work.I'm 22 and am feeling mostly hopeless. But I'd feel much worse if I slept with someone prematurely.
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Oldest virgin here? and how old are you right now
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I am 42 and a virgin. I think that hard as i might try to explain you wouln't understand it. it's complicated. I really would love to have sex and there are times i have regretted not doing it. but at the same time I am proud of what i have accomplished. i know you may not understand, but it's not something i need to be ashamed of. As you could bet, i get really torqued when i hear people say things like well kids are gonna have sex anyway or how can you expect them not to or you cant' expect someone in their 20s whos not married to stay a virgin. that's crap. I'm not saying it's as easy for all as it is for others, and it hasn't always been easy for me, but i'm proof it is possible.So all you young kids on here bitchin and moaning about wanting to have sex and you can't wait. I don't want to hear it!
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I hate to be a hardass, but it sounds like a rationalization.Some people fear possible commitment, some people have disabling performance anxiety, some people think denial will give them spiritual insights not otherwise obtainable.Some people get their whole body tatooed, some Opus Dei folks flog themselves, some people are into various forms of masochism, some people practice abstinence (which is the denial of a basic human drive).
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Some people have feelings and don't want to get hurt. People can become very much incapable of getting emotionally close to anyone after getting attached to someone that cheats, dumps, or otherwise hurts them. Sex doesn't have everything to do with that, but it damn sure doesn't help the matter. And it's far too easy for those that get hurt to want to just fuck someone to ease the lonliness and pain, especially if there's nothing left to lose. Those that do so end up starting the cycle all over by hurting someone due to their strong feelings for a previous lover and their deep seated fear of getting attached and hurt again. People that don't give a shit (or can't), and have nothing to lose, aren't as likely to keep lasting relationships.I don't believe fearing possible commitment plays a factor so much, as everyone wants to find a perfect mate or true love to begin with, whether or not they recognize or admit it later in life. There just aren't people content with being alone and/or without sex (primal urge, as was said). Shyness or performance anxiety affects only something less than 1% of guys to the point that they remain virgins past the age of 20. Girls aren't affected to that point for various reasons..Waiting for religious reasons is just as well to me, as it still shows a person's level of strength and commitment. And there are most likely other reasons, including the ones above, as well as the obvious ones like pregnancy, STD's, etc. Unfortunately, most that wait for religious reasons don't seem to want to marry someone any less religious than themselves.Steve, you lost me on the last part. You seem to be describing things openly done to make a statement or attract a certain type of attention. I don't know of a lot of people, especially guys, that brag about being 20+ year old virgins (actually, I don't know of but 3 other virgins my age, aside from those in this thread). After all, there must be something wrong with those who wait, right? Especially if the ones waiting have dicks.
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Answers like that are the reason I hesitated postingin the first place. I can't tellyou how wrong you are.Why do my reasons have to be rationalization. Just because you didn't make the same choice you think that I'm hiding some deep dark secret behind rationalizations? That's just bullshit. In reply to: Some people fear possible commitment, some people have disabling performance anxiety, some people think denial will give them spiritual insights not otherwise obtainable. And some people have made some very difficult decisions for some well thought out reasons that you obviously wouldn't understand. I don't understand why in the world you want to be so judgmental about this. It seems to me like it almost bothers you that there are well-adjusted guys my age who have made a decision to not have sex. And theonly way you can wrap your brain around it is to think of us as defective, or dejected, or like some star wars geek who can't get laid. Broaden your mind Buddy. In reply to: abstinence (which is the denial of a basic human drive). No. It is not the denial of a basic human need. While sex is necessary for the propogation of the species, it is not a biological necessity for a person, like food and water. There are times when I feel like I want to pop someone upside the head. But I don't. That is not denying a need or a desire. It is acknowledging the desire, but making a decision to not pop the person. Believe me, I am well aware of my desire to have sex. Always have been. no denial at all. I've just made a decision around that desire.I'm sorry you don't understand.
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Im 14 and will lose it the first chance i get lol why wait?
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21, virgin, pissed off
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17, still a virgin, I'd say a few of my friends have lost theirs, but most still are virgins.
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Well that sure garnered a strong reaction. I wouldn't hesitate to post here unless you expect unconditional acceptance. But don't not post here because I may disagree with your thesis.In reply to:Shyness or performance anxiety affects only something less than 1% of guys to the point that they remain virgins past the age of 20.Detached_Reality, this I do not believe. Not at all. Do you have anything to support this contention?To me, not having sex would be like not skiing...a Calvinistic denial of pleasure. I understand that to ski, you just have to drive to the ski area, buy a lift ticket, and strap on the boards. Having sex within the confines of a relationship requires a relationship, and that can be complicated.But telling me how denying yourself pleasure makes you a better person is baffling. Do you have to abstain from masturbation as well?
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You shouldnt really be mad if you are a virgin at an older age. That just means you arent the kind of person who has sex with whoever is willing-it means you are waiting for the right person.Would you want to tell your kids or friends or someone else, "I'm not sure who i lost my virginity to, i was to drunk and plus i never even knew there name." Come on now. That is a special thing someone ia taking away, so it should be someone special. ok-back on subject. 16 and a virgin
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In reply to:You shouldnt really be mad if you are a virgin at an older age.I wouldn't be mad, but I'd be sad that I hadn't found that special someone by the time I hit middle age. Or one of those special someones. It might make me introspective, wondering what's really going on.
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Why do you think that someone who has remained a virgin hasn't met "that special someone"? That's quite a leap.
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Regarding the percentage of 20+ year old male virgins, I was referring to what I remembered from this book:http://www.love-shy.com/Gilmartin/Dr._Brian_G.Gilmartin-Shyness&_Love-(onepage).pdfThe number mentioned in the intro is actually approx 1.5%. I'm sure there are more details and/or references further in.
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In the context of the poster to whom I was replying, I was was addressing the issue of folks who would like to but haven't, and who are not monks or masochists.
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That's a 736-page PDF book. I was looking for footnotes, and all I found was a bibliography.The first sentence of the very long introduction says:In reply to:Only about 5.5 percent of the male population in America never marries. Approximately 50 percent of this group is believed to be composed of homosexuals who have chosen not to marry. And about one-half of what remains is composed of heterosexual men who for a variety of personal reasons have similarly chosen on a voluntary basis not to marry.This book is about heterosexual, "single, never married" men who have never voluntarily chosen to remain "single, never married", but who have been constrained to remain that way because of severe shyness in informal social situations involving women. This form of chronic, severe shyness can best be labeled "love-shyness". And it afflicts approximately 1.5 percent of all American males. More succinctly, love-shyness will effectively prevent about 1.7 million males currently residing in the United States from ever marrying and from ever experiencing any form of intimate sexual contact with a woman.I suspect his statistics are out of date. But whether it's a small number or a large number, the folks that the book addresses have a psychological issue that's keeping them from being happy and fulfilled. Their chances of meeting the "right person" are slim because they have a difficult time meeting anyone. These sound like unhappy people.It was interesting to read the author's comments on Philip Zimbardo. He's done some very important research, but it's interesting to get an insight into his psychotherapy techniques.
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In reply to:
In the context of the poster to whom I was replying, I was was addressing the issue of folks who would like to but haven't, and who are not monks or masochists.
Well I'm sorry, but that's not the context of the post to which you were replying. He was obviously talking about someone who made a choice to stay a virgin. You can meet lots of 'special someones' and choose not to have sex. Even those of us who aren't virgins haven't had sex with every 'special someone' who came along.
Well I'm sorry
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At this point I'm not even sure which "he" you're tiling about. Viewing in threaded mode was even more confusing.Let's have a "seeing the forest for the trees" moment. At the risk of offending some people who have chosen to abstain from sex for a religious or whatever reason, there are a lot of people who abstain for lack of a partner. The book discussed above addresses that issue. I'm trying to get the point across that there are people who go without relationships (plus or minus sex) because of some internal psychological issue. Sometimes people choose not to recognize it, and then rationalize that they're in a noble pursuit of self-enlightenment, or some such thing. Then they don't deal with it.If Brad Pitt decided to abstain from sex, I wouldn't question it. If an average person did, I'd at least think about it.
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Well of course there are people who abstain from sex because they can't meet people...or because they have some emotional/psychological difficulty...or lot's of other reasons.But there are also well-adjusted, socially active people who chose to not have sex for any of several well thought out reasons. We may not make the same decision. Hell, we might even disagree with them. But that doesn't make them anything less than normal or healthy.
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Society is a funny thing.. It many times dictates that people do things against their desires or instincts, and it will punish or even kill those that do whatever the hell they want. Therefore, we have to set priorities and prepare to face consequences that animals don't (or won't knowingly) face.The reason I say this is because you keep implying that humans are animals and shouldn't deny themselves their most basic needs and desires, and that by doing so they must be masochists. You seem to acknowledge religion as a reasonable priority for some, but not love/commitment/marriage. As you put it in another thread, "commitment is unnatural in the animal kingdom".. that may be true, but we have society to deal with, good or bad (the society I've come to know and hate is totally hypocritical about these things).
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Another important point is how waiting for marriage can weed out most people that would like to take your virginity, who may not care about, or even be able to keep a committed relationship (especially tricks and scumbags). You may think that after you've been together for X amount of time, they are committed enough, but it may very well be that nothing better came along for them. I'm saying this from experience, and I do mean years.. The best way to trust that someone will be true is to find a mate that is also waiting. It may sound like keeping "too high standards" out of denial, fear, or whatever, but it's not in my case, at least. I fear losing the opportunity with someone special much more than the anxiety I will face by talking to them (even though that can be very serious). Been there, and it was rough..