Kinda of a screwed day

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OK I feel like a Dum A$$! it's ur 16th birthday NOT on the 16th Grrrrrrrrrrrr Geeeeeez Aurgggggggggwell, HaPpY HaPpY birth day !!!!!

Thanks guys... Cr .. Your ok today bro?

yeahh i'm ok. i'm just really really SLOW lol

Great.. My best.. and seems to be only friend.. is going on home schooling/ Independent study.. you all know that.. Well i was talking to my dad.. and he is like i have to tuff high school out.. it isn't that bad.. blah blah... He goes cont. school is just for fuck ups.. and you dont have to work to pass blah blah.. and i wont learn on my own blah blah... That prick.. I wish i could tell him.. I want to go on it cause school is what makes me sucidal.. depressed.. reason i started drinking.. and probably.. weed.. and even smoking cigs... SCHOOL... It was the first cause.. then everything added to it... I outta walk in there.. Hey.. You fuck.. listen.. Im sucidal.. im have been depressed for over a year.. i have had 4 attempts... I drink.. i do drugs.. You know why?! SCHOOL.. But no.. i should stick it out.. Guess what dad.. much longer there.. you will by burrying me.. YES I WILL KILL MYSELF.. It was nice that you got along with everyone in your small town.. and didnt have to deal with getting killed.. or Teachers not teaching... Thats what i should tell him.. But i wont cause he would think its BS.. You know.. no one ever thought of this.. Maybe i have a learning problem ... But its always been cause i dont apply myself.. or i screw around to much.. Fucking parents.. They dont understand.. espeacilly my dad.. He dosn't.. My mom does cause she went to the HS i goto!!

Well... I talked to my friend tonight.. Its confirmed.. He is getting paperwork tomorrow.. It should be by next week.. or so.. and then I'm phucked... I cant take more lonlyness.. disapointment.. Now.. Im a loner.. Im just going to start ditching more.. doing more weed.. I told my mom tonight.. I go this was my last day.. I offically dropped out.. Then later on she is like school wont be so bad.. I go w/e.. Im gonna blow myself up.. ( basicly told her im gonna kill myself ) ... So now im here.. posting on this board.. In tears.. like it seems more and more often i'm doing... Im happy for him.. Its like he escaped prison.. but now im alone in prison.. I know other people.. But i think im just a big annyence to them.. Just want to talk within there little group of friends.. and thats it... So... I'm back to square one.. Alone.. Im dropping out.. I dont care anymore.. I wont live to see 20 anyways.. This depression rules my life.. atleast it seems like it anymore.. Used to be depressed for a a weeks.. a month.....then a month or so break.. but now it seems to be more and more constant.. especilly for the last 3 or so months.. I take it anymore.. Im on the edge.. and im about to break.. Im even listening to happy music.. and im still in tears.. Happy music dosnt even help me anymore.. My depression seems to get worse and worse.. I cant take it anymore.. I dont care anymore.. Im buying a bag of weed.. crack.. alcohol.. something.. and im gonna say fuck school.. and do it there.. I problaby cant even get ahold of any of that.. but still.. Im gonna go now.. Bye guys

It seems that no matter what high school you go to you will see people who prefer to be by themselves. I'm not saying you want to be by yourself or anything, but just hear me out. I got to talking to a guy that always wanted to sit on the steps by himself while drawing in the high school cafeteria's veranda. After a short conversation, I asked why he didn't hang out with anyone. He told me that he didn't really like anyone, that nobody wants to know him anyways, and that drawing is more pure and keeps him company. He seemed to be a very intelligent person. Anyways, what i'm trying to get at is maybe you can take up a hobby. Not necessarily drawing, but something you can do while you're in school. I see lots of people who read books out in the veranda too.

See.. When im alone.. Im depressed.. and when im at school and alone.. I just want to kill everyone.. Another Columbine.. I hate people that much..

Well, sometimes it takes a little effort to start making different friends, but it can be done. Killing yourself or anyone else IS NOT a solution to anything. You're strong and I'm sure you won't let that get to you.

When happy music doesn't help, sometimes really sad music helps a lot more.Another thing that can help is helping others. It can be good to take our mind off our own troubles. In all that crowd at school, FaBMX, I bet there are other people who feel a lot like you. Perhaps you can help them feel they are not alone.

I feel good today.. almost got someone killed.. He almost electructed him self.. and i found that amusing...