Ok help

---

Well me and my finacee have been going through a really bad patch latley and ive TREID to talk to him but nothing is changing...hes moaning all the time about every tiny lil thing. he takes it out on me n baby by shouting at us and constanly swearing at everything that goes wrong(say the cat doesnt eat its dinner or he cant get the lid of the jam) its driving me mad we have got money problems at the moment but really the way hes acting is stupid. I dunno how long i can but up with all of this, he never ever supports me (job wise or whatever) he never has anything encourging to say he always say "yeah ok" thats it and i need support n encourage ment it would be nice to have that once in a while. I want him to leave but i love him and im scared if he does we wouldnt be able to afford certain things for baby or for the house im so confused can anyone help at all??? no point in saying talk cause it never ever works...

thats what im thinking of doing but there are sooooo many ties to him

My only concern is that things will only get worse once you are married to him. Why is he your fiance again? I have not heard one good thing about him (I don't think). Maybe start distancing yourself for the big break, no one needs to put up with shit like that. Than he'll get all luvie duvie wanting you back and if you fall for it you;ll be back on the same boat for round two. Be happy on your own, and THEN you can find happiness with a partner, but having a partner is not a solution to anything, it just makes people feel "less alone" in this forsaken world.

i know but its so hard its baby im worried about hell miss his dad like mad but i guess really i have to think of my self once in a while i cant cope my heads fuck n im breaking down as i type this isnt me n i dunno what the fuck to do damn it

Hi Fluffy,

Uh-oh, sounds like we have a depressed kitty in the house! You want to tell me more about this? I've read your past posts with great interest and from what i've seen on the board you present yourself as a very fun, affable young lady.

But you've hinted at some underlying personal problems that have been festering inside of you. Obviously I don't know that much about you but I do know you've been battling depression for quite awhile. Also I remember you mentioning that at one point you were trying to have another child with this guy, right? Sexpert is right. To my knowledge i can't remember you mentioning any of this guys positive attributes. So I have 4 broad questions:

1. Can you tell us about this guy?
2. How long have you two been frigid with each other? What caused this?
3. What is maintaining this disharmony?
4. Talk me through your feelings.

We're on your side here Ms. Fluffy, so please be open and honest.

Best
Django

thanks dj this is really weird as i have never been able to open up ok but ill try...jay my finacee is a great dad but its like im his first real girlfriend and well he can be loving like once in a blue moon, but i guess im the sorta person who likes to have love alot. I want my son brought up in a loving enviroment not like the one i was brought up in...He works alot which of course im used to now but when he is at home hes either moaning about every little thing or shouting over nothing..take yesterday for instance i went to the dentist to have a filling i was sooo scared, he didnt once try n be nice about it to me he just ignored me. when i came out i had actully fainted in there cause of being so nervous, daft i know but when i told him about it and he saw me still shaking he really didnt give a shit he carried on moaning that we didnt have any money!!!! Ok so we dont have any money but we have enought to have a house n food n warmth n clohtes isnt that all that matters??? When we got home from the dentist i really needed a lay down but he was like come on help me put these sheleves up so i did n cause i was shaking n moving it about he was swearing at me loads, i asked why he was like this n he said im not in the mood. Hes never in the mood he seems to think he can be like this n then id forget it but it gets me down way to much. I have been feeling like things have been getting bad for about 3 months now and they are gradully getting worse. Most of the time hes in a mood about money but sorry to say this but we have not just got us to think of we have baby as long as he has everything n we have food warmth n clothing to me i aint botherd about the rest, but he just constanly moans and he just stays in a bad mood for ages. I have talked to him about it so many times but nothing ever changes, I cant have this going on around my son cause he loves his dad and i can tell he gets upset if he hears him shouting and stuff. I mean he does have his good points like when he spends time with baby they are great together and he reads him a story every night and makes sure hes settled. But its also like hes to stricked with baby, like everytime he wants something i go to give it him (depending on what it is) he shouts n says no he aint having it n then we argue about that its like hes questioning my parenting skills or something. Like this new volenteer job i have just taken i was soooo happy i got it cause its sumat i really wanna do not once did he say oh great or well done not once at all. I could go on for ever but i wouldnt i cant actully believe im telling you lot all of this its so stupid....sorrythanks for trying to help thought

Hi Fluffy,Glad you were able to post back. One thing first. I certainly understand the reluctance to open up. But try to appreciate the benefits of beig anonymous on the board. There's small chance anyone on this board knows you (well I remember you do have a friend who's registered), but then again there's always the pm system. I've seen great therapy happen between strangers at a bar, confession, or even a cemetary believe it or not. Thats why I come back here.But sadly I only get half the story . So from what I know I only have a few observations:1. You say you have a hard time opening up. Thats fine. But have you had the same problem with your guy? There's some disconnection going on.2. Your guy is young. Real young. Is he really happy with you? How do you know? It sounds like he's resentful and backpeddling. In your dentist example, if it was such an ordeal why wasn't he playing the loving hubby role? Someone else may have to make him aware of his insensitivity. Or again, back to #1, it could be you are expecting him to read your mind. Open up. And be honest.3. Lastly, I don't get something. You're all over the place Kitty. Volunteering job, taking care of your son, and you're frequently on this board. We love having you sister, but where's room for your guy? He needs attention. Give it too him. I hear bitching and moaning from both of you. Teeth, job, shelves, extracurricular activities. All distractions that prevent you from being honest with each other. Don't reply to this post until you bake the guy a big choco cake and find out whats eating at him.Best of luck Kitty!! Django

okie dokie last nite we had a really really long talk cause we just ended up not speaking at all. i told him everything how i felt he didnt love me and how i need more support from him. He told me its the money problems we have been having getting him down but things will be back to normal in that area next week so he said he was trying to make it up to me.I told him i am not coping with him shouting so much and neither is baby i told him about baby not liking it too and that it wasnt fair. He said i should talk to him properly more often cause we end up like this if we dont which is true. So anyhow we are going to put alot of work into it now cause its the only chance as i dont think we can cope going through something like this again. He was very upset as he thought he was going to lose me n stuff, i guess i do love him but we need to work really hard on what we want and need.
thanks

Remember that flaws in communication cause the majority of problems in relationships.

yeah i think we werent talking enough well we were but we werent sdaying excatly what was needed to be said.