Here's the situation. I'm a 19 year old male and every day of life is pain for me. I feel I have nothing in my future and no motivation to continue living.
I'm a virgin and this torments me day and night. My younger brother has slept with a girl before me and this frusturates me tremendously. I know I have no chance of ever being with a girl and I will die alone. I am unable to even talk to girls and for some reason I think there is something wrong with me that they see. I've given up pursuing it and figure I will just save up $500 to buy a hooker. For now I make up for the fact I will never be with a woman by masturbating to pornography up to 7x an evening, I have to do it at night because my parents always like to walk in on me when I believe they are certain they know what I am doing but they play stupid and walk out the door real fast.
My family hates me, I have no friends or social life, a shit job where even though I try to succeed I am constantly told everything I do is wrong, no one gives me respect, even toddlers taunt me. I use drugs constantly, mostly just marijuana which I have to smoke serveral times a day since being high distracts me from my miseries.
I live at home, unable to secure a job that will pay more than $6.75 an hour. Even new employees to my job start out at $7.50 for doing the same work but yet I am paid less. I have extroardinary bad luck, if there is an oppurtunity to bang my head on something accidentally it happens to me, if something must be tripped over, it happens to me, I can't even ever find a fucking winning scratch lotto ticket, not even for a god damned dollar prize. I feel god must hate me.
So here I am now, I considered suicide thousands of times in the past, thinking about the possibilities. I always pussy out, but I believe it will eventually be my demise. I need some serious help here, in an honest opinion based on my life, should I go or not? I don't need any pro-lifers telling me life is precious and no one should suicide, I think that some are just so entirely pathetic they are not meant to be in this world. Must I check out?