I have to check out...

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Here's the situation. I'm a 19 year old male and every day of life is pain for me. I feel I have nothing in my future and no motivation to continue living.

I'm a virgin and this torments me day and night. My younger brother has slept with a girl before me and this frusturates me tremendously. I know I have no chance of ever being with a girl and I will die alone. I am unable to even talk to girls and for some reason I think there is something wrong with me that they see. I've given up pursuing it and figure I will just save up $500 to buy a hooker. For now I make up for the fact I will never be with a woman by masturbating to pornography up to 7x an evening, I have to do it at night because my parents always like to walk in on me when I believe they are certain they know what I am doing but they play stupid and walk out the door real fast.

My family hates me, I have no friends or social life, a shit job where even though I try to succeed I am constantly told everything I do is wrong, no one gives me respect, even toddlers taunt me. I use drugs constantly, mostly just marijuana which I have to smoke serveral times a day since being high distracts me from my miseries.

I live at home, unable to secure a job that will pay more than $6.75 an hour. Even new employees to my job start out at $7.50 for doing the same work but yet I am paid less. I have extroardinary bad luck, if there is an oppurtunity to bang my head on something accidentally it happens to me, if something must be tripped over, it happens to me, I can't even ever find a fucking winning scratch lotto ticket, not even for a god damned dollar prize. I feel god must hate me.

So here I am now, I considered suicide thousands of times in the past, thinking about the possibilities. I always pussy out, but I believe it will eventually be my demise. I need some serious help here, in an honest opinion based on my life, should I go or not? I don't need any pro-lifers telling me life is precious and no one should suicide, I think that some are just so entirely pathetic they are not meant to be in this world. Must I check out?

You're a virgin...so what? There's nothing wrong with that. What about going to college? Stop the drugs...they're not going to help you. As far as salary goes, everyone has to start some where.

Yes there is nothing wrong with it but if you knew me you'd know I have no chance with girls. It's not like I'm hideous or anything, I'm just incapable of even trying. I tried college but couldn't make it, I am not good at math.Pot isn't my problem, it's not even a drug. Believe me if I took care of everything else wrong with me I could still smoke pot and be fine.I just feel I have no place in the world

Forums are such a great place for help... Anyways I think it's close to the end for me. I've been in my room all day crying thinking about how I see everyone else with such great lives, beautiful girls who I can never be with, people with nice cars, etc.I'm writing a checklist right now for things to take care of.So far I have decided to:1. Max my credit card, who gives a fuck about bad credit when my brains are splattered on the wall.2. Erase my PC, cause do I really want my parents to see my hardcore porn collection3. Go to walmart and buy a gun, cant get a handgun cause im not 21. SHotguns are a pain for suicides i imagine since theyre large. I think i wont off myself, ill just point one at a pig and have them do it for me, ill make sure its unloaded too. maybe i can get some kind of recognition in death, even if its a one paragraph article in the local section.4. write a will of some sort, i dont ave any fucking vauables but i might as well leave my cell phone, tv, ps2, and bong to someone.

well, seriously, if your a christian (you mentioned that you think god must hate you) suicide is a sin for you guys, and you wanted to know if you should commit suicide or not, yet you said you dont want to be talked out of it.

Technically jewish but disowned faith years ago. if there is a god i hate him because he masturbates to the misery of humans. however i am having end of life issues, such as what will happen. am i wrong, am i right, is there a hell. jews dont believe in hell but what if christians are right, what if the buddhists are right and ill just become a maggot?then again, what if my suicidal thoughts are god telling me to kill myself because i am predestined to die?its driving me crazy

Hey now, im jewish rotfl, i just assumed you were christian because most people who post things about g-d are. As for In reply to:however i am having end of life issues, such as what will happen. am i wrong, am i right, is there a hell. jews dont believe in hell but what if christians are right, what if the buddhists are right and ill just become a maggot? Well, thats the chance you take. thats the chance everyone takes. we're all technicly dying, but you NEVER can know for sure till you die. What if the atheists are right, and there is just nothing after you die. just worm bait. i honestly, think its stupid to kill your self mainly cause of the uncertainty in it, what if there is literally nothing. Thats just it, lights out. right now, things have a chance to get better, to be fixed. if you kill yourself (or con someone into doing it for you) there is no going back.

I've honestly considered sucide since i was a freshman in high school my only other reason for not doing it was thinking "hey it might get better", been 5 years now and life is still shit... I can see myself 30 and still in the same situation, i cant have that happen

you cant just sit around waiting for it to get better, you have to make it better, im 19 just like you, except i used to be 180lbs in my freshman year and litterelly wishing i would die cause its really hard, but i changed that. Nothing will fall in your lap, you need to work for it.

ive tried to meet girls, in the rare situation theyre around i dont even know them and everyone else know does know them is already engaged in conversaton leaving me alone and quiet in the corner. besides its safe to say that 100% of attractive females have boyfriends already

You sound pretty miserable and unhappy and depressed. Have you ever spoken to any kind of professional about your feelings?

No, but it doesn't matter anymore. I think I'm going to Wal_Mart today to buy a gun. Can anyone tell me which gauge is the best and what model?I have $2000 left in my credit line so I can get just about anything

In reply to:what if there is literally nothing. Thats just it, lights out. Well.. if there is nothing why should you care? You'll be dead for god's sake... you're not going to feel or think anything and be like "oh shit there's nothing here I shoudln't have killed myself"Think about that...

because it would have been a waste, cutting it a bit short

And why would you care if you're dead?

This is a very existential discussion. Sartre and Camus said what you said, but in many more words. At the end of it all, Sartre said, even if nothing matters after you die, it does matter while you're still alive. You'll have to study a lot of philosophy to figure that out...and explain it to me once you do.

Well it's all pretty simple in my mind... once you get over the fact that you really want to kill yourself... it's just a matter of pulling the trigger or jumping or whatever you're going to do... once you do that "little" step you're done, you're gone. You don't exist, you don't feel anything so you don't care what happens after death... that's it.

White_lines, what you write about yourself sounds to me a lot like what I've heard from other decent people. They have found that life can turn around, that they can find a place in it - and so can you.Don't compare yourself with your brother. You're not the same as him. You are you, and he is he. Your paths are meant to be different.In your job, and in how you present yourself to girls and other people, I'm sure there are improvements you can learn that will make things work much better. Things will not be perfect, because they never are. In this life we struggle against things going wrong. But it's still worth it.Stay here, and let's get started on getting life better.

So earlier today I drove up to Wal Mart and looked at the sporting goods sections for a nice shotgun, almost purchased one too before I looked at the gun in the display case and though "how the hell would I even pull that trigger and still ensure I did it right", i left without buying anything and walked right past the retarded greeter.

after going home i calmed down a bit, drank a beer and thought, "well not today then". i just hit my lows and highs it really sucks. some days i concentrate so hard on all the things that make me miserable and i get so pissed off and cry into my pillow wishing i could get cancer or something. other days i just dont tink about it, i go on with everyday business.

i really want to find out why girls find me undesirable first, maybe my problem is that im such a pussy. seriously, its pathetic but i couldntt fight if my life depended on it, if a dude stole my wallet id probably turn the other way and walk home...

Dude, you sound really depressed. If you are, it's going to be hard to address the things in your life that need fixing. It's worth seeing a medical person about it. They see depressed people all the time. For some people, antidepressant drugs can make a world of difference.

Legal drugs can be useful too.