Why am I a loser?

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During the past 10 years of my life I've been known the everyone as a "loner", a social outcast. I wandered through the hallways at school alone, I sat at the lunch table alone, no one really talked to me or said much. In fact if there were going to be a Columbine-style massacre at my school, people probably would think I'd be the one responsible. I really never knew why life was like this for me. I didn't have any groteque appearance, I didn't act socially unacceptable in anyway, I basicly treated others respectfull but still I was just a loser. I never went out on Friday nights and felt alienated when I heard others discusses their wild party stories and all the hot girls they slept with on Monday morning when classes resumed. I had a few groups of "friends" I hung out with occasionally, usually it would go like this: some individual would be nice enough to invite me out some time to hang out with his clique, all would go well for a month or so until I realized I was being taking advantage of, for instance being used just to get rides around town because I could drive, on one occasion there was some kid who actually made me sit in the back of my own car so his girlfriend could sit in the passenger seat while HE drove, I allowed this to happen because I was so desperate for social interaction. One time he actually crashed my car and then it came to light he had no driver's license, he took zero responsibility for it and basicly said to me "Oh well, you're fucked then, sorry". We stopped hanging out after that. Another kid just used me so he could get rides around the city to sell drugs and needed my transportation so he could have access to more buyers, his friends were complete assholes, punching me for no reason, burning holes in the fabric on the back seats of my car, one kid actually keyed my car quite severely one day and three days later when I returned to these kids he painted a large red penis on my hood. I had done absolutely nothing to this kid and I don't know why anyone would do such a thing. During my Junior year my brother entered high school as a Freshman. I observed he was a lot smoother socially than I was. He made friends immediately and was instantly invited to parties and gathering where they all got drunk and high on pot. As I was tired of spending nights alone watching movies from Blockbuster and attempting to cure my sexual frustration by viewing insane amounts of pornography, I started hanging out with my brother and his friends, I know this may seem extremely pathetic but I was desperate, another big mistake on my part. My brother may have been the biggest asshole of them all. I chose to drive him and his friends home from school everyday during my year as a Senior hoping so much to earn their approval. I bought them packs of ciggarettes since they were underage. I even would pick up his friends from other houses when they had no available ride and take them to the houses of their other friends for absolutely no reward, was I invited in? Absolutely not. My brother also frequently belittled me in front of his friends to booster his own self-esteem. I was yelled at constantly for small mistakes, he would hit me and laugh at me and encourage his friends to do the same. When I said something he'd respond with something like "What the hell are you talking about" which made me look like a complete moron. He'd also bring up personal events and share them with everyone else to humiliate me. I took it though, I had no one else.At the closing of my Senior year I turned to drugs. I started smoking pot all the time, it made me feel content. I didn't care as much about these things. First it was once a week, than several times, than everyday. Next I graduated to cocaine. I spent my entire $200 checks on coke, "What did it matter I didn't need it, I lived with my parents" I thought. While I didn't do coke nearly as often as I did pot, it was still a method of escape for me, it's effect just hit harder and made me feel invincible as if all the bullies in my past were inferior to me then. I don't do drugs anymore, I thought it would inhibit my ability to succeed in school and I've been clean for about 30 days. Now I'm in college and still a loser. At least the kids are more mature and don't do things like the others, but I'm still a social reject. I don't talk because I'm afraid to, I feel as though I have nothing really to add anyways that anyone cares to hear. I still sit alone to eat, I walk alone, and I spend my Friday nights alone. Once in a while someone will say "hi" but I feel it's only because they feel bad for me. I've been this way for 10 years and I don't think it will get any better. I'm tired of living this way, I'm just a stupid dork and I can't do this anymore. I frequently consider killing myself believeing life will never be brighter. Why am I like this? Will it ever change?

Will you e ever change? How?Look, I have a similar experience. I have no friends, People only talk to me, if I talk to them first. I know everyone in my grade (jr), and everyone knows me as well. They don't know me as a friend, though. Yes, I am a social outcast, and I think the way I look plays a big part in that. I am currently fixing my look problem, and you know what? I dont even want to be popular. You should take action, go find some friends, make some friends, be friendly with them, initiate the friendship. If they dont want to be your friend, then you are better then them, pure and simple. School should be focused on more anyway. Drugs have not entered my life yet, and I dont plan to. Ive never had a g/f, a girl has never liked me, but after 7 yrs of the same thing every year, I have learned to accept it. We are both outcasts, but somebody has to be it...

Yeah well I refuse to continue life like that. I can't stand being 20 and never having had any type of relationship with a woman and it makes me sick when I see people doing everything short of fucking in hallways when all I have are airbrushed photos of Jenna Jameson. I can't do this anymore.

I used to be like this. I never understood either. I was probably the nicest gentlemen in the whole school (this is back in middle school), but people viewed me as a dork. You have to know that being a guy demands that you act tough. If you REALLY wanna get friends, then you need to get your act together, defend yourself if insults come at you. If your brother acts like an ass, kick his ass and his friends' asses. I'm not saying this because it's right, I'm saying this because that's how you get viewed differently. What do you look like? Appearance matters (in terms of clothing style and whatnot; not so much on obesity).

I cant really tell you 'I know how you feel'... I've been in certain situations where I was 'alone' like that, but going through HS, I was the 'class clown' and that guy everyone 'knew'... Why do you feel your socially rejected? Do you try to hard? What made me 'popular' is just being myself. Plain and simple. I had my own style, my own beliefs and such. I didnt follow anyone. I would speak my mind regardless...Dont know if that works for everyone... but it did me. I know how it feels not to have a partner, and notice everyone else does. All I can say is.. The right one will come. Dont be in a great rush...Dont worry about anyone else... What they are doing.. or anything... Just get through school and start a sucessful life. Your welcome to PM me.. If you'd like to talk...

I dont think ur a loserIm kinda a social outcast when it comes to school - but when Im not in school its like Im a totally different person - but mines kinda different cuz when I was younger til about 8th grade all the girls used to pick on me to me about me being a tomboy and just stupid stuff not my looks or smell like you might think, then it hit ninth grade and they started doing it behind my back, and it makes school a really uncomfortable place to be.Dont worry about being swarmed by guys or girls - its not worth it. School is there for education - as for your college dilemma Ive been to many of colleges and its so much more fun, just be open - speak up - just go out have fun- and the people will come to you.

I think you're a loser, and I'm glad you're finally realising you are one, too.I don't think I need to give any reasons... you should already know what I'm talking about.If you don't, let me give you some help ... drugs ... you just want to have sex with a girl and dump her ... and many other stuff from back then taht I'm forgettingAnyway, yes, you are a loser.

You mention his drug problem, but if you read his full post you would know that he has given them up and has been clean for 30 days (btw, congrats for that White_lines).You're basing your decision on information from months ago, and since your return you have just been bitter and you haven't said anything nice about anyone, so may I ask why you are doing it? I'm not attacking you or anything, I read some of your old posts and you were a nice guy back then, what happened that changed everything? If you do reply to me, could you do it in a PM, I don't want to hijack this thread.

You have PM

Thank you.

You're right. There's a bridge about half a mile from where I stay. It's famous in my area for being the "suicide bridge" and the likelihood of survival is zero. Between my constant emotional pain and terrible insomnia I think I'm going to take a dive. Thanks everyone but my time here is over. This is my final post and final day on earth. So long, time to break on through. Later.

Later dude

id hang out with you, you seem like a funny guy on the forum

Last time I checked, I am a woman. But thanks anyway.

I sent you a PM....

I think it's because you probably didn't know anyone nice. I don't think it's such a big issue that you should commit suicide, though (if you were being serious...????).

Of course he wasn't .. he was online after he opsted that, and he'll be back tomorrow or in the next few days.People like him don't leave, they stay forever

You're acting more like he used to. Lately, he's become a far more courteous user than you and has had a lot to give this forum. I swear that you used to be better than this, what's up?

He has a lot to give to this forum? That's funnyMaybe I did used to "be better than this" ... but thinks change, apparently just like white_lines being an angel now compared to the old days right?

youll never be accepted, i suggest you do end your life. think of it as euthanasia