I don't masturbate

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Hi all!! I just have a weird problem, i don't masturbate. I know that it feels good and all but i just can't seem to get into it. I'm no longer a virgin, and i would say i am sexually active, it's just when i'm by myself and horny, i don't masturbate, maybe i need porn or something, but i don't get turned on as much as when i with someone. I've never had an orgasm so maybe thats why i jus give up because i don't know what a great feeling an orgasm is. I just can't seem to get in the mood, and when i am i start to rub my clit or something and i dont get anywhere, maybe im trying too hard or something, maybe its the mixture of my medication, does anti-depressants make you less in the mood? i dunno, any suggestions on how i could find pleasure!!??!!

does anti-depressants make you less in the mood?SSRIs (like Prozac, Paxil, Celexa, Lexapro, etc.) can, as a side effect. And sometimes they make it difficult to orgasm.

i take effexor,

Effexor is not an SSRI, and apparently has fewer side effect, but it can still causes sexual side effects. It's something worth discussing with your doctor.I assume you didn't have the issue before you started on Effexor.

My hubby has been on medication since losing his grandparents, his uncle and finding out his dad has lung cancer. It has had a dramatic effect on his sex drive. We used to have sex every day and now, we don't, maybe once a week at best at the moment - its killing me LOL (still getting used to it, its a recent thing ) but, i will put up with that to see him smiling again and being able to deal with things.

That is very rough. Depression itself can affect sex drive, regardless of any medication.

I lost my sex drive when i was suffering from depression, so i know how hard it is. Its also hard for him, knowing that he has lost it, He feels guilty for not wanting sex as often, but as i have said, i would rather see him smiling again and us having fun.....tho i have to admit its really hard. Even tho i know its the medication, it makes me feel unsexy and a little insecure in myself, stupidly.

^^ exactly, i used to be depressed, i wasnt on any medication but i just stopped masterbating for a while becauase i didnt feel horny, my sex drive did come back though

Talk to your doctor. I was on quite a bit of Paxil (I have a lot of anger issues) and my sex drive went to nothing. By nothing I mean maybe having sex once or twice in four months. I finally got the doc to switch me to Wellbutrin (sp?), a lot of Wellbutrin. The problem was that it wasn't doing much to calm my anger. Now I have to take some Paxil along with the Wellbutrin, so I'm pretty much back to square one and only interested in sex once or twice every couple of weeks, if that, and that pisses me off even further. This is hell on a relationship. This is hell even on my relationship with myself..lol...I'm no longer interested in masturbation and if I am its only a form of escapism and not because I'm horny so it never achieves anything. Damn its frustrating.

Like AngelWitch, my wife knows why my sex drive is down to nothing but it doesn't seem to quell her fears that I no longer find her attractive or that I am chasing some guy (I'm bi, I guess I should mention) and it does end up causing some strife or leaving me feeling like I have to have sex with her, even though I'm not in the mood, just so she isn't thinking negative things that aren't true or correct. It makes for a stressful marriage and just seems to add to my anger issues so all in all, I don't know how much good its really doing.

Having spilled my guts here, does anyone know of an alternative to these medications, I don't like the idea of taking anything for a long term anyway, in fact I hate it. Especially, since these medications seem to substitute one antagonization for another. Are there any ancient far east (or any where else for that matter) traditions that have been proven out over time, to help with depression and anger. I really want off these crappy pills.

alternativeEffexor (Venlafaxine). It's a serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor.

Steve, one question... how do you know so much about medications? A medical degree?

Been through a lot, family's been through a lot, spent time in medical libraries (thank you, Boston), and read a lot. It's interesting stuff. Whenever someone I know gets sick, I try to learn as much as I can about whatever they have. And I trust doctors only slighlty more than I trust used car salesmen. Plus there's lots of information available on the Web...but sometimes you have to separate the nonsense from the useful stuff.

PubMed's a good place for stuff... I live outside of Boston, and my dad's a neurologist (not saying where!)... So I know more than most, about medications and stuff. And when you came to Boston, which medical libraries did you go to? Harvard Med?

my wife knows why my sex drive is down to nothing but it doesn’t seem to quell her fears that I no longer find her attractive or that I am chasing some guy (I’m bi, I guess I should mention) and it does end up causing some strife or leaving me feeling like I have to have sex with her, even though I’m not in the mood, just so she isn’t thinking negative things that aren’t true or correct. thats exactly what he feels sigh and that makes it worse, i mean lets face it there is nothing as bad as someone having sex with you cos they feel they ought to sob

Mass General's medical library, Dana Farber's patient library, and the Harvard Med School bookstore near Brigham Circle (I know it's not a library, but have you seen the price of those books? )I also pump every doctor I meet for as much information as possible. If they know that you're know what you're talking about and they're not too busy or too arrogant, they're usually happy to spend time answering questions and discussing issues. One young doctor at Lahey Clinic (he was just about to take his oral boards in his specialty; his original specialty was neurosurgery) told me to meet him after his office hours, and we had a long talk. He suggested that I go to medical school. I told him I that I'm too old. He disagreed, and he also decided that he needed to find me a wife.In any case, if you have the opportunity to corner a doctor who's one of the top specialists in his field, it would be a terrible waste to squander the opportunity...you need to be prepared for the discussion, though. By the way, I've been a patient at Brigham and Woman's (where mayor Menino get his odd diseases diagnosed). That is one superb institution. Among other things, they have a gynecology help line, staffed by very well-informed nurses, that I've actually used for questions on this site. Does your father know Peter M. Black?

Can't you be deeply intimate without actually having sex? I understand it's difficult to really get into anything when you're depressed, but you can hug and cuddle and kiss and talk about nonsense and laugh at everything, with no genital involvement at all. In a way, it's more intimate than sex. It allows you to focus on more than the feelings in your genitals.

you can hug and cuddle and kiss and talk about nonsense and laugh at everything, with no genital involvement at all.Valid point, and I find that more intimate than actual intercourse myself. But if her husband feels anything like I did (Granted mine was severe anxiety with light depression and his seems to be more depression) I didn't even want anyone to touch me let alone talk to me. I would get very irritated with conversations and when he would try and cuddle with me or hold my hand I would just get up and move to my computer or go into another room and find something to do.So sometimes that is not even possible.

>>>>thats exactly what he feels *sigh* and that makes it worse

I know exactly what he's going through. It's awful & to me, anyway, it seems to add more stress to the depression your already trying to cope with. What's worse is trying to explain it to your partner who has never expereinced it. You want to be with them, you want to make them happy and satisfy them but the desire simply isn't there, so it ends up being forced and that just makes things worse. It's almost like someone losing their hand. It doesn't matter how much you want it to be there, it doesn't matter how much, in your mind, it still feels like its there, its simply gone and there is nothing you can do about and it leaves you feeling uterly hopeless about the most intimate parts of your relationship. I guess its just a feeling ot total powerlessness.

I don't know, how do you explain to someone the desire is gone, but then agian, it's still there, just under a lot of medication and not have it sound like an excuse.

Furthermore, how do you meet their desires & needs (which they will still have reguardless of your problems) without making it a forced effort, which isn't going to meet their needs anyway.

Sorry for my rant, I'm just having a bad day and finding nothing no matter which way I turn.

Can't you be deeply intimate without actually having sex? Of course you can, and we are, and i never said anything to the contrary, did i? as a couple we always laugh a lot and have lots of fun, whether genitals are involved or not. Unlike Ntro went he went through his thing, he does still like to cuddle, and we spend a hell of a lot of time together, and snuggling in bed and watching tv, its just the actual sex thing thats lessened.just to add, i never and never will push him for sex or make him feel guilty for the way he feels, he knows how i feel and i know how he feels, we are always honest about everything and this is no different................i don't know i always feel like i have to explain myself to you steve, sigh

Sorry, I didn't mean it as an insult.