Can't you be deeply intimate without actually having sex? I understand it's difficult to really get into anything when you're depressed, but you can hug and cuddle and kiss and talk about nonsense and laugh at everything, with no genital involvement at all. In a way, it's more intimate than sex. It allows you to focus on more than the feelings in your genitals.
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I don't masturbate
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you can hug and cuddle and kiss and talk about nonsense and laugh at everything, with no genital involvement at all.Valid point, and I find that more intimate than actual intercourse myself. But if her husband feels anything like I did (Granted mine was severe anxiety with light depression and his seems to be more depression) I didn't even want anyone to touch me let alone talk to me. I would get very irritated with conversations and when he would try and cuddle with me or hold my hand I would just get up and move to my computer or go into another room and find something to do.So sometimes that is not even possible.
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>>>>thats exactly what he feels *sigh* and that makes it worse
I know exactly what he's going through. It's awful & to me, anyway, it seems to add more stress to the depression your already trying to cope with. What's worse is trying to explain it to your partner who has never expereinced it. You want to be with them, you want to make them happy and satisfy them but the desire simply isn't there, so it ends up being forced and that just makes things worse. It's almost like someone losing their hand. It doesn't matter how much you want it to be there, it doesn't matter how much, in your mind, it still feels like its there, its simply gone and there is nothing you can do about and it leaves you feeling uterly hopeless about the most intimate parts of your relationship. I guess its just a feeling ot total powerlessness.
I don't know, how do you explain to someone the desire is gone, but then agian, it's still there, just under a lot of medication and not have it sound like an excuse.
Furthermore, how do you meet their desires & needs (which they will still have reguardless of your problems) without making it a forced effort, which isn't going to meet their needs anyway.
Sorry for my rant, I'm just having a bad day and finding nothing no matter which way I turn.
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Can't you be deeply intimate without actually having sex? Of course you can, and we are, and i never said anything to the contrary, did i? as a couple we always laugh a lot and have lots of fun, whether genitals are involved or not. Unlike Ntro went he went through his thing, he does still like to cuddle, and we spend a hell of a lot of time together, and snuggling in bed and watching tv, its just the actual sex thing thats lessened.just to add, i never and never will push him for sex or make him feel guilty for the way he feels, he knows how i feel and i know how he feels, we are always honest about everything and this is no different................i don't know i always feel like i have to explain myself to you steve, sigh
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Sorry, I didn't mean it as an insult.
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i use the right techniques, i jus can't seem to get into it. are there people born with this problem lol, i think if i was with a guy and we were having sex, i might be able to get off, maybe i jus need time. Its just i feel out of the loop when all of my friends say they've had one, (they're probably lying)....or they afraid to admit they haven't had one
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You said (1 1/2 years ago):In reply to:whenever i masturbate its like it takes me only about a min. to a 2 min. to cum and i find that kinda weird myself. Is that normal? and is there anyway to make it last longer?So you used to be able to reach orgasm? When did you start on antidepressants?
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its not really an orgasm, its like, oh im done, lol....it doesnt feel good, its jus an ending i guess....i havent done that in about a year....and i started taking anti-depressants 2 years ago when i was 15
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The type of antidepressant you are taking doesn't usually have that effect, but it can. It's really worth discussing it with your doctor. He or she has heard it all before, and won't even raise an eyebrow. (Of course, depression itself can have a similar effect.)
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and its not jus that it doesnt feel good, a part of it is that im jus not interested, not in the mood,...and i hate it coz im a perv, but i dont want to masturbate, i'd have sex tho in a heart beat lol, jus not masturbate
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If your sex drive is there, but you're just not interested in masturbating, I don't know what to tell you. That would certainly explain why you can't give yourself an orgasm. I don't know whether that is a side effect of depression, the antidepressant, or neither. I would think that if it were either, you might not be interested in sex at all. But people are affected differently.
That was a long way of saying "dunno".
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OldFolks mentioned Wellbutrin, and it's also mentioned in this Salon.com article (from 2000), where it's claimed that Wellbutrin may actually have sexually-enhancing side effects. You might want to ask your doctor to let you give it a shot.
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In reply to:
OldFolks mentioned Wellbutrin, and it's also mentioned in this Salon.com article (from 2000), where it's claimed that Wellbutrin may actually have sexually-enhancing side effects. You might want to ask your doctor to let you give it a shot.
Steve is quite right. When I was on Wellbutrin by itself, I was a randy little monkey...lol As a matter of fact, after I was on it about a week and the first weekend rolled around my wife and I had sex six times that day. Maybe not that big a deal for some of you but each time was in public at work, the mall, the park, the mall parking lot, a newly built open house. I was still wanting more but she had enough and didn't want anymore. Now how much of that was the medication, I'm not saying, and after you become adjusted to it your sex drive doesn't remain that strong, but it definitely does add to your sex drive.
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well i wouldn't want to take it just for the sex drive, i have a sex drive, a very strong one infact, just no interest in masturbating, maybe mutual masturbation because thats hot, but i think the problem i have is nothing to masturbate too, the thought of a guy maybe but my imagination wanders and doesnt stay on track lol, also i have no porn....so i need to get some lol, maybe that would work