Well...

---

coupe of things I can say to you..people lie to you saying they like your poetry?the first post I see here saying htat is from SteveA, why dont you go to his bio and click see all posts from this user. If you read all the shit he has posted all over this forum site youll notice that he doesnt exactly sugar coat things just for the sake of sparing feelings.next you said that you dont matter to the world, your right you dont but the world is a big place, the world doesnt know you. Its your job to go out and get over being shy or what ever it si that you see as your problem and make the world take notice of you. Maybe the world doesnt know you and it wouldnt blink if you were gone but what about all the people that do know you? parents siblings and even all those class mates that you think hate you and want you gone.When I was in school I thought much the same way a great deal of the time. life doesnt begin and end in high school.You have probally heard yor parents andother tell you that your living the best time of your life and you dont even know it.I think they are full of shit. I told this to my 15 year old son the other night and started talking about all of the stuff that was so great in HS and thats when I realized that it wasnt. I felt awkword and stupid and picked on alot of it. OK so now Im an adult and have bills and responsabilities and kids of my own a house and 2 car payments and insurance and all of this other shit that makes me want to scream sometimes. Its stil better then HS. you simply have to get through school and once your out everything changes. It wa well after school graduation that i figured out who the hell I was and what I was realy about. Life is a fight. You have to fight to get anywhere and to get the respect that anyone deserves just for being a person. Its also a very enjoyable fight once you get past the bullshit that goes with it. Im getting way off the point I wa trying ot make here and that point was jsut that you are too young to have discovered who you are an what it is that makes you happy.I go through this same thing with my 15 year old and he has diabeties thrown into his life and had to have 2 major surgerys already. 1 at 3 months old then diabeties at 19 months old and 3 months ago he had to have his thyroid removed. He has plenty to deal with and still doesnt have enough reasons to give up.If you cant make the fight alone then work with the therapist and talk with your parents, try the open honest thing with them and you may well find out that you mean a great deal more to more people then you thought.

Wellbutrin sounds good, although there are other good ones. Not all of them work for everyone.You seriously need to get in touch with your doc if you feel that bad. I think you're getting lonliness and isolation mixed up with "value as a person". Being depressed can be an isolating experience; the isolation causes deeper depression, which leads to more isolation. People are usually not very social or outgoing when they're depressed.I dunno...in corresponding with you, I find you to be intelligent and interesting. I'm not exactly sure what it takes to have "value", but you seem like a more-than-worthwhile person to me.

If I have value as a person, why am I being isolated? That's what I'm wondering. I mean, I tried my hardest for 3 weeks to get out of my isolation. I talked as much as I could. I tried to be witty. I tried to just be interesting. I guess in person, I'm not interesting. And so that's why I think the isolation is for more of a long term.

Sometimes when we try to be witty we over-do it badly. I know I did. It's better just to be yourself. That's much more interesting.

grvtykllr> If you read all the shit he has posted all over this forum site youll notice that he doesnt exactly sugar coat things just for the sake of sparing feelings.I guess I'll have to agree with that. As grvtykllr said, middle school and high school are pretty sucky times in most people's lives. A lot of people have trouble fitting in. It really does get better. But if you're chronically depressed on top of that, it's really tough.Are you completely open with your doc? Does he/she really understand how you feel? Do your parents have any idea? If you feel as low as it sounds like you feel, you really ought to get hold of the doctor. At the very least, the Wellbutrin might not be doing what it's supposed to do.There are boring people, but I've never met an intelligent person who wasn't interesting.

I guess next time I go in I'll talk about upping my dose... though I don't see the doc that prescribes my medicine for another month...

Dude, if you're feeling the way you feel, you can't wait a month. And he may not want to up the dose. He may want to try something else.I think your best bet would be to see a psychiatrist. He'd be the most informed in prescribing antidepressant meds.But you need to discuss your situation with one of those doctors as soon as possible. Do your parents have any idea how bad you feel?

I know how that feels. When i was in highschool perticularly. PM me if you want to talk.

No matter what I have going on in my life I always make time when my kids come to me wanting to talk. try teling them what you feel and do it right away, nothings going to get better by letting it go on longer the sooner you deal wiht this the sooner you can get living a fuller life. as for uping doses its not about that. my g/f was diagnosed 3 months ago with high blood pressure and shes been changed to 3 different medications and uped the dose on oe of them. its not the same as what you have going on but its the same principal, not everyone reacts to each drug in exactly the same way, some work better for some people then for others its just a matter of working out what one works best for you and then gettig the dose right. it may not be easy and it may take some time to get it all right for any individual but the sooner you start talking and being open and totaly honest about everything the sooner you can get to that level and start being who you are instead of who other tell you you are

I see a psychiatrist and a psychologist...My psychiatrist I don't see for another month...And I think they don't.

In reply to: Once every three weeks wow! i have to see my new psych every week. b4 katrina my other psych had me commign to him 2Xs a week..

Yes sweetie, it's good. I myself tend to write poetry when I'm depressed or angry, it's a great out let for all your feelings of pain, sorrow, loneliness, and so on. Darling, don't ever think you're not worth it, because you are. From all the posts that I've read of yours you seem to be a really good kid, and I think the world could really use another good person in it (god knows there isn't enough of them out there). Keep your chin up sweetie, if you need someone to talk to, just PM me and I'll listen. hugs

Thanks... I try and I try but nothing seems to matter, though?!??!?!?!?!?!!

Forget about the psycholigist for now. You need to contact the psychiatrist ASAP.