Destroying my confidence

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bump
is bumping allowed? if not then sorryy

It depends, what the hell is bumping?

Try talking to younger girls. I noticed that I feel a WHOLE LOT more confident when talking to girls that are younger than me. As a matter of fact, my current girlfriend is still in 8th grade (I'm in 9th grade). Oh, and I'm a gamer too (still play too ). I've played 2 seasons of CALintermediate for Counter-Strike version 1.6 . But I doubt any of you know what that is :P

Joking is a common way of trying to cover up fear and insecurity, and it can be useful. When a person who usually jokes around becomes himself instead with someone, it gives a strong and good impression. Do try it. Of course there are dangers - being yourself makes you more vulnerable, and you no longer are slick and smooth; but it's worth it. Don't worry, there is no "right" thing to say.I'm really sorry about your dad dying. That's hard. Be upfront with girls about it. Don't be scared to talk about it. And mentioning your money problems now will save embarrassment later. Remember most of all that girls like a good, appreciative, attentive listener.

In reply to:As you probably well know, a girl will not go out with a guy who only makes jokes and acts hyper. However cute they think it is, they wont consider me as a boyfriend. What, am i going to take you to the mall and make a bunch of jokes? Then lunch, and more jokes? Should i make jokes as we make out? This is how I got my wife, or any other girl I ever went out with for that matter.

I was one kill away from the CPL

i think ive expressed the problem wrong. See, the main problem now is getting this one girl i like to talk to me. I mean, i never know what to say, im usually funny but i can never make her laugh when i need to, it makes me feel worthless. If im not confident, how do i fake it?

I think you should stop trying to make her laugh. It's not working for her. You might find it works better to drop all the acts and just speak directly from your heart.

well see, shes a really friendly person. She laughs all the time around other guys.

So she laughs at other guys but not you?

Yeah, but see, i can make most girls laugh. I have female friends to whom i feel no sexual magnetism. If they where to proposition me for sex i would turn them down without the slightest hesitation, not because of their looks, but because there is no desire for them in me. With those friends, i am my funniest, most confident and most fun. I have made them piss themselves with laughter using no effort at all. But with the girl i like, i go numb. I am not funny. I am unconfident, uninteresting, and clearly desperate. To her, going out with me would be like choosing rape over a warm bath. But i know if i could get my confidence up when im around her id be as funny as i am in the presence of my female friends. Hell, if i could have done that when i met her a few months ago we'd be dating now. I guarantee it. What i need help with is containing these feelings when im around her, to stop feeling anxious and attracted to her and to talk to her like she was a friend instead of somebody who i wanted to bang. Please?

just an update for anyone followin my 'progress' i think im gettin slightly better at this. in one lesson i went from 'guy she sometimes talks to and is kinda annoying' to 'slightly funny guy who she might say hello to on the street'score!

Wow, this can somewhat relate to me. Im probably the funniest person around and can joke at whatever comes up. Its just only to certain people. To my brother or better yet, A FEW of my friends, i can make them laugh so long and hard that they think im the funniest person. NOW just like YOU, when i see girls I like or friends i want to be with I competely go stupid. I say things that i wish i didnt say at all. I can NEVER use my full fun potiental to those people i want to be with.A very good example is my friend. Ive known him for awhile and in class, hes halarious. Like 1 of the funniest person ive met. I know who he likes because he blushes all the time whenever the girl is beside him. (AND SO DO I, SO YOU LUCKY PEOPLE WHO DONT BLUSH ARE DAMN LUCKY! SURIOUS) Anyways, when the girl goes near him, he starts blushing and says the UNFUNNIEST things and actually rude things. Now sometimes I actually feel real bad for him cause the girl thinks hes just a loner and isnt funny at all, but deep inside, hes the funniest guy i know. So yeah......... I know your pain very well.

You have to go get it. They aren't gonna hike up their skirt and sit on your lap without some type of invitation.

I'm saying this because I was a chicken. In gradeschool, I was the little dirty kid in the corner. (Not that I was dirty, I just
went to a private academy even though my family wasn't in the big money. I didn't have a nanny, nor did I wear the expensive handmade leather Coach belts. I had parents who would rather have worked extra long hours and driven pile of junk cars, than deny their children teh best education money could buy.)

When I finally started noticing girls, in that "special" way I was very young, and therefore, I didn't want to dare act on any feelings I had. By doin this, I taught myself to shut-up and never engage socially with them. This made me a tad bit backwards.

I stayed backwards all throgh gradeschool, and at age 14 when I entered highschool, I was still very shy around girls. I never went to any dances, nor did I ever get into any of the cliches in my class. I was not a loaner, there were others like me, but (I guess we were the nerds, huh?) it felt very depressing to never speak what I felt, because I never thought I measured up. Even in highschool, as I got older, got a car, made lots of new friends, I never once asked a girl out, or made any type of motion to show my feelings for a girl.
I think I just shut down, and stayed that way. I reasoned myself into thinking that I wasn't ready, and alone I stayed. A few times, girls showed interest, and in big ways. I was too shy to ever do anythign about it. I didn't even hug a girl until I was 19 years old. I gave myself major problems.
It wasn't until I was in college that I decided to break myself. I got so depressed I lost unhealthy amounts of weight. I swore to myself that I was going to do whatever it took to get to cuddle with a girl. I was so incredibly deprived that I dreamt of just hugging a girl. I couldn't think of anything better than to cuddle, to fall asleep with a girl, and to wake up beside her... no sex involved.

Eventually, I did figure it out. It was so simple looking back. it was incredibly easy... It just took a few seconds to confirm whether or not a girl was intersted in me, and once it was confirmed, it wasn't long after that I found myself in a serious relationship and doing all kinds of things that I only thought porn stars and superheroes did.

In fact, if you miss an opportunity now, you might not get a second chance later. I have only been fortunate once.
There was one girl who I could have swore hated me, or teased me behind my back, admitted that she had sexual fantasies about me back in highschool. I didn't find this out until I was 8 years out of highschool. (and yes, I did have an amazing night of meaningless sex with her, after she confessed)

Just get a moment alone, or semi-alone with the girl. Ask her what she thinks of you, more than just friends. If she says that would be impossible, or laughs, then you know, and you don't have to worry anymore. If she says more than friends might be fun, then good!

Eminem: "Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip? "

In reply to:It was so simple looking back. it was incredibly easy... It just took a few seconds to confirm whether or not a girl was intersted in me, and once it was confirmed, it wasn't long after that I found myself in a serious relationship and doing all kinds of things that I only thought porn stars and superheroes did.That was a pretty big leap. ("How do I become rich? First, get a million dollars...")Would you elaborate on how to know if a girl is interested (or not) in you?

I've read this thread a few times trying to think of ways you could get this girl. Well, with all this thought, knowing she doesn't really find you amusing, maybe she's just not into you. I don't want to sound rude, but you might be spinning your wheels.On the flip side, if there is a chance with her but are not confident with yourself and your humor around her, you might want to joke with others around her. Not with her. If you are as funny as you say, she will probably take notice. Obviously you are more comfortable joking with your friends. Stick with it, but around her.Looks usually comes first when I meet a man. But the second most important thing to me is a sense of humor. I love to laugh and try to surround myself with funny people.Lighten up on yourself. In fact, she may find you more interesting watching you and your actions rather than you talking directly to her. After time, you will feel more comfortable around her and then you won't choke on a good joke or jab.

I thought I made it pretty clear. ask...That's all.just ask...You don't need a pick-up line, and you don't need to coerce her. In fact, pick up lines are the dumbest idea on the planet. If you can't say with some type of certainty that she might be interested in giving you a shot, then you probably aren't gonna have a shot. You need to believe to receive. if you believe in yourself, you will have better chances. Girls like confidence, good sense of humor, looks, and class. Class- I don't know of any girl who would be interested in dating a neo-nazi, or a gay-basher, or someone who is constantly ripping others apart. Show some class, be respectful, and get attention in a good way. Getting attention by giving the fat kid a wedgie in the hall is probably not a turn-on for girls. Oh yeah, and dance. you don't have to be like a turbo dancing freak, but shake it a bit, and relax. Girls like dancing, they relate it to sex for some reason. If you have any opportunity, give her a show. Also, while I am clarifying for Steve, whom could have gave some advice, rather than asking more questions. One of the best things to do is establish personal contact. be it a simple hand touch to the shoulder while talking (I've seen a lot of arm grabbers lately) to them, or if walking beside them, put an arm around them briefly. It will get you eye contact. and speaking of...EYE CONTACTher eyes are on her face, not her chest. If you can't look at her eyes, how will you be able to say to her, "your ___ (soft touches, lightly lipped kisses, gentle massages... keep these in mind for later...In the meantime, talk to her. find out what she likes in guys. If you said she likes this one other guy(I can't remember where I read that, I thought it was here), and she keeps talkign about him, ask her what it is she likes about him. If she has a crush of her own, it's likely she won't be willing to give you a shot. Otherwise, play with her about her crush. timing is key... don't just out of the blue ask her why she likes him, that would freak her out! Just, sometime when she is rambling about him, just ask her why he's such a hot piece of man-meat.example... (and I am going out on a major limb, I can't even remember if you said she did like another guy)If she says she likes him because he has blonde hair, then pretend to pull out a note and say, "Note to self: dye hair blonde to make (insert girl's name here) think I'm sexy."make sure you smile and put a face on for her. Otherwise, you might creep her out. that might be incredibly corny... a different approach, just ask her why you aren't her crush. see what she has to say, and if it looks hopeless, let it go, find something else with boobs and a heartbeat (heartbeat optional if you are desperate).Or... Ask her if she wants to see what you bring to the party, then whip it out and smack her in the forehead with it. (NO NO NO Just KiDDING!) Honestly though, If any of that doesn't illicit some reaction, I don't know what will. Also, that's about as close to a pick-up line as you shoudl ever get. Don't go beyond that, anything else(including what I just wrote above) is pretty corny, and corny doesn't work. Also, keep in mind that I am a dinosaur. I don't know what the kids are doing these days. Things I say might not work for you, but if you wanna get one of your 25-35 y/o teacher's into bed, I could help. Oh, and also, to answer your question about "how to fake confidence," you can't. It can't be done. If you feel your confidence is shot, find a decently hot girl that you never talk to, and let her know she wants you. Tell her it's ok to not hold back, she can have her way with you. If you don't think that will give you an adrenaline rush, you're in for a surprise. be cocky around some girls that are incredibly hot and slightly older. no harm, no foul if you actually do end up with one of the girls, right? heh heh... If you think you are not confident enough, let her know. Tell her you get nervous around her. She'll probably ask you why, and you can tell her that you think she's cute and all that. You know how to take care of the ladies, I'm sure.Steve, is this better?

Also, while I am clarifying for Steve, whom could have gave some advice, rather than asking more questions.Sorry, I'll need a raise in salary before I listen to that sort of thing.> Steve, is this better?You've done swimmingly, in a verbose way.

In reply to: You've done swimmingly, in a verbose way I ramble and overtype when I've been awake for too long. going on 46 hours right now... I'm almost done.

i'll f*cking OWN u in counter strike!!! (i get headshots sooooo fast with the ak47)
i'm like boom one shot fired and they die and they're like wtf, and i'm like ohh yeah you know u got p00ned...so yeah anytime... bring it!
:grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: