A constant fear in my relationship.

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I've been together with my boyfriend for over half a year. And only recently have I opened up to more physical activity. But the further we go physically, the more my boyfriend seems desperate for sex. My response is quite simple- I am not comfortable with my body enough to reach that level just yet. Don't get me wrong- my boyfriend is NOT persuading me to have sex. We just happened to talk about it. It seems, however, that the closer we get physically, the more he is focusing only on the physical aspect of our relationship. I fear that as we go further, his wanting to spend time with me simply out of care will turn into wanting to spend time with me for ass. And once two people have physically done just about everything, there is no more anticipation. I fear that as the innocence fades, so will his feelings, and he will become merely wanting physicality. I understand that all this is normal in a healthy relationship. I guess what I'm asking is whether or not I should worry. I fear his primary concern with me could shift from an emotional value to nothing more than a hormonal one. By the way- I'm not planning on having sex with him any time soon, if ever. I am just considering the fact that our physical relationship has basically sky-rocketed recently.

I think what you're doing so far and how you're handling the situation is perfect. Make sure it doesn't go farther than intended. You shouldn't have to feel that it's only to be physical about things. That's not really a good sign. My bf and I always joke around about that sort of thing and make sure we wait till much much later. Don't worry about it though it seems like you're making all the right turns.

how old are you?Do you understand the point of relationships?It goes like this...girl gets pretty, attracts boysgirl finds boy she likesgirl dates boygirl and boy kissout pops a babyI skipped a few steps...basically though, the point of relationships, marriage, so-forth is so that you can reproduce. That's what living things do, they reproduce. The way that humans reproduce is by having sex. That's what is implied by being in a relationship. Sure, if youa re young, or retarded, then you don't understand that the point of a relationship is so that you can become intimate with a man and egg and sperm unite to create another human life. If you are not ready to have sex for whatever reason, then make sure you tell him he should go somewhere else to get to stick it in a vagina, because yours is not open for business. I bet he only wants to have sex with you anyway. That is basically teh point of our human existance. If you think there is some other reason, then please enlighten us, but 10's of thousands of years of history will prove you wrong. He wants sex, you have the proper genitalia to make that possible, so naturally he is going to try to get your clothes off and slip it in. Don't be shocked or upset by my blunt way of putting things. You should already know this, and judging by your post, I'd say you already understand this. What are your reasons for being in the relationship? Why did you want a boyfriend?If you don't intend on marrying him or ever having sex with him, why keep him around?Where do you imagine the relationship going if there is no sex involved? The more you try to keep him out of the romper room, the more he will become obssessed with trying to get in it. It's human nature. Do you think that cavemen bough the caveladies flowers? Chances are they just beat them over the head with a club then humped them silly until they regained consciousness.Did you ever see orangatans mate in the wild? It's more brutal than any episode of "Law and Order: SUV" No holds barred and chances are that the female ends up with some broken bones when it's all said and done.Human nature...It sucks. Sure. I just don't understand why you are refusing him copulation. If you think that denying him sex is gonna make things better, it's not. If you think giving in and letting him saddle up will make him want sex less, then you are wrong again. He's wanted it from the begining and he still wants it. Why do you think he wanted to go out with you in teh first place? Probably because he sat in algebra class behind you, and spent the entire 40 minutes staring at your ass and legs and wondered what color underwear you were wearing. He probably fantasizes at night about tying your wrists to the bedposts and giving you head or coming inside you. He wanted to see your "oh" face and see you nakid from the beginning. What did you want from him from the beginning? Honestly? What made you want him, and what did you want him for?hard questions to answer and if you are very young, your brain isn't developed enough to understand some of the abstract concepts, or to fully understand human nature... If it bugs you, you can give it extra thought, though.

In reply to:I'm not planning on having sex with him any time soon, if ever [my emphasis]It sounds like you are unsure of the future of this relationship. If all he wants you for is sex, and you (very reasonably) don't want to give it, it would be better if you parted sooner rather than later. However, it seems you're not sure he only is after sex, you're just afraid that that's all he really wants.I think you two need to have a serious discussion.

<<>>I agree, that is a very good idea that you guys talk about this situation so you aren't giving false hopes and you can be assured, or not, that these physical things that you 2 are doing aren't the only reason he is with you.

Thank you so much for the replies.I am 17 years old. But before you stereotype me as yet another oblivious, ignorant teenager, please understand that I'm quite big on thinking things through. Looking deeply into situations rather than taking the path of “what is easiest and what feels best”. I guess I'm a bit too mature for my age? I don't really know.But as far as the topic I started, I think Ineligible got it right when he said that I fear he may only want sex from me after we get closer and closer. Ohnonotagain, I do understand everything you are talking about. However, my personal preference is to look at love with a little more emotion taken into account. I’d like to think that we grow attached to people. Whether that be for sexual reasons or not. We actually had a discussion about this last night in his car. I asked him if he values the emotional aspect of our relationship as much as the physical. As anybody would reply in the situation, he said yes. He said that both physicality and emotions were important in a relationship, and he added that he hoped I didn’t think he was looking only into the physical portions of our relationship. What do you think?

If he said he wants more than the physical side of the relationship then he probably is telling the trueth.
He is a guy and therefore he will love to get any kind of physical he can with you, remember he has a penis. :smile:

I think (adult) relationships do definately have to hit it off on both a physical and emotional level. If you don't want to advance your relationship physically, why are you going out with him. He can still be a friend retain many of the things you had before, this way he knows what to expect from the relationship. Then again if you tell him your feelings towards sex with him (the you thinking you may not want to do it with him at all) and he is okay with that, I guess that's fine too.

I just talked to him about it once again. I basically told him the same thing: that he may have to wait a long time so I want to make sure he is fine with that so it doesn't become a major issue. He revealed tonight his views: that, biologically, it is a part of a relationship and if I value him, perhaps I'd consider it again. He also revealed tonight that it does bother him somewhat.. and I guess the issue is larger in his mind than I thought. He said he struggles with himself and tells himself to wait, but it gets too hard sometimes. Finally, though, I asked him if it's going to be a large issue, and he said "I don't know, but I'll try and deal with it. Everything's going to be okay."The thing is, I do want to get more physical with him. But it seems as if he wants to take a dive from making out to sex. Isn't there things in between? And if not, then I'm just not ready for it yet. He respects that, according to him. But he, being a human, obviously can't control his natural sex drive.What to do?

It's all about how someone enters the relationship and what they expect. When he went out with you, he may or may not have thought, "Oh, I'm going to get some from this." In my opinion, you should judge what he wanted from the relationship in the beginning. A lot of guys will go out with girls as a "possible chance of getting laid." This is just my perception, and I don't know all about him, but it seems like he was thinking, "it's possible..." when you guys went out. Keep that in mind, that's all I'm saying. Good luck to both of you. =)

"The thing is, I do want to get more physical with him. But it seems as if he wants to take a dive from making out to sex. Isn't there things in between?"Heck yes! In simple terms...Firstly there is touching/feeling parts of the body you wouldn't normally touch while just making out. Then touching below to belt. Then some oral action Of course don't do this all at once (and these aren't by any means the only options). Take it slowly step by step. By the sounds of it, you two have a good open relationship. I'm sure he will appreciate that it is hard for you. Who knows, as you progress further you might find that you do want to go all the way. I agree, don't just jump from making out to sex.

My advice is to not compromise your values for his because you will just hate yourself later on and resent him later for doing something you knew you didn't want to do. So before you do go any farther physically, make sure you are ready and really want to do it. Respect yourself first. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your life.Do what you are comfortable with.

Whom were you replying to? If you just reply to the last poster in the list, it makes it very difficult to follow the conversations threads, and it breaks the "Threaded" view. The "re:" at the top of the post is an important cue for the reader.

You've been here for 4k's worth of posts, and you haven't noticed the "re:" at the top of each of your posts, as well as everyone else's?Interesting. So when you're in a room and you want to talk to some person, you just face the person standing closest to you?

HelmsmaN> his first response to me of all peopleYes, my liege. I am merely your vassal. Now please set a good modish example and reply to whom your answering.no1> It's not that serious.Heyyyyy! You replied to the right person. But the important thing is that you did reply. Don't worry, I haven't called the Internet posting police.

Indeed, my good man. There's no need for a kerfuffle, nor even a hurly burly, for that matter.

I'd agree with HelmsmaN.I didn't mean to sound harsh at all, and understand your concerns better.If he is saying that he just wants to have sex, for the soul purpose of having sex, then something isn't right. There is a middle ground between making out, and sexual intercourse, and I get the feeling he is missing it. There is an old old analogy that has been around for longer than I have. It relates sexual contact to baseball.I think it's something like-getting to:1st base = kissing2nd base = light fondling/touch breasts3rd base = fingering/oral sexgoing all the way/homeplate = sexual intercourseWhen you are downloading music, dig up an old song by "Meatloaf" I think it's named "Paradise by the dashboard lights"Lyrics:BOY:I remember every little thingAs if it happened only yesterdayParking by the lakeAnd there was not another car in sightAnd I never had a girlLooking any better than you didAnd all the kids at schoolThey were wishing they were me that nightAnd now our bodies are oh so close and tightIt never felt so good, it never felt so rightAnd we're glowing like the metalon the edge of a knifeGlowing like the metal on the edge of a knifeC'mon! Hold on tight!C'mon! Hold on tight!Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark nightI can see paradise by the dashboard lightGIRL:Ain't no doubt about itWe were doubly blessedCause we were barely seventeenAnd we were barely dressedAin't no doubt about itBaby got to go and shout itAin't no doubt about itWe were doubly blessedBOY:Cause we were barely seventeenAnd we were barely dressedBaby doncha hear my heartYou got it drowning out the radioI've been waiting so longFor you to come along and have some funAnd I gotta let ya knowNo you're never gonna regret itSo open up your eyes I got a big surpriseIt'll feel all rightWell I wanna make your motor runAnd now our bodies are oh so close and tightIt never felt so good, it never felt so rightAnd we're glowing like the metalon the edge of a knifeGlowing like the metal on the edge of a knifeC'mon! Hold on tight!C'mon! Hold on tight!Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark nightI can see paradise by the dashboard lightThough it's cold and lonely in the deep dark nightParadise by the dashboard lightYou got to do what you canAnd let Mother Nature do the restAin't no doubt about itWe were doubly blessedCause we were barely seventeenand we were barely...We're gonna go all the way tonightgonna go all the way tonightWe're gonna go all the way tonightgonna go all the way tonight tonightWe're gonna go all the way tonightgonna go all the way tonight tonightWe're gonna go all the way tonightgonna go all the way tonight tonightRADIO BROADCAST:Ok, here we go.We got a real pressure cooker going here,two down, nobody on,no score, bottom of the ninth...There's the windup, and there it is,a line shot up the middle, look at him go.This boy can really fly!He's rounding first and really turning it on now,he's not letting up at all, he's gonna try for second;the ball is bobbled out in center,and here comes the throw, and what a throw!He's gonna slide in head first,here he comes, he's out!No, wait, safe, safe at second base.This kid really makes things happen out there.Batter steps up to the plate here's the pitch,he's going, and what a jump he's got,he's trying for third, here's the throw,its in the dirt, safe at third!Holy cow, stolen base!He's taking a pretty big lead out there,almost daring him to try and pick him off.The pitcher glances over, winds up, and it bunted,bunted down the third base line,the suicide squeeze is on!Here he comes, squeeze play,it's gonna be close, here's the throw,here's the play at the plate,Holy cow, I think he's gonna make it!GIRL:Stop right there!!!I gotta know right now!Before we go any further!Do you love me?Will you love me forever?Do you need me?Will you never leave me?Will you make me so happyfor the rest of my life?Will you take me awayand will you make me your wife?Do you love me?Will you love me forever?Do you need me?Will you never leave me?Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?Will you take me awayand will you make me your wife?I gotta know right nowBefore we go any furtherDo you love me!!!?Will you love me forever!!!?BOY:Let me sleep on itBaby, baby let me sleep on itLet me sleep on itAnd I'll give you an answer in the morningLet me sleep on itBaby, baby let me sleep on itLet me sleep on itAnd I'll give you an answer in the morningLet me sleep on itBaby, baby let me sleep on itLet me sleep on itAnd I'll give you an answer in the morningGIRL:I gotta know right now!Do you love me?Will you love me forever?Do you need me?Will you never leave me?Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life?Will you take me awayand will you make me your wife?I gotta know right now!Before we go any furtherDo you love me?Will you love me forever?BOY:Let me sleep on itBaby, baby let me sleep on itLet me sleep on itAnd I'll give you an answer in the morningLet me sleep on itBaby, baby let me sleep on itLet me sleep on itAnd I'll give you an answer in the morningGIRL:I gotta know right now!Before we go any furtherDo you love me!!!?Will you love me forever!!!?BOY:Let me sleep on it!!GIRL:Will you love me forever!!!?BOY:I couldn't take it any longerLord I was crazedAnd when the feeling came upon meLike a tidal waveI started swearing to my Godand on my mother's graveThat I would love you to the end of timeSo now I'm praying for the end of timeTo hurry up and arriveCause if I gotta spend another minute with youI don't think that I can really surviveI'll never break my promise or forget my vowBut God only knows what I can do right nowI'm praying for the end of timeIt's all that I can do, woo hooPraying for the end of time,so I can end my time with you!!!BOY:It was long ago and it was far awayAnd it was so much better than it is todayGIRL:It never felt so goodIt never felt so rightAnd we were glowing likeA metal on the edge of a knife Sure, it's a tacky corny song, but it's something to think about. Will he love you forever? Is he just trying to sleep with you? Does he want to marry you? Do you want to marry him?I know I've said it before, and I will say it again. Sex is the deepest, most emotional connection that two people can share, and it's the ultimate expression of love between two people. It is a sacred bond that is not to be taken lightly. There is a reason that so many religions hold marriages as a sacred institution, or sacrament. Did you ever think of what Marriage really means?You can love someone and be fully committed to that person for your entire life. You can be in a monogamous relationship, live with someone, have children together and live a completely normal life without ever getting Married. The one thing that makes a Marriage is consumating the Marriage. In fact, it's actually the law.(I'll get to that in a moment) If you break it down, what you are doing is standing in front of all your friends and family and proclaiming to all of them that you are going to have sex with the man standing next to you at the alter. To get an anullment of the, what you are actually saying is that you never consumated the marriage, and therefore the marriage never really happened in the first place. Legally, by marrying someone you are saying, "I want to make it illegal for my spouse to have sex with anyone else."Anyhow...The point was, if you wouldn't marry him, you shouldn't have sex with him. Save it for the one with whom it would mean the most to you. Let him know this as well, and see what he says. The only flaw is, you would have to trust him to be honest with you. Trust comes along with the territory. While there are many more places in a relationship for trust to exist, hopefully, the concept of trust is a little less abstract in this situation.good luck

I LOVE that song:)