My babies daddy....

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Ok, so my babies sperm donor, occasional gift giver, complete jackass....Calls my daughter(now 14) for her birthday. Nice huh? NOT.

2 years ago, his father died, my daughter loved her grandpa VERY VERY much. He lived in Salt Lake, and she would go every summer.

Well, that was the last time her dad (Jackass) came here. His "stepmom" had Grandpa's ashes, and jackass wanted them. There was supposed to be a party, a hike, and bla bla bla to celebrate his life on the 1st anniversary of his death (his wishes).

So, 2years is approaching, and my daughter wants to know if it is going to happen and if her Grandma can't be there, then she wants to take her back up there. To the place Grandpa loved so much.

Well, Jackass, decides to tell her how he doesn't want her grandma there, because "she is a mean bitch, her kid is alright, but even he is just one of the mean people"...

OK, Grandma, DID NOT raise the dad, she came in AFTER he and I were married....So, it isn't those standard stepmom issues.

Grandma and grandpa were together for 11 years before he died. Never married. Now Jackass is totally excluding her from this.

I worked late that day, off the ranch, and came home to a shaking, white, crying daughter....

This week is her 8th grade grad, and her dad is invited.

Question is this, should I rip him up(like I want), for screwing with my kid for so long(this isn't the first time he has hurt her like this), or should I just let her deal with him however she is going to...I don't badmouth him, up until now, I have let her have her own interactions with him, and figured the day would come when she tells him off...But this one, *grrrrr* no words can explain how mother bearish I am right now!!! I wanna rip his heart out, just like he did hers!

I'm really wrestling with whether I should chew him out, or just let it go. History has shown that when I chew him out, he gets his act together for a minute, and then in a couple months drops her like a hot skillet...My kiddo is 14, and he was only in the house about the first 4 months of her life. Is she just used to it being like this? Should I just stay out and let her handle him like she is going to? I haven't jumped him in about 5 years, waiting for her to make a move. She didn't go to his house one year around x-mas time, but got there at Easter, and he wouldn't give her her x-mas gifts(from his entire side of the family) until the next x-mas IF she showed up then...He called her this year, all pissed and chewed HER out for not calling HIM...after he hadn't made an effort for about a year and a half. The only time he sees her is when I go to his home town to see MY family, and she decides to call him...I don't badmouth him in front of her. We do discuss his behavior sometimes when she brings it up....This isn't the creepy ex that burned down the house or anything, he is just well, a kid himself still, I guess.....

Well, is there any reason why you shouldn't let him know, privately, what you feel?The more feedback he gets, the more chance he has of mending his ways, even if that chance is low.Or will it take too much emotionally out of you?

I don't have problems confronting HIM, I am worried about how he is gonna treat my daughter after the confrontation.I know he is going to either be totally silent, or want her to "talk" about it, and she doesn't really seem ready to talk to him about the hard stuff.I used to talk to him alot when she was younger and I could protect her more, but now it is more like she is old enough to decide if she wants a relationship with him, and I am not sure if I should step in.She and I did talk a bit about it, and she seems fine with me talking to him, but doesn't want him to take it out on her...I don't want to create a situation that causes her pain, though, she is already being hurt...that is the conundrum for me...

I think a parent's first priority is to make sure the child is safe, and obviously this is the first thing in your mind, if you feel like it's putting her in danger in any way then don't do it, but if you think talking will help in the long run then it's probably best, just a 15 year olds perspective here.

chew him out.
stupid ass

Just not at her graduation

Where is the hike?In Utah?if its in the uintas I go there VERY OFTEN if its in the cotton woods I go there pretty often too to hike and look around adn watch the moose.is this hike nad hsit here in Utah?cos uhhhhh I know the wasatch front, I know the uintas, IV traveled all over them on foot, climbed the sheer faces of rock, been up the provo falls in its frozen state to top its 800 feet on an icecicle, walked all over antelope island, the henry mountains, delorous triangle, joes valley, the wellsville range, The mountains in the stae of Utah I pretty much KNOW intimatly, I could always stroll down a path, knock fuck head out and piss on him to add insult to injury. I live 20 minutes west of Salt Lake city, in fact iv been to salt lake city 2 times today, once for a pick up and then again to measure a roof for a bid on it, Iv only been back from teh area for about 20 minutes now. were just teh grandparents in SLC ? or is the dumb ass there too?You do not fuck over the kids, and the fact she had a relationship with someone that cared about her when he hasnt all these years means that he doesnt get to shit on that now just because he is suddenly in the picture. If t were me, Id rip into his ass, if he brought it up with the daughter Id make sure he couldnt see her again.She doeesnt appear to be comfortable around him, and he hasnt been ther for all these years so its not like she would be missing anything. He should be thinking about his daughter ( I say that but I dont belive it, noone thas nto been around when they could of been for so long doesnt deserve to call a child his) and not making sure he excludes his step mom and finds a way to hurt her now that daddys not around.

No, I wish the hike was in SLC somewhere. Talk to your buds here, Spy Rock, Mendocino/Humboldt county line...Pink: He does deserve the chewing, the only chance I will have is while he is here for the graduation. If I do it, I will have my guy and her Grandma whisk her away while I stay behind to chew him out...He is just a "parent of convenience"...for some reason, my daughter is still trying to have a relationship with him...rolls eyes BUT I do remember how I wanted to know my real father at her age..Thatguy: He isn't violent. Just a pothead, (legal where he lives irregardless of prescription).I am just tired of her taking the shit from him, and Grandma, is keeping a promise to Grandpa not to fight with the kids.I guess I will have to just make sure that if I chew him out, I make it TOTALLY clear that it better not come back on her...

I havn't got a reply except to say i admire you Jenn, i certainly couldnt' put up with all the crap you put up with and seeing my daughter hurt, but you do the right thing and let your daughter come to her own realisation that hes a dickhead all by herself, and that takes a lot of strength on your part.I would have to say something about this tho cos its too important to her, a quiet word to let him know how much he upset her.......and if there are reprisals well kick his ass out and enjoy the graduation without him cos he doesn't deserve to be part of it if hes gonna act like that

Well. As said before.. its hard to reply with anything besides admiration. I give my respect to you.My advice is this. First. Chew his ass out. Rip him 4 or 5 new ones. Just not infront of your daughter.Second. Talk to your daughter about him. See how she feels. I give you as much respect as possible for not talking ill of him infront of her. So..see how shee feels.I wish you the best of luck no matter your choice.

You are a strong and smart woman. You will know how to handle this situation when the time comes.

woweeee sounds like my dad!he left when i was three months old...i say let her come to her own desision....my mum let me, and although it was hard as my dad made promises and then borke them, and i was left waiting by the window waiting for him to show, but he never did!endless amounts of promises were broken, and i allways believed he would one day actually make one and keep it...he has a few times, only because my mum would moan and shout and screw at him, then he was good for a while,...and like you said about your own daughter...drop me back down!sort of like, he was the dad when HE wanted to be...when it suited HIM!!!but now ive leanrt that he isnt worth my time, and not to trust anything he says!im glad my mum let me make my desision of him... or oterwise i may still be hagnging on...my mum said it was hard for her to stand there and watch him continuing to dissapoint me and let me down....but it was all for my benefit!dont know if that made sence or not!x

Thanks guys! Well, he didn't get a chewing. It worked out much much better.It all went down last friday. He showed up to the Graduation, (my daughter was beautiful by the way!) and hands her a dozen roses, which, she hands quickly back and says "thanks". Then buzzes away to find her friends, all the while holding on to my boyfriend to take pictures, and help find her friends. Graduation cerimony, she is near last, and when it is all over, I get her found, so she can get pics with the family. She gets that outta the way and grabs my boyfriend again, and jams. SOOOO...Her father is standing around holding a dozen roses, and a couple of cards...with no kid.She does finally catch back up to him, just to say, "Can I have my stuff? I have to go get ready to go camping." This is father's day weekend, he had driven 4 hours to see her, and wanted to spend the weekend with her. He asked where the lake was, and she side stepped it. And told him "nope, I am going camping, gotta see my Grandpa, it's been several years, but he sends me email, and birthday cards, and if I need something he takes care of it"....I really didn't have to do anything, except watch this guy almost cry...My daughter and I talked about it all before hand, and though she did want me to chew on him, when the time came, she handled it well on her own. She adores the guy I have now, and showed it. He has only been in her life for 9months, but knows what her favorite color is, and her sleeping habbits, and knows even what kind of clothes to buy her for her birthday...SIZE TOO! And her father has had 14 years to know her, and didn't even know that she didn't want dead flowers, he should have brought something with roots....LMAO.

I'm glad everything worked out well.

Well handled by her! I've been reading this thread unable to offer any advice having never been in the same situation. You must be proud of her

I still wanted to rip him a new one. Just she did handle it all ok. I just don't know that he will actually get the hint. In time I suppose she will be able to actually tell him what's up, or, I will find a better place and time to let him have it.As it were, there was nothing for me to do that day, besides love my daughter, be proud of her and point to her often and say "look what I did".

I dunno, I still prefer violence, its jsut feels so much better after you hti someone thatn to jsut watch them squirm.I like it when they look in themirror for the next 50 years and see that big scar around the corner of thier eye and remember the day I beat the dog fuck out of them.

Naw, how bout this chance....You got a kid who will never speak to you?Tell me, would you rather have the scar on your face, or the scar in your heart????????My kid is leaving the scar on his heart. There will be the day, when I kick him outta the party....but for now, I know it is a scar, that he won't be able to show off...

I think the kid is doing whats right, Im just a fan of violence.violence makes ME feel better. Nothing makes me feel better than busting the shit out of some asshole that needs it.

man...were so much alike :grin: