Depression.....

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Depression....It effects each of us differently. It used to be a state of mind, but what happens when it goes beyond that? what happens when the pills no longer work? What happens when the outings and fresh air don't work? What happens when friendly cheering up annoys you? Is it really possible for it to become an actual way of life? Sometimes.... Most times,life just feels like you're the canary in the cage hundreds of feet below the surface. Will today the day? Will tomorrow? Will Next week? You can suffocate from lack of oxygen or die from black lung... Either way, the outcome is bleak at best.

I don't know about being a way of life, but so many great people have lived with depression for so long . . .

For me, it is what it is until one day I'll have to run. The day of abandonment hasn't come yet, it may never, but I can feel it getting closer every day.That missing part of myself I can't find and nothing fills up the emptiness within me. What's left to do but run... To me depression is the longing for the missing pieces of our souls. What's missing?.....

Scotty.... Good question. I don't have the answer. I' kept expecting to understand it but I can't seem to find it thru the fog...Does that make any sense?

Dysthymia or Chronic DepressionThe second of the 6 different types of depression is dysthymia more known to many as chronic depression.With this type of depression, a person usually experiences depression symptoms way milder than that of major depression. However, if a person with major depressive episodes experiences the major blues for weeks or months, a person with chronic depression, on the other hand, feels the blues (although mild) day in and day out for a minimum of two years.The feeling of hopelessness, sadness, insomnia and having eating disorders are experienced for a long time, as though having those feelings is just part of the daily life, or that sadness is the regular menu of the day. People falling under this type of depression sometimes fall into major depression.A person with dysthymia or chronic depression requires treatment so as to give the person a chance to live a normal life during his depressed state.That's the form of depression I have to deal with daily. The doc has said I've been depressed since about 8-11 years old. They say it's just a chemical imbalance, I'm sure it is but whatever the cause I feel like something is missing. Sometimes I think I know what it is but I try to look at it rationally and I think it can't be this or that. All I really know is that I have a longing that leaves me with a feeling of emptiness. I've tried filling that emptiness with cars, clothes, booze but nothing seems to work. Sometimes I feel like the problem is I'm content and I don't want to be. I always want to be striving. I don't want to know what's around the next corner. More than anything though, I don't think I've ever known who I am. I've always been the perfect chameleon and reflected whatever and whoever I was around. I'm not being disingenuous, I just don't know what I am. I've never found anything that fits.I've achieved most of the goals I've had in life but I find no satisfaction in those accomplishments now. I'm proud I struggled through and made it, but having made it has no value for me now.I'm horribly sad, horribly defeated and the malaise that fills my soul is numbing to the point of death but I always do my best and think tomorrow it will change. Tomorrow I will find it. Tomorrow something will feel different. Until then I wear a smile and mask my misery. If I didn't joke I would cry. Tears are never far.And what do I take away from all from all this introspection, I understand only that I've no idea what it is I'm seeking or longing for and no one can help. This is my journey, I must trod this path alone. I can, and do, reach for crutches - friends and drugs - but so far they provided no clarity.

"It used to be a state of mind, but what happens when it goes beyond that? what happens when the pills no longer work? What happens when the outings and fresh air don't work? What happens when friendly cheering up annoys you? Is it really possible for it to become an actual way of life?"This is just what I feel. My depression is getting really severe. I don't care anymore, about anything.

When the pills and other treatments no longer work, that's when they start thinking of ECT, which is usually a last resort but does have a good record.

I am of the belief that chemical imbalances (of the brain) causing depression is evolution nipping at our feet. A great cleansing must come.

i deal with depression myself. seems as though everyone deals with it. im only fifteen but i have felt the same way, everyday for a year now. high school sure as hell doesnt help with the emptiness i feel. as i delve deeper into my second year of high school, all i want to do is nothing. no homework, no socializing, just watching tv and sitting. i cant sleep any longer. strange dreams plauge my conscious. im lonely all the time, almost everything pisses me off. but hope is what keeps me going. a better life ahead? but what the hell do i know. keep going and i believe youll be rewarded for your effort with promise on the horizon.

I can gladly say that I have escaped my depression, and like many of you, mine was really, really bad. I met a behavior analyst and I listened to what she had to say. I also listened to what my psychiatrist had to say. A few weeks later, after taking some medicine, I felt tremendously better, but I could still feel the depression. Six months after I was prescribed the medicine, I stopped taking it. It made me feel..... natural. The medicine did something for me I couldn't have done for myself. But I didn't need it any longer. I than began to reshape my environment. I listened to happier, more relaxing music. I stopped socializing with people who didn't agree with my mind, and started hanging out with people who understood what I was saying and could contribute to the I enjoyed having which were more philosophical. The results? My psychologist told me I had almost no anxiety left and my depression is practically gone. He said I have a few more anxiety issues but I will soon resolve them. He told me to be aware as certain things will trigger that depression again. And he was right. As I find those things that do trigger my depression, I walk away and reset my mind. It feels so good. I fought against this for so long.

Good to hear it man. :grin:

Good news!

Oldfolks, I can really relate to what you are implying when you feel something is missing and no matter what you do to fill that void it's always there. I have struggled with depression for the last 10 years. I am currently 21. Before I was even born my biological mother cheated on my father. He in turn, left her and was deployed somewhere else in the army. My mother was Vietnamese and my father was Caucasian. Being a single mother at 17 is hard, but it is especially hard in a poor country like Vietnam. So my mother opted to move to USA. She arrived first and I followed about a year later this was when I was 3. But in that year, my mother found a new man and began a family with him. Unfortunately this new guy did not want a child in his family that was not his. So I was sent to live with my grandmother. Throughout my youth, I was constantly depressed and trying to cover up my depression by doing idiotic things to mask it. I got into drugs and alcohol at a young age. Constantly having mood swings, one week id be hanging out with all my friends. And the next I would be locked up in my room staying up all night and never seeing daylight. Counseling helped me a lot, so did getting on a healthy routine of sleep, diet and exercise. Also I started learning to play the guitar and that has brightened up my day.Basically what I wanted to say was, those drugs and materialistic things made me forget about that empty feeling for a day or 2. But in the end we must find out what our true demons are and face them. I found out that I suffered from thinking "I was never good enough". I thought my own mother abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough. I thought my only love of my life so far abandoned me because I wasn’t good enough. But the reality was it was their problem and their loss, not me being not good enough. Seeing the truth has saved me. I was living depression day by day for years. Now i just get into those slumps every once in a while.I apologize if this was too long and boring...just wanted to share.

Thanks very much for sharing that.

What if it becomes a way of life?Well, then it sux. I've been depressed for who knows how long (pretty much my whole life) and it has definitely become a way of life for me.Do I want to live this way? Hell no. Do I have a choice in the matter? Not really.Now how does depression become to be a way of life? I'm not sure, but I can explain how it became a way of life for me, personally. To keep it simple, nothing else worked. I've tried talking to people, keeping myself busy with other things (drugs, games), and medication. Some of these things are short-term solutions to depression, none of them long-term, which is truly what matters.So what to do when it becomes a way of life? How do I cope with it? The answer is, I don't. I just live depressed all the time. I try to get used to it, but I don't think depression is something you can ever get used to, like a new pair of shoes or something.At some point it does get too much, which is when I become self-destructive and do stupid things. Drugs are almost always involved as well.Is this all a healthy way of life? Hell no. But when all you can do is live for today, you're not really concerned about your quality of life. You're only concerned with getting through the day, to do it all again tomorrow.Long story short, I can relate to you, Roc, in depression being a way of life. If you figure out how to solve this dilemma, feel free to let me know.

Wow! I was really depressed when I started this thread. I have been to that place where I never thought it would end. Somedays it was so bad, I didn't even want to get out of bed. It hurt to breathe, but I somehow made it thru it. I can't say what will work for you, but I think I finely hit bottom. I was in the very bottom of the barrel and didn't care if I lived or died...Mind you, I am not a strong believer of organized religion. but one day I was driving home with strong thoughts of just driving my truck into a tree hoping to end the pain. Realizing that this wasn't who I was, I pulled my truck over and sat there shaking and in tears. I remember screaming out loud help me please. I saw this little cute old chapel. I drove to in and went inside. Now I haven't been to a church since I was a teenager, I walked in and sat in one of the pews. I looked around at all the pretty stained glass and pulled out my Ipod and put some music on and laid down. I must have fallen asleep but was awaken by this young priest. He actually scared the shit out of me and I fell on the floor as I freaked out.long story short, we had a very long talk. He was wonderful about listening to me and my life story and just offed me this advice. He said. " I can't make you feel better. Nobody can.... Only YOU can make you better! When you have had enough of the pain, depression and the emotional roller coaster. That is when you'll decide that enough is enough and you don't want to live this way anymore, then you will know what to do." I thought what he said was bullshit! I left and for along time his words were always in the back of my mind, I remember randomly thinking to myself, Is this time the time? Is this the bottom?that was over a year ago and I have made it out of that dark place. Sure, I still have sad days from time to time but I have learned what triggers it and I try my best not to put myself into that situation anymore. I have mostly good days now and have become a happy person. I take it one day at a time...There is hope for depression

I just now realized how old this thread was, sorry. I only looked at the last few replies and saw they were somewhat newer so I went ahead.> Somedays it was so bad, I didn't even want to get out of bed. It hurt to breatheThat was me yesterday. I didn't wanna get out of bed at all cuz everything just sucked, and I didn't wanna have to deal with life.I've thought about randomly walking into some church too... I'm not really a believer in any god, for reasons of things that have happened in the past, but sometimes it'd be nice to know that there is indeed something higher than me that kinda has control of things. The idea itself seems silly to me, but desperate people do/think desperate things I suppose.One of my biggest problems I think is that I am too smart for my own good, or at least I think so. To try to explain, I'm gonna make this story real short. My entire life I've never been concerned with myself, cuz I didn't matter, not to myself or anyone else (I still think this, as you might've seen in my "hello" thread earlier).Anyways, since I never focused on myself, I always focused on others. In school, I would watch and "study" others and figure out why they do what they do, why they say what they say, etc. Call it psychology. After the years, I've become pretty good at figuring people out, and today I can pretty much tell what kind of a person someone is just by meeting them one time.Why am I saying all this? Because I'm also good at giving advice, and I know this. Other people recognize it, as is proven by the fact that people tell me their problems all the time, even if I just met them. I apparently give good advice too, but whatever.Because of this, I have a very hard time listening to other people's advice to me. I think I know it all. You'd think that recognizing this problem would allow me to do something about it, but I don't know what. So if I walked into a church and poured my heart out to some priest, I don't think I would be able to take his advice.Anyway, I'm glad it helped you though. That's one less person who has to suffer through this.> There is hope for depressionPete tells me this all the time. And I tell him the same thing every time... I might've had hope 10 years ago, but I've long since lost all hope.

This was a very inspiring story:). Im proud of u. Thanks for sharing. I'm very happy you went into the church instead of into the tree:(.

we're all proud...!There is hope... Really. I wouldn't lie to you about that

I've been lied to plenty of times unfortunately