Whats happening?

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That's really good news, LuvMyCats!

My wife and I are trying to work things out but honestly I think it's a fool's endeavor. Neither of us have time for each other or working on our problems. I'm busy trying to work my way into another form of employment and she'll be gone teaching at the college for pretty much the month of July. Other than economic there really isn't a reason for us to stay together. We will both be destitute if we split. In all honesty the thing that terrifies me the most is that if we do split I have no friends anymore. My best friend and cousin, I don't care to see since he's the person that has been lusting after my wife and the only other friends I have are friends through him. I don't know how to talk to people. I avoid talking to them. The only friends I've ever had in my life a I made by glomming on to somebody else's relationship. The thought of being completely, totally and utterly alone, while being surrounded by people, scares the shit out of me. Somehow it wouldn't seem so bad if I was alone by myself but to be alone around people, I don't know how I can handle that.

Would you ever consider moving? Going to another state or country?

I kinda doubt it, for a couple of reasons. First and foremost, I feel like I need to be here for mom. She isn't that healthy and other than a couple of friends of hers I'm kinda it. Like a few nights a couple of weeks ago I had to stay with her cause her blood sugar was around 500.Second and maybe no less significant, I don't want to be in a city. I tend to isolate myself more in the city than I do in the empty countryside. To some degree it's easier cutting yourself off from the world when your in the city than it is when your in the country, and I know, try as I might, that's the trap I would end up falling into. There is just no way I can describe how hard it is for me to interact with people. ...and it's not for lack of trying and years and years of practice.It may sound completely pussy but I'm scared as hell at the prospect of being alone surrounded by people. I spent almost my entire childhood and early adolescence alone, which I'm not complaining about. I was, and am, fine with being alone when I can be away from people in my own worlds, of my own construct. Being alone when I have to be around people though... I did all through school and it was torture, I can't put into words how bad it made me feel and how bad it still makes me feel. Lastly, my ranch is here and I'm not to keen on leaving it after the amount of fighting I've done to keep it for the past 17 years. Of course, leaving doesn't mean I have to sell it and the possibility of coming back to it remains open... I'm just not sure how I could survive elsewhere without selling it.

I know what its like to feel alone surrounded people.. that was my life growing up. I remember in grade school when we had to fill out a form for the yearbook one question was to list all your best friends and Only 1 person listed me as their friend:(.All my closest friends turned their back on me.. My best friend of 6 years old me to go kill myself and that i looked like I weighed 4000 lbs.. all because of a girl he knew for a month...Please don't say that you're alone because you do have people. You have me.. and even though it's over the internet i will ALWAYS be there for you scotty. Always.I'm sorry for everything you've been through.

I'm a little late to the party I know, but I'm sorry too man.I've seen many relationships go that way, my own parents too. I know it's a different from my perspective than theirs, or yours, but I know, or can only imagine what it must be to deal with that. I do, however, know how it feels, like Stephie said, to be alone with people. Most of my childhood was that way too, for the most part, save my best friend. Even now, I'm still kind of that way, wanting to not be, but not doing anything about it, or when I do, I feel more alone. I've only just started to feel more connected with people within the last couple years.Like Steph said, you'll always have us here for you. You've helped me when I needed, I have no intention of not doing the same.

Thanks Pete. It was just an absolute Godsend when we got it, we're still coming to the realization that this van is MINE to keep.*Also, Pete, or Steph, if you still have Saya's email, let her know that I'm glad she's back, it's good to hear from her again, and I'm sorry I was too late to talk with her before she had to leave again.

Msg me if you want saya's email.. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you:)!PS why arent u on msn much anymore??

Alright, I'll do that in short order then Steph. And to be honest, I completely forgot that I had msn. heh heh I'll probably be on more now, thanks for the reminder.

Well, I'm a sophomore in college now, doing about 18 hours a semester because I want to graduate as fast as I can so I move on to veterinary school and start doing what I really want and love to do. Also, I just like being busy. I work at a vet clinic (small animal, some exotics) here in Nebraska, and a couple of times a year I work with Wolves, Woods, and Wildlife out in Minnesota and I get to play with baby wolves, cougars, porcupines, skunks, foxes, bob cats, lynxes and various other wild animals, which is great! I am currently trying to get some kind of job at Henry Doorly Zoo (second best zoo in the United States), but it's been kind of difficult.