Someone help me - please

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hi there. well basically heres the deal. Im addicted to mastrubating, jacking off, crankin it out, good ol mrs palmer and her five lovely daughters whatever. it has destroyed me. all i do is sit there bashing off when ever i get the chance. ive been caught several times with porn b4 i was 18 and it basically fucked up a good 4/5 years of my life. i cant stop, ive tried everything. ive read loads of stuff about it but i just want some actual decent advice. its all a vicious cycle. you see my addicition is web based, but i cant go cold turkey cos i need my pc for essentially my living, im a pro audio technician, so everything is based around my system. I cant set passwords on filters and such cos i will remember them, i cant get anyone else to do it because i would face loosing what little life i have left. I have literraly become numb - i can no longer function properly or talk to people for any period of time because all i can think about is jacking off. I dont know how to stop, and i think ive tried everything. id just like to say 1 thing though, i read a post which i think was on this website and it turned into a massive arguement about some guys issues with religion. can i just say that if you can respect my views, and try to include as little info about religion of any sort. im sorry if that sounds rude, but im fed up of hearing about how god will sort everything out in your life. ive been down that road, it was rough and held nasty surprises at the end. And dont even think about saying that its all there to test faith and that there is some wonderful kind of nirvana like state of everyday living you get from this. once again my wholehearted apology if that is offensive to any one for any reason whatsoever, just please, no religion. thank youstappleberry

Whoa man calm down. ok to start how often do u do this, hold old r u?

Thank you for sharing that. I know that wasn't easy. I know because I share the same addiction. It's a pisser. But the first important step to recovery is opening up and sharing it. If it stays hidden, it stays in control. I also understand the hopelessness in your words. A lot of people don't get that at all. It's a monster. But, I can tell you for certain there is hope. I also have to tell you that it will never not "be there" but you can master it.
As for the religion thing, I get that and respect it. I am a Christian. However, one thing that I learned is that all the scripture and sermons and well-intentioned spiritual platitudes in the world couldn't help me battle this demon. I didn't lose my faith, I just realized that there were things I had to do apart from all of that. I only share that to say that I can understand and connect and hopefully be helpful despite that difference in world view.
I'm really at a loss as to what to say to you because I don't want to be just another voice saying more words. Know what I mean? But I can tell you what helped me. I finally got fed up enough with it about 2 and a half years ago to do some things that actually worked. The first thing that helped was having a friend on the same journey. We gave ourselves a challenge. 30 days with no masturbation. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. And 30 became 60 then 90 then 120. It was amazing. Having the support and accountability helped. The second thing was finding a counselor. You don't need a psychiatrist or psychologist. Just a good counselor/therapist who can help you navigate the difficult waters ahead. The third thing was reading a wonderful book called 'Don't Call It Love' by Patrick Carnes, one of the leading experts on sexual addiction. It is great for helping to identify and starting to deal with the addiction. Finally, find ways to put up roadblocks where needed. I was able to get a decent internet filter. You may not be able to do that with your job, but maybe there are other things you could do.
This is just initial, basic stuff, but I think a good place to start. I really think that the main thing to start with is finding another man in your real life who you can share this with and get some daily encouragement.

All that being said...I have to be honest and say that I still struggle with the porn and masturbation. It's happened 3 times in the last 4 days. But it's a journey, and I'm getting better.

Finally...I really would love to help in any way I can. I have really grown so much in this and learned so much about this and am passionate about helping whoever I can. So feel free to send me a private message if you would like. Let me know how I can help.

And good luck! Hang in there!

In reply to: Whoa man calm down. ok to start how often do u do this, hold old r u? What's with the calm down bit? This post was one of the most articulate, heartfelt, rational posts I've seen here. You may not have meant anything about it, but when people take a big risk and post something like that, a comment like that might come across as abrasive.just a thought...I'm not upset or not trying to cause a ruckus...

as with most addictions, (i.e. alcohol, sex, drugs, work, etc...) they tend to be a sort of crutch. people use these, "crutches" for many reasons. some to feel a void, others to pass time, and so on. well as I've written in another post "too much of anything tends to lead to physical, emotional, mental and socialogical problems." I too have found myself over-indulging in what like to call a "good-time". as most everyone knows, though some don't acknowledge it even though they know, that too much of a good-time can and usually will result in some sort of remorse. well what I've seen in most addiction recovery programs (i.e. A.A., N.A., S.A., church, etc...) is that, they try to direct your focus away from whatever your addiction/problem is. because if you just try to quit the result tends to be a relapse. however there are such things as "good-addictions", better known as hobbies. I found that instead of spending my time focusing on my over-indulgence at meeting or praying over it and waiting for something to happen. I choose to involve myself in other positive activities such as excersize and later in sports (a local flag football league). as anyone will tell you, that's been in the same sort of predicament that you have found yourself in, the first month(s) can be arduous. also you will always find yourself wanting to resort back to your old habbits, and that's normal. when that does occur that's the perfect time to get away and go be around other people doing something positive. the road is long and strenuous. but you always have to remember where that "good-time" has lead you and that if you don't use that "crutch" you will find something else to use in it's place. just let that something else be an activity that will benefit you in a positive way. I hope what I wrote can help you and anyone else. most of my advice has come from personal observations I've made from the experiences I, and others close to me, have lived through.(please excuse my grammer)

Hey bud, welcome to our little world and thanks for being so honest with us about your struggles. Damien has done a great job of suggesting some things that may help...I really can't add anymore except to say that you're not alone with this struggle. Many of us have become addicted to porn and masturbation and sexual things and its a pisser to deal with. Each of us is going to call on their own inner strength or philosophy for overcoming things. My religion and faith helped me but I respect your desire to leave that out of this for you. Any addiction requires that you're honest with yourself and that you bring people into your support system to help you overcome the demons within. I'm willing to be one of your support people through this. I've got some experience in helping people with addictions as well. Setting goals and working through this is going to challenge you, but remember it didn't get this way overnight and it won't be done overnight. If you'd like some support or help, please feel free to stay in contact...you hang in there and good luck bud. You can beat this (no pun intended!)

In reply to: ...i read a post which i think was on this website and it turned into a massive arguement about some guys issues with religion. lol i think that's just about every other thread on this site!

you know what dude...just put a lock on your pants...(jk) almost all guys have an addiction to jacking off....its not like your the only 1!

i told him to calm down cuz it seemed like he was freakin out about it.....the point is to tell him theres nothin to worry about it, hense calm down dont get ur panties in a bunch

Wow that’s pretty tough. What if for the passwords you close your eyes and with a ball or something just roll it crossed the board? Oh wait! I'm an idiot cuz then you have to retype it to verify. Could you have someone else set the password? That would involve sharing your "problem" with a real life person though.I think you just need to decide within yourself that you really are going to cut this down to a certain number of times a day and work at it. Too bad there isn't a Spankers Anonymous.Maybe you should try working out of the house more. Work from a laptop and spend more time out of doors. At least that would cut back on your opportunities.I'm probably not being all that helpful but I'm rooting for you.

In reply to: I'm probably not being all that helpful but I'm rooting for you. That's not true at all. You made some great points.I think a great way to handle it is to have someone else set your password for you. My roommate and I have held each other accountable by splitting a password. It was a combination of a 4 letter word I chose and one he chose. That way it took 2 of us to log on. Yeah, it does mean letting someone in on your "secret", but like I said earlier, that is also a very important part of the equation. You can't fight it in solitude. And strangers online don't count. It's also a great idea to stay away from the house. I do that sometimes for that very reason. If I feel like it's gonna be a problem, I'll walk across the street to the coffee shop, or go somewhere else public where there's wireless. It may not be possible with your work, depending on how much additional paraphanalia you need. But it is a great idea.

well heres an idea for setting passwords. type in some jibberish like: "jgbsjhgw2jhgbej2gjg3" that you wont be able to guess. that mighgt be a start. good luck

maybe you should read ilikekisses post...dumbass

There really is no need for that.

this "addiction" to masterbation concept always strikes me as odd. However, OCD people wash or scratch, etc to an unhealthy degree so this could be the same.I used to sneak a peek at porn alot at work until I finally bought my home PC. Then I had easy access and the novelty faded. Maybe that kind of extra exposure can help.Also, if you are willing to admit to a councellor what you have admitted to all of us, therapy would be my next advice.Most therapists don't differentiate between the type of addiction (booze, drugs, sex, cleaning, knucle cracking) but treat them as just an addiction and work from there.

dude... you're taking this way too seriously... it's just jackin off... most everybody loves it. are you saying you can't get a girl to do it because it would make you lose what life you have left? because my advice would be to get a girl...

crazydude13, please back off and let the folks who actually understand the deal respond. If our friend has an addiction, it should be taken very seriously. It's not "just jacking off". In fact, it's not even about jacking off. IT's so much deeper and more complicated than that.Here's a little teaching piece for you - offered respectfully. Get a little life experience under your belt before you start deciding for others what is or is not to be taken seriously. Jacking off - good.Addiction - bad.

Sorry. That probably came off a bit harsher than it needed to be.
I just know a lot about addiction, from studying, research, and personal experience. It's a serious deal. Maybe, given the tone of your post, you are not dealing with a sexual addiction. Kudos to you. Here's to many more decades of addiction-free wanking for you! :smirk:

Hello everyone,I felt that I wanted to take part in this thread. I've tagged along on a similar thread but I don't think I took is seriously enough. I feel that I have a problem also. This post may be a bit long, but if someone could read it and tell me what you think that'd be great.Firstly, although I'm not a major member of this site, as I'm starting to recognise people on here it's becoming more difficult to come out with this!I'm in a similar situation to strappleberry. I use my computer for work - I'm a Network and Security Engineer (IT). Sometimes my work entails breaking passwords, creating secure systems and so on, so anything passworded is not going to work. I'll always find a way around them. I also have quite a few computers. Laptops, desktops and servers at home and can browse for porn on any of them. I often visit client sites and I masturbate there (I'm often there after hours) in the office, or in their toilets. I'm ashamed of this and just want to stop.It looks like I'll have to fight this without disconnecting myself from the porn technically, but with willpower. Normally I'm extremely strong willed but this is one thing that weakens me. I cannot remember giving up on any problem (I hate to let things beat me) besides this.I do it in client's offices, friend's houses, family's houses, between client visits etc.Now, when my GF is around it's usually about 3-4 times per day: When I wake up, in the office, and then maybe two times at night when I get home. If she's not around (she's overseas now) it's about 7-8 times per day. It's just stupid. I don't masturbate less when she's here because we 'do it' very often, but probably just because she's around more to see me. Sometimes I skip days if I'm literally flat out for 14 hours working or something.I'm not sure if this is a contributing factor, but my GF and I have not yet had sex, and I'm ready and more that willing to do it! We've been together for 4 years and are both virgins (She is 28, I am 24). I don't want to pressure her into it, or make her feel obliged to and at the moment she's only up for oral. I'm basically sick and tired of oral (I don't enjoy receiving it that much) and am just bored. When I look at porn I kind of fantasise about having real sex I suppose. She wants to partake in our oral routine quite often, but it's just too much of a routine for me and I'd now just prefer to toss off with my fantasy and be done with it. I actually don't think that there's any incentive for her to ever have sex, as I'm well and truly pleasing her orally and I think she'd enjoy that more than penetration. This somewhat depresses me. I actually think that it'd help my addiction if I we had some sex - but as I've not ever tried it I can't say. What do you think?As crude as it may sound to say it, I just want to shag her brains out! She knows that I want to but I've never pressured her at all. I'm not really aroused unless my partner is just as willing as I am.So. To summarise. I get all my porn off the 'net. I spend 16 hours per day at a computer of some kind, and that's a requirement of the job - I own my own business so I'm usually doing the accounts etc at night on a computer. I'm pretty strong willed but not when it comes to this. I have an 80GB porn collection that's growing rapidly. I don't have a close friend that I see often that can help monitor or challenge me (I don't know anyone else with this addiction!!!). I'd say that I've had the addiction for 4/5 years. I always thought that it was normal when it started (19 y.o) but now I'm 24 I thought that my hormones would have died off by now, along with the addiction. I do somehow think it's aggravated by my yearn for sex, and that I'm not satisfied with the sexual aspect of the relationship with my GF.Also, the times that this is at it's worst is when my GF is away, and this is when I say 'Hey, I have to stop' but when she's away it's the worst time to decide I'm going to quit! It's a catch 22!I'm sorry for the horrendously long post. This was tough, I hope it wasn't tough to read it, and thanks if you've come this far.Given the above list of issues, am I a lost cause? Is this uncurable? I can't really tell anyone I know, as they all just see me as a (considerably) successful businessman, and they could not see anything like this in me.

In reply to: Firstly, although I'm not a major member of this site, as I'm starting to recognise people on here it's becoming more difficult to come out with this! I just wanted to say to all who have posted above, thanks, for sharing what seems to be a difficult thing, with me, and everyone else who reads it.....it took guts to write it all down hugs