I don't know where to start! Well, I'm 17, Male, and i think i have problems of some sort, lol. The past two-three years have been really weird, and have completely changed me. I never talk about it, because i don't think i have a right for other goings on in this world, but i just want to now.
I had normal good life until my parents split ( I know, classic ) and i found out i had two half sisters from my dad cheating. I was stunned to think my dad would cheat on my mom, and i stopped talking to him, and never have since.
At first my mom was a wreck. She has put with a terrible childhood. She was abused, and put into a home, and beat up in a previous marraige, and my dad leaving was just pushing it. I hold alot of anger towards my dad from do this. My mom is getting better, but after two years she still has problems with her nerves and has her bad days.
I doubt my friends ever thought i had these problems, because i wasnt exactly putting up a front like some people do. I'm just an optimist, and a level headed guy. I can see things for what they are, and a nice guy :smile:.
So, soon after my parents split i met this girl, and i just completely fell in love with her, I know it's crazy for a 14/15 year old at the time, but i had crazy-strong feelings for her, and as i look back i feel as though i done it because i needed someone to love or i need to fill a gap my father had left, but i still think about her sometimes. We had a really good relationship as friends, tried as a couple and sadly it didn't work out, and i just delt with it in my own time.
I was really upset. This happend last summer, and i spent almost 90% of that summer indoors, just reflecting. The last thing i wanted to do was get advice from my mom, because she was heart broken still, and she has no insight of my private life, and she tells her freinds about my life sometimes, and it annoys me in away, but also makes me sad, because she hasn't a clue what i'm doing, but it's my fault.
A year since i split with that girl, and i haven't had a gf since, though i am kinda close to someone and have some feelings for her. Anyways, now that i'm 17 one thing slipped away from my to do list while coping with so many things, and that was sex, i never lost my virginity. I have actually kinda delt this issue with myself, and i don't think i will have a problem, but i get some pressure from my mates! lol.
So i've basicly told you whats happened, but what scares me is that the memories when my dad was in my life don't feel like they actually happened, and i can't remember how i thought back then. I'm terrified to think that this might cripple me in the future. I can identify the problems, but i no have soloution for them. I have never cried over it either, though i've endured day after day with my mom crying her heart out, and my younger brother.
I think i'm a stable person, but since the summer hols have started, i've barely left the house, and my social life is pretty blah, though i do have plenty freinds. I was talking to one on the net a few days ago, and i upset him by accident, and i felt so bad about myself, and this has brung on why i'm feeling so weird today. It was a small thing that has made me just think how much has happened over the past few years.
I'm sorry if it don't make sense but i don't think it's meant to :smile:
My father tried to confront me and i got to tell him what i thought while using colourful insults, and i never felt better :smile:
One thing aswell, i'm getting terrible De Ja Voo (spelling) it's bad. lol