I've posted here before, and I usually do a lot of lurking around here, but I have a serious problem that I need help getting solved. So I met this really awesome girl during this school year. You can search my recent posts to find out about her, but at first she really didnt like all the sweet things I did for her. She listened to her "friends" and didn't like me at all. Well, within the past month, we have spent so much time together and now she is really interested in me... as being awesome friends. She has never had a boyfriend but she has had one really good guy friend over the summer and she had the 1st grade crush until like 9th grade... but everyone has those.So, I have told her that I really want a good friendship more than anything because both of our "friends" have abused our trust and we both realize that when we're together we feel awesome, but when we're not together, people start rumors and we say things without meaning them and hurting the other person. I have spoken to her about being her boyfriend and that I'm perfect for her, and she agrees to that, but she just doesnt want a boyfriend... for anyone, although she considers me one of her best friends.Ok, so the for the ORIGINAL reason for the post. She is not a touchy person at all. I've watched a movie at her house on the couch, on the floor, but I have never been able to cuddle with her. I'm really good friends with one of her friends and i've cuddled with her before and talked about "boy problems", but whatever I do, I can't get this girl that I like to feel comfortable with any touching period. Like it's really hard to give her a hug, i have to use them very sparingly. I think this has to do with her childhood. She was abused as a child and her parents blamed almost everything on her, especially their divorce. she really didnt get enough love as a child. I think this might effect the way she acts towards me. I dont know how many times she's told me she really likes me and i make her laugh and that she loves being my friend. She even cried because i got upset and told her i couldnt hang out when i had planned. She is really beautful and gorgeous and knows how to look really sexy. And I'm not about sex, i'm more about friends, but there's always those hormones getting in the way.So..... what can I do to fix this problem? How can I help it progress? A really good gal friend of mine told me to develop really good friendship with her, which I am doing. I've only been a "good friend" for about a month or so. Before then, I was a "bad friend" but that was only influenced by the people around her. She keeps on telling me that she doesnt like it how guys come and go in her life and that most of her freinds just come and go and sometimes tells me that I will be the same. but i have already promised her that I won't come and go. I think that's the best solution, but this has really been bothering me for a while and I need to post about it on here and get it out of my system.thank you so much,anondude
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HELP!?! A Case of Non-Cuddling Disease
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help! Anyone?by the way, she signed onto aim tonight and her away message was this... "cozying up with a book...because that's about all i cozy up with haha"^ so true!
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She is scared of getting hurt and has lots of walls up. If you really want to be with her, you are just going to have to give her some time to sort everything in her head. It is more her than you, you are just going to have to be patient. If she has never had a boyfriend, then of course she isn't used to cuddling up with anyone, and if her upbringing was bad, then she really isn't used to people wanting her. You are just going to have to ride it out. Sorry, hope things start to go better for you and her.
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ok, I think you hit the nail right on the head on that one. I think that's how it's going to be and it's hard to understand really, but what you said almost sounded perfect. Anyone else?
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Go to her friends. I know that sounds werid but to it. If you go to her friends and ask them questions on what she is lookin for in a man that might help. But also you got to think are they tellin me the wrong shit. But her friends will tell her that you are really wanting to be with her as more then friends. Or u can use the best guy move in the world and that is date someone else and see how she feels about it. Maybe jealousy will get her to want you. I have done this once and man did it work more then ever. But dont leave the girl for the one you want. That will give this girl that you really want to be with the thought that you will leave her for another girl. If you do this make sure the girl you date is only a temp. Dont fall in love or get to attached. I am not saying use woman. It sounds like this but i have had it done to me and done it and it isnt that bad if you dont make a big thing out of the relationship that you are in to get the girl you want. You understand what i mean?
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<<<>>><>Her friends apparently don't like this guy, so that is a bad idea because they aren't going to be honest with him and just blow him off. Plus I wouldn't believe what her friends say, because they don't like him, they will probably lie to him.It sounds like he really likes this girl and doesn't want to play games with her. She is the one with past issues, that she needs to deal with. He really wants to be with her.
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i can see that. But if he really wants to be with girl then he is going to have to move on. This girl doesnt want him. Sorry man, life is a bitch. There are other fish in the sea man. Maybe her seeing you with a nother woman will make her relize that she wants you. Or if you really care about this girl try and bring those walls down. That is what you should really do. Dont be a reckon ball. Dont just tear those walls down. It may take some time but if you "love her" or care about her you will be willing to help her take the walls down. Take them down slowly and show her that you are there for her and you arent going anywhere. Be honest all the time, dont lie just becuae you know that is what she wants to hear. A woman can smell a lie like a shark smells blood in the ocean. Just be yourself and if you can get those walls down move on. What ever you do dont but more walls up for her. If you do decide to move one dont be a ass about it and tell her shit like "you could of been the one that i hold at night" and shit like that. That will just make sure you never have a chance with her in you life.
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Are you for sure that she likes you, hopefully so more than a friend, like hopefully pretty soon she may want to step it up a notch.
Have you ever talk about stuff like that with her?
Have you put any kind of move on her, I know you said she is real standoffish but, have you tried at all. I am not telling you too, just want to know if you have and what her reaction has been. -
ok, let me tell u quick background. She loves talking to me, specially on aim, 7-8 hours a day during break and 3 hours yesterday... we're both busy but she talks a lot to me. she's not touchy at all, but she told me "she wants to meet half way" like she is trying really hard to give me hugs / anything... she likes me a lot and can tell me anything on her mind. The main reason she doesnt want to have relationship is ebcause she doesnt think she can be honest about her feelings because she can't really figure out how she feels... and when i told her, "i love you" she was really flattered and i explained it like this... "Who knows what love really means, because it's a flaw in our language. But what I'm trying to say is I really care about you, about how you feel, about what happens to you. I can only hope for the best, because I can't control what happens. You constantly fill my mind and I only hope you discover yourself so you can discover what it is that I want. Maybe you are trying to tell yourself that you really do care about me in a way you can't explain, but I'm not one to understand everything. And maybe I just want "to be loved" and you are invariant to the equation. But I really want both, I don't want to fade away and I don't want you to fade away. I want you and me to be there for each other... forever." and she told me she teared up. She said she didnt really know what love is because it's only meant pain to her. then she read my away message (because it's 9:30pm and i just got home... never got home since school) and she said this"you make me laugh even when im in a bad mood, thanks you!" so i know she likes meand yes, i;ve asked her out before, but she says she doesnt think she'd be a good girlfriend because she doesnt know how she feels and she says, "you're at the top of my list, if there was a list, but can we be friends for now?"And yes, she already said she'd go with me to prom.
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well, this situation has gone into a lot of details, and ive kept up with a few close friends... if something big comes up, i'll post a new thread. thanks for the help though guys :smile: