My fiance doesn't turn me on!

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Ok I touched on this on another post I wrote. But my fiancé doesn’t turn me on. He is so perfect in every other way. I have never once had an orgasm from thinking about him and what we were doing. I am always thinking about someone else or some fantasy. I really wan to be in the moment with him but every time I try I can't come to orgasm.One problem I have with him is that he is not rough enough. He is a very sweet guy and has trouble being really rough. Even when he manages to get rough it doesn’t turn me on that much because I know him so well and I know in real life he isn’t all rough. I don't know. Most of my fantasies are about guys I don't really know or just know a little bit.I am wondering how I would break this cycle so that i can just be in the moment with him and orgasm from how he makes me feel. I am pretty frustrated with my sex life.

with out going back and searching to make certain...youv been with him for 7 years.Did he ever do it for you? is it something you that youv lost over time as the newness wore off or did he never take you to that magic moment?perhaps your bored with him but cant let go because hes so great in every other way or maybe you two need to get the hell out of your normal lifes and go for a vacation.A nice get away is always grand, but what I mean is a vacation from who you are. Try some new shit out that you would never do, invite him to do the same thing.Role playing? Get out of town int a new setting for a weekend where noone knows you and you can experiment with new ideas and indulge a little.Maybe at home your too shy or hes too shy, the same setting over and over, nothing new to spark something out of the boredom and routine. Maybe all it would take is a trip across town to a new setting or maybe its time to call it quits and find someone that really turns your crank.

See the thing is that I think I turn him on, but he doesn't do it for me. He never has. We go on vacations sometimes, but we don't usually do anything wild and crazy. I have tried talking to him about this. He thinks the sex has gotten better in the last few months but it hasn't. Well it has gotten a little better, but just a little.There is one thing that i know is bringing us down. We both still live with our parents. We have sex at my hosue but it has to be quiet and stuff. We will be moving out some time during this year.

How old are you guys?

Im 21 and he is 22. We just graduated from college. We were waiting till we were done with that before we moved out. We are planning on building soon.

**I didn't and still don't have wild sex when i am staying over at my parents house, or his for that matter.
If it were just that i would say things would get better once you moved out, but you say that he doesn't turn you and never really has done, so i guess the problem is deeper than that.
Sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship, but, its an important part of it, not to mention important to us as individuals - our sexuality is important.
I know what you mean about asking him to be rough, i used to do that and it wasn't right cos i knew if i said stop, just once he would do...........things have changed now im glad to say.
Communication is important you need to be totally honest about your feelings and how he makes you feel. If you can't work through this now, it doesn't bode well for marriage, kids etc etc. **

My opinion, if your sex life isn't fulfilling to you, then I don't think you are going to be satisfied in your relationship and future marriage. You may end up cheating on him and that wouldn't be good and then you may guilt.You may want to resolve this issue before you get married, really think about what you are going to be spending the rest of your life with. I understand that you really love him as a person, but not in the bedroom. Maybe talk to him about everything and lay it all on the table. You 2 should really talk before you take your vows. Good luck!!!!

I don't understand it becuase he is a really hot guy. I mean he works out and stuff. I look at him and I think he is so hot, but yet he doesn't get me turned on. What would cause that?

For me getting turned on is very little to do with looks, its how they are, how they act etc...........I have been very turned on by people who are not hot, but just have that 'thing' that drives me crazy. I think you are thinking about this too much, can i ask, are you happy in your life? Sometimes lack of sex drive is a symptom of something else, like depression, or stress for example............just wondering.

No I am not very happy. I am looking for a job and bored to death. I do have depression but it is under control with meds. I have felt this way even when I was happy. I love him so much but he just doesn't have that "thing"

are you on Antidepressants?

What meds are you taking? Many antidepressants can have a negative effect on sex drive and/or ability to orgasm.

I am on wellbutrin XL. I have been on it for about 4 years. I can get very turned on from porn and things like that.

Hmmm...that one seems to have fewer bad side effects in that department than the SSRI's (like Paxil) do. And you are still able to get turned on. I guess it must be personal.

Ok so am i right in thinking that you're 21 trying to remember what i have read in posts LOL and you've been with your fiance for 7 years, that would mean you were 14 when you got together? Do i take it you havn't been with anyone else but him? If so do you think your wondering what it would be like with other people, and feel that you're missing out?just random thoughts.........

It seems like the question has developed to, what is in the porn, or whatever else gets your motor running, that turns you on, that he is not offering you.Is it kink?Are you just bored with him?Is sex with him routine and predictable?Does sex, itself, just seem like it's more trouble than it's worth?Are you watching the porn as a way of supplementing your sexual fulfillment or is it a diversion, a way of forgetting and ignoring your problems for a few minutes?Some random questions to ask yourself.....

I don't think you love him. I think you are trying to convince yourself into thinking you do, and that isn't right.I know about the saying "you grow into love", but still there has to be a strong physical attraction to start with...You need to take a break. See other guys. If you don't want to see others, then take a break anyway. I'm thinking a year or so...