I wasn't sure if this was the correct section for this, but oh well. Before I present the main problem, I think I have to talk about some details. This has some drama, so if you don't want to be part of it, it's fine. But I just can't get over the bulk of my problems; I feel so disoriented.I'm a half Russian/Japanese Muslim which is obviously not one of the more common types of people here in the US. Even though I have never been picked on for being what I am, I always feel like I'm at a disadvantage, like somehow I feel a lot less "important" or that I’m not at the same level as everyone else because of how much different I am racially/culturally/religiously. Like for example, I won't even ask girls out on dates just because I think that since I'm not "one of the norms" in my area such as being White or Hispanic, that I would be treated as just a nobody or "someone else" which disheartens me greatly. I mean it has even got to the point where I’ve needed counseling and psychotherapy because of my anger problem over this and the depression that came about. While I am better now in a way, I still feel like I have a lot of problems left. I’ve tried to discuss this with my parents, not really entirely, but even then they find me very ridiculous to bring it up. Obviously they were born in their own countries so I’m quite sure that racially they felt nowhere as out of place as I do, so they wouldn’t be able to relate.Finally, there is this series of events that has lasted for many years. There is this guy I have known since about the 5th or 4th grade. Ever since he was in my class I have never liked him, but I kept it to a point so that no one really knew. And then he moved to a different school for 6th-8th grade so I figured that I wouldn’t ever see him again. However when high school started, he moved back into town and enrolled into our school and my frustrations against him fired up again. You are probably wondering why I feel so much bitter hate against him, and there are many examples I could bring up such as they are probably ridiculous how he earns better scores on tests/exams on non-mathematical related subjects even though I stay home study while he goes out and gets high/drunk or how girls seem to be a lot more leaning towards him even though people tell me that I am one of the better looking people at school and that I have a much better personality. Basically the bulk of the issue is how I hate that he somehow manages to get things I try to work hard for without doing shit. Maybe I am probably taking the situation a little too extreme, but that is how I have interpreted it. The biggest problem out of this case has been tennis however. While he doesn’t really care for tennis, he started playing since our freshman year because his friends were in it. He was better than me freshman year so I have to hand it to him that he deserved to be a higher rank than me. I practiced my ass off during the off-season playing in dozens of tournaments and hitting everyday and it payed off because I ended up defeating him in our sophomore year. Again after sophomore year, I practiced even more becoming ranked as one of the top players in the southwest in my age group. The season starts and now we are all juniors and we were determining rankings by playing matches and I was up 5 games to 0 against him (I just needed one more game to win) and I suddenly had like a panic attack of how much I really hate him and how he somehow gets the upperhand in everything even though he doesn’t do anything to try to accomplish it, which made me just freeze and he ended up winning 7 games in a row, winning the match. And then I started wondering how he manages to somehow become better at tennis even though he has never stepped on a court, let alone pick up a racket, for 5 minutes total during all the off-seasons while I practiced hundreds of hours and wasted hundreds and hundreds of dollars for tournaments and I barely improved at the same rate. It isn’t that he improves to the point that he is at my level, but that he improves upon what he originally had, because if it was some other person that was at his level, I would be him 6-0 consistently hands down. So after that day, my mind just exploded and that is when I went to get therapy and counseling, however I never explained about this problem I have with this individual. So now I am a senior and the new season has just started. I saw him last week and he told me that he wasn’t going to play tennis this year, which made me extremely relieved because I wouldn’t have to deal with him on the courts and it would be better for the team because he has barely won any school matches at all in the other three years. Today was the first school practice and halfway through he shows up and hits for a few minutes; I freeze on the court. My heart suddenly just races scared so I just go sit on the bench as if nothing is wrong. He was kicked off the court however because he didn’t have a physical slip to allow him to play and he told everyone that he might play, but probably not. But if he were to play and I were to lose to him, I think I am just going to throw in the towel for tennis for the rest of my life, because I have wasted over 5000 dollars in tournaments, equipment and coaching, hundreds among hundreds hours of practice of off-season practice and all the effort I have wasted during the seasons while he has never even bought a racket for himself, never touched a tennis court during all off-seasons and doesn’t put any effort during the seasons. I don’t know what to do, I’m really weak.Sorry about not editing this. I'll edit this later.
Welcome to A2A, thesolo.
Life often is unfair - other people are better-looking, more talented, or more successful than us, for no reason we can see. It's particularly galling when people who are lazy and untalented are more successful than us, and it happens so often.
But the biggest problem for you is that you are obsessing about this guy, and it's holding you back. You need to mentally let him go - accept that life isn't fair, but you'll do the best you can. Try not to be over-competitive.
The fact that you have distinctive differences from most of the people around you could be turned to your advantage. You have the advantage of being 'exotic'. But underneath it all we are all human, and any relationship soon gets below the surface, to where it doesn't matter where someone comes from.
Well I have tried to let it go, but after losing to him in tennis, it was kind of the last straw and at the moment I want him to join the tennis team so that I can beat him and finally just let it go, because I don't really care if he does better at the other things because I don't put as much effort into them as much as I do tennis.I talk to my neighbor a lot, who is a former professional quarterback, on ways to improve my confidence in not just tennis, but in life and so far nothing really has helped. For example, three years ago he told me that being arrogant helps, but instead it made my personality look worse to people, especially to strangers since I started taking it way too seriously, so I had to stop. And I have tried all the "homegrown" and "cheesy" methods however it seems like nothing has worked.
I think confidence comes from being yourself, rather than acting some sort of role. What works for another person is not necessarily right for you.
Well I haven't found something that is something for "myself." However, I have noticed something. Back in the days when I used to be more of a "winner" in competitions, I had anger problems (especially having a short temper), and showed it a lot in the games that I would play, especially when I'm losing. But after my sophomore year, my tennis coach decided that I would play better if I never got angry on court. While I have improved in some areas since keeping my nerve, some other aspects have dropped. Like I don't feel that same "fire" inside that made me want to win points and stay in points like I used to have when I was angry. And now when I do try to get that same flame started, I end up trying to play points not lose/choking/getting nervous/etc.