Ok so here is the deal. My boyfriend and I have been dating 2 and a half years. He is a great guy in general, but I'm worrying that because we have been together for so long, he is starting to take me for granted. He is very short tempered, the other day I told him my Mom forgot to bring ice cream home for him from the grocery store and he started screaming at me and hung up the phone. Honestly, why get mad over something so petty? Then today we were on the phone again, I was at the library while we were talking, and I was looking up a journal for school. I told him I couldn't find the right issue and he was like "what page number?" And I'm like i'm not sure it doesn't say, so he got mad hangs up again! What is the point of that? It had nothing to do with him! He also critiques everything I do, from the way I hang my coat up, to the way I squeeze the toothpaste container (literally.) He snaps at me all of the time. But then he always worries so much that I'm going to get so frustrated and just leave him. He tells me he needs me and he loves me yada yada..but whenever I try to ask him if we can talk he says "no." I've asked him to sit down and talk many times, and he always "no, i'm not talking." Is he afraid of the outcome or what?! I just feel that being a 22 year old "man", you should be able to sit down and talk with your significant other if they request so. I just find that really childish..I told him many times to please stop putting me down, calling me names, etc..because if he doesn't I just don't know..I love him, but I need to respect myself, and stop being so passive. How can I get him to sit down and talk with me?! What can I say to convince him to talk..Help! He KNOWS how mean he can be to me sometime because he says all the time "i don't deserve you", "i'm such an asshole", please dont leave me..i love you, i can't wait to marry you, i can't wait to live with you, etc etc. so confused!
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Help please..
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His attitude toward you isn't going to get better with time, unless his shortness is caused from an outside source of stress, school, work, not having enough to pay bills, etc.Has he always been this way or is his tone with you something new? What do you think is causing his behavior?If this is just who he is, drop him find someone who respects you. You won't be able to change who he really is.As for getting him to talk to ya, it's not entirely his choice whether you to talk or not. You can demand it, if he still refused to discuss what is going on, then you've got your answer and you can get on with your life.Sorry, but that's all I got time to say now. It's kinda short but...
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my first instinct tells me he might be fighting depression at some level. When people lash out and start petty arguments with people close to them, the subjecy of the argument is rarely what's actually eating at them.I'm not sure how to make him talk to you but it need to happen and soon. Maybe instead of asking to talk, it might work if you were to calmly ask him what's really bothering him. You can invite conversation without saying "let's talk"He might not immediatly open up but if you are patient and pose the question on a few occasions he might finally let it out.
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As always good incite Mr. U.
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He has probably had this tone with me on and off for about a year and a half now.
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He's lucky he's not dating me because I would have punched him in his mouth already. Quote:please dont leave me..i love you, i can't wait to marry you, i can't wait to live with you, etc etc. so confused! Don't fall for that shit either. Alot of girls tend do that, myself included. Sorry that I sound mean or angry, I just have been there and done that already.
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No I understand, it wasn't mean at all..and I asked him "I need to know you feel, i don't feel like your happy anymore the way you snap at me and how you are so short tempered with me" and hes like just look at the ring on your left finger that should tell you. (It's a promise ring) but in the end, it still matters of how he talks to me!
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Two things.. 1. If your not happy with him dump him.2. Mr U is right with the depression… but I dk I that’s why he’s being mean to you. I wouldn’t and don’t treat my girlfriend that way…and I never would. Tho I do do what Mr U is talking about.. lashing out. I don’t know why but I only do that with males. My therapist, brother and dad have had to deal with me and my lashing…….. So has this forum. Now I dk if your bf is depressed or is just a asshole. I don’t know anything abut him other than he has a hot temper. My dad is a hot head and I’m scared to death of him. He don’t yell at my mom or sister like he does me or Ryan. i dk... both Mr U and lish have good points...
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Yeah, I am happy with him, he does good things too. Don't mean to just mention the bad. But I can't handle him snapping at me and being so rude with me. That is a huge factor in a relationship. I feel like I have no self respect anymore. I want things to work, thats why I want to sit down and talk with him, but he won't..so I always let it go, well not let it go, more like keep it bottled up inside..its not healthy..i need to let my emotions out to him.
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u sound alot like me n my girlfriend. shes alot like your boyfriend, and im more like you, given my background its understandable why it is im more the passive one. but some things that i can advise you that might work given his attitude.next time he yells at u, cut him off and say this, "excuse me, remember your talking to your girlfriend/fiancee (whichever u wanna say) and not one of your friends!" then if he doesnt hang up on u, and if he starts yelling again, juss cut him off again and say "look dont take your anger out on me just because your mad at something else, call me when your going to TALK to me, not YELL"whenever i get into my old bangin attitude, i treat my girlfriend the way that your boyfriend treats u, but that RARELY happens to me, (its happened about 5 times since weve been together (almost a year) but she always says something to the extent that i told you, and it's always put me in my place...a reason ur boyfriend is doing that, is because ur being to nice and gratious to him, if he wants ice cream, tell him for him to go buy it. only buy it for u if he tells you a good reason why he cant get it himself...now im not telling u to completely break urself off of him, but stand up a bit more for those petty things, it'll get his primitive side back into believing that you have alot of strength, and that your not his puppet.which is how he feels, whether or not he acts like it entirely, or tells u... thats prolly what he's feeling...
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Thanks so much for the input. I really HATE being so passive, and i'm going to start standing up for myself and telling him how it is. No beating around the bush. Hopefully that will straighten him out..who knows..wish me luck :smirk:
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good luck, i went through alot of the same situation, i had an ex who was so passive it was annoying, and i wouldnt be able to control myself and i would be rude to her the same way he is with u... when she finally stood up to her, she gained ALOT more respect from me.i think it would help ur relationship out alot if u made him respect u. good luck with that, and may fate and god be with u...
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Thank you so much. I am definitely going to be more firm in the future..I am not his door mat..
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A good friend of mine was engaged earlier in the year to her High School sweetheart. Recently he was being, well for lack of a better word. A woman. He would get upset when she had to work and couldn't be with him for a few hours. He would call at all hours of the night. When she tried to confront him about problems he would break down and cry. If she kept trying to talk he would lay on the floor. They had been dating for almost 3 years when they became engaged, and my god, you'd think he hit the jackpot. Then he stopped working on the relationship. Needless to say, things change over time, and over circumstance. It was a hard thing to do, but Tera dumped her fiance. Three years of a relationship, what happened wasn't worth being with any more. I recommend you think about it very deeply. It isn't just about weighing the good parts with the bad. It's about how you feel. If you found it annoying to the point you had to ask for advice about it, then it's of resounding importance to you, and your relationship. If talking to him won't fix it, then you need get out. Don't torture yourself.
