How to save a marriage

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OK. I'm running about 450 depending on what shoes I'm wearing, big boned, masterbate a lot, eat a lot (obviously) and my wife is at her mothers with the kids. She says I need real help (not the kind on the internet) but doesn't want marriage counseling because she doesn't think it's anything on her side. It might not be but i don't know how to stop this life style. It's out of control and all I want is my baby back. I miis my kids the most and that may be why I want my wife back. I tried to call them from a chinese food pay phone but I couldn't press the number '5' with out pushing two other numbers with it. I tried desperatly to find some kind of object to poke and pry but found nothing. On the ground was a half eaten sucker and the stick looked right to poke the numbers needed to dial. I tried to bend down to pick it up but I couldn't being a fat ass that I am. I wanted to hear my kids voices so bad I got down on my knees, (scraping one badly in the process) and couldn't find the sucker anymore. I was looking for it not wanting to stand up without it after all the work to bend down. So I was scrounging around in the dirt and some teenagers smoking from a pipe across the street were pointing and laughing. Why do these punks always laugh at me? I finally found it, (I had kicked it a couple of feet away) and picked it up. It was half eaten before tossed away and the end was hairy and dirty. The teenagers saw what I picked up and laughed even harder. "Forget them." I said. I can now make that phone call. But this created another problem: To firmly grasp the sucker to poke with it, I had to palm the dirty sticky end all on my hand. It wasn't a pleasant expierience and my wife's mom answered and I hung up before she was done greeting with a hello. I went in and grabbed my chinese food but because I was feeling so low at being laughed at while down on my hands and knees, I got one of those big bags filled with like 100 fortune cookies and ate them before I arrived home. But on the bright side I didn't eat all the chinese food until that night.

Maybe this is my problem?

Your wife is being charactered-disordered by blaming all of the problems on you. She should take some responsibility and go to marriage counscel. If she really wants to save the relationship she'll do it.

hmmm...so you cant dial a phone number,but you can type a huge ass paragraph on a keyboard? sorry but i dont buy it.

me niether.not just that he typed it,but the whole thing sounds rediculous.

The keys on a keyboard are further apart then on a phoneAlso he could be using the on screen keyboard and you use you mouse to type with thatAnd I really don't think anyone should jump to conclusions about this guyWhat if he is telling the truth and really wants some helpI hate the way some people jump on others in this forum because they think people are lying or are trollsJust because you can't imagine it dosen't mean that it's not realSorry I don't mean to step on toes but I just don't think that it's fair to attack people without a good reason

I second that, anything that sounds weird to them, the person is automatically a troll. I've watched!

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way

Exactly! Best damn thing I've heard for a while!

Hey that sounds like the Simpsons episode where Homer gained wieght to go on disability. He needed a special dialing wand so that he could use the phone because his fat fingers just mashed the nearbye buttons. That was a great show. Anyways if your for real then I appologize. But at 450lbs I doubt that your fingers are that fat. And picking up a sucker off the ground with dirt and hair on it was classic. If you read the post closely it sounds to wierd to be true. Maybe exagerating is the problem here. Eating will not fix the relationship but if you are a nice guy and good with the kids and they love you, then you are the winner not her. Weight alone should not determine the relationship, especially if you were heavy when you first met. Trying to lose wieght would help your self esteem though but may not bring your wife back. I kept my kids every time me and my ex split up because I was the better one for the job and will always be. My kids are my life and nothing can take them from me.

Finally a decent fucking reply on this site. It makes me feel a little better but I still have feelings for my wife and I just don't how to get her back because I know she's already seeing someone else. I've got the internet for a couple more days before it gets shut off. I can't afford it anymore and I have two months before I have to worry about losing the house.I don't understand why so many people automatically assume I'm not what I say but I also don't understand why everytime I hear people laugh, I feel they're laughing at me.Atleast I've met some good people like Helmsman and Chubby. They both helped as much as they could.