Sort of a continuation of my last post. Quick recap or additions: Dated a chick for a year and a half. Broke up. Spent half a year with no contact. She pops up on the scene and we hit it off really very well but never went out because we were testing eachother out. Things went south because I though she was leading me on after awhile so I broke it off. Told her we can't be together.Well over the last couple of days she has been texting me about how much she misses me and that despite our differences of fights I still have a strange hold over her. I asked her if she wanted to give it another shot and she said she didn't know. Thing is she has been saying that since we first got together again 3 months ago. Basically I told her she has two choices. A) We go our seperate ways for good. We both have some very strange connection to eachother. We've seen other people before and since our initial break up and we both feel we are very unique. That is why we can't be just friends. There is too much history and attraction. If she doesn't want to date me and stays around it will just stop me from eventually finding a real long term relationship because I will always be longing for her. I'll have to be alone and get over her before I can find someone else to move on with.B) We get together again. Maybe not necessarily dating right away. But just knowing that we want to date eachother and work towards that is all I need. I told her flat our 3 months ago that those were her options but she always said she couldn't make a decision. I told her today that I'm trying to be fair and that I think it's reasonable that a person should know after three months. I know it's wrong but I tried to make her make the decision tonight.She got really flustered. She says she wants to date me but she is scared of it failing. She is also tired of the fighting that has happened in the past. We used to argue a lot but I do honestly think we've changed enough in our own ways that it would not be as bad.So I told her I need an answer by the end of the week because I can't keep putting my life on hold for her. Is that wrong? Am I being an asshole? Any suggestions?
Is what I'm doing wrong?
Sounds like you are doing fine, but you really need to be prepared to hear and accept her answer when you get it. If you are leaving it up to her, are you willing to do that? Let her decision be the one that determines if you have a relationship or not?
Don't have her say 'yes' she wants a relationship and then decide you don't...
Well I know I would like to try it out one more time personally but I can't make her date me. So really it's been long enough now were I have to either move on or start something with her so I'm giving her the option because really it is hers to make at this point.
"Well I know I would like to try it out one more time personally but I can't make her date me."That sounds about right. In the military we called that "sh-t or get off the pot" and it appears you guys may have gotten to that point. Another thing you might try is asking how she feels about you casually going out with someone else while you wait for her decision. Remember here, I didn't say tell her you were going to do it; I said ASK HER HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT. It might help lead her out of her confusion on what to do.I always wonder when a woman has issues with a decision like this one. I don't pretend to understand women (and I have been married 27 years!), so it might help to get a woman's perspective on this as well...