Slightly Frustrated

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Ok so I posted a thread earlier about never being able to orgasm with my boyfriend. I had faked it occasionally because he was putting so much pressure on me to orgasm, and I felt very bad about not finishing. I told him and we talked it out. So we began trying different techniques to try and make me finish, he also backed off on putting pressure on me to orgasm, most of the techniques failed. But during oral he finally started doing some stuff that felt amazing, and I actually finished once. It took a long time but it was amazing. However when I used to fake an orgasm, he always seemed to pay more attention me and like try to pleasure me more, but he just wasn't doing anything right to make me finish. I figured once we found the one thing that actually makes me orgasm/finish that he would do it more often. Since he always wants me to finish etc. Except more recently he just kind of given up on finishing me or he just won't take the time to finish me. I have told him over AIM that like things I want to do as far as sex etc goes, and I will describe what I want. But when we actually get to start having sex, he doesn't do any of it. Usually we do a little bit of foreplay and just go right to sex, or it ends up being me focusing on him. Which is fine I enjoy sex a lot, it's amazing, however I will be honest I want to orgasm. Before when I couldn't orgasm/finish it was fine, I just accepted it. But now I've had a taste of what I could be feeling if that makes any sense. Maybe I'm just being silly, but I really just wish he would take the time to do something for me. I know it takes a while with oral, but that is the only way I can finish. He never even bothered to try and learn how to rub my clit correctly, and I tried to explain it to him, so oral is the only way. Keep in mind I do a lot for him, we'll have sex and I will give him handjobs etc all in one session etc, I definitely make sure to focus on him a lot. He just doesn't seem to take an interest in focusing on me. He did give me oral recently for about ten minutes and I was really close, but he just stopped and wanted to move to sex. I figured maybe he liked to finish first and then he'd do something for me. But once he reaches an orgasm he doesn't want to focus on me after. He tries not to show it, but I can tell, he's just generally tired after etc, prefers to cuddle. Monday I had sex with him and gave him a handjob twice, and I just wanted to get a little satisfaction too (maybe thats selfish), so he started doing oral. However he decided instead of actually working twards bringing me to an orgasm he decided to goof off and tease me and tickle my feet etc. Which is fine, I love his goofing off etc. Just not really during oral, I really just wanted to enjoy something. I told him this later too. However the next time we started doing sexual stuff which was yesterday he basically did the same thing he didn't try to focus on me. Where as I had sex with him and gave him a handjob. So basically does any one have any advice? I don't know how exactly to tell him, I have tried times before. He just doesn't seem to get it that I want him to just focus a little more on making me orgasm. He says he doesn't feel sex is as good any more (where as when I was faking it) because he doesn't think I enjoy it as much and wishes he could make me orgasm. I do enjoy it a lot, I just wish he'd realize it would be nice if he'd focus on me with oral or fingering. Because I don't finish from sex.

Please, next time have paragraphs; it makes it very hard to read without them!

I think you should be more direct with him IN PERSON (instead of over MSN)

Short of that; you could let him know how it feels (give him a blowjob...and stop JUST before he comes) If things go right, he should be confused and slightly angry; explain to him that this is how you feel when he neglects your sexual needs.

Lastly, I'm going to parade this book around for you to give to him; as it'll increase your sexual pleasure, and may even get you to come quicker (over and over again) during oral sex.
The book is "She Comes First - A thinking mans guide to pleasuring a woman" by Ian Kerner. He's a respected author in human sexuality, and his books are fun and easy to read. This one above goes for about $10-15.

Quid pro que; he also wrote a book "He comes next" incase you want to learn a few techniques to use on your BF (as a reward for learning, lol)

Originally Posted By: moonlight

I have told him over AIM that like things I want to do as far as sex etc goes, and I will describe what I want. But when we actually get to start having sex, he doesn't do any of it. Usually we do a little bit of foreplay and just go right to sex

First, do it in person. It's just so much better :).

Originally Posted By: moonlight

Monday I had sex with him and gave him a handjob twice, and I just wanted to get a little satisfaction too (maybe thats selfish), so he started doing oral.

That's not selfish at all.

As for telling him, just sit him down and explain. If he doesn't want to listen/understand and pleasure you after you've explained it to him, I would suggest being quiet about it until you give him a blowjob next, then do what Hawker suggested. A taste of his own medicine will do both you and him justly ^_^.

EDIT: And yes, paragraphs would be nice :P

If you ask me, it sounds like he's a bit embarrassed about not being able to pleasure you how you'd like.Every time you get upset about it, it sounds like it's making him upset too.As such, every time you get to doing stuff, he will try and avoid it so that he doesn't feel so bad about himself when he can't give you what you want.And it sounds to me like you don't actually tell him while you're at it, so he doesn't know if you're close or whatever.I'm guessing the times when he's been giving you oral and you've come close but not actually reached climax before he's switched, you didn't mention anything because you'd feel guilty/selfish.You have to tell him as he's doing it! If he tries to stop, let him know that you're having an amazing time and that he should keep going! If what I'm thinking is true, knowing that you're really enjoying yourself and are nearly there will give him the boost he needs to really finish the job off well. I know that would work for me!Give it a try

I think he is avoiding doing it, not because it takes a while (tho granted that could be something to do with it sometimes) but because hes scared of not being able to do it, almost like the other times were a fluke and hes not pushing it!I would have to say that until you either say "put a bit of work in it for me or I become as lazy as you are" or just learn to live with it, you will continue to feel as you do.

Sorry about no paragraphs! I have not complained ever about not orgasming, because he is very sensitive about it. I have always told him it was ok etc, and it was before I knew I could orgasm with him. I guess I just thought since we finally got it to work, which was what he seemed to be what he wanted for so long, that maybe we'd try it more often. The only time I said something somewhat negative was when he started goofing off during oral, simply because he was being really ornery (he listened to my stomach and told me I would be gassy later lol,along with other things. I mean yes he makes me laugh, but it didn't help keep me in the mood). I think I definitely am guilty of not communicating enough. I try to communicate and tell him what feels good etc, but I don't think I do it enough. And I definitely don't think I tell him to keep going enough. So I'll work on that, and you're probably right he probably does avoid it because he feels like he can't please me. So why bother trying. Also I had my wisdom teeth removed, so me performing oral for a while, isn't possible. My jaw is really sore. Thanks for all the replies!

Originally Posted By: ~AngelWitch~I think he is avoiding doing it, not because it takes a while (tho granted that could be something to do with it sometimes) but because hes scared of not being able to do it, almost like the other times were a fluke and hes not pushing it!I would have to say that until you either say "put a bit of work in it for me or I become as lazy as you are" or just learn to live with it, you will continue to feel as you do. That is probably true and he does not do oral very often. He was never really great at oral, when he first started doing it, I'd try to tell him what to do. But it just didn't work, however recently he really got the hang of it, and like it feels amazing. I told him it felt amazing too... I guess I will have to talk to him about all this. When I didn't have my teeth removed, I did oral quite a bit, not nessecarily bringing him to an orgasm off of oral, but I'd mix it in the with handjobs. I am not very good at bjs or something, and they just don't do a lot for him, he needs hj/bj combined. It takes him a long time to finish from a bj, and I haven't successfully gotten him off from one very many times. We are also almost always on a bed, when we do things, so it puts a lot of strain on my neck to give oral for long periods of time. However when my jaw gets better I plan on performing oral more. Thanks for your reply.

A lot of guys find it hard to come from a BJ or HJ and a good BJ is a combination of mouth, lips, tongue and hands, so you arn't doing anything wrong at all, lots of guys need the whole combined thing and even then don't cum from it no matter how nice it is.If i felt under pressure to do oral more often and make it the best ever, i think i would seriously go off it......sex and everything to do with it should be FUN

Have him read the book I recommended; regardless of his skill or patience, he will be able to please you in interesting and new ways.

I looked at the book on amazon and it looks really interesting. I definitely want him to read it.

i agree with hawker if he wont focus on you and please you even though you do so much to focus on him and please him then turn it around on him dont let him finish off when your hgiving him a handjob or somethign just stop and walk away in the middle of it turn on the tv and start watching a show something to make him feel what he makes you feel

Just say
Hello my namea borat
No sexy time for you
naughty naughty

Well currently I'm on my period, so I can't really get anything besides sex. Which mainly benefits him lol. However not too long ago, I tried talking to him and like demanded that he go down on me (in a sexy way lol, so not to annoy him etc) and he did. I finished, I was happy. But things went right back to the way they did before. I told him he was going to have to work for sex, by pleasing me, and he doesn't. He has sex with me, and I let him finish inside of me (which is rare - normally I make him pull out - it just makes me feel safer) and I gave him a handjob, and some oral (since my mouth is still kinda sore, I'm not doing anything to hard). And afterwards he told me he wouldn't go down on me because I had let him finish inside of me. That was understandable I guess, but I mean I do wash off afterwards. He's done this 3-4 times now, I've been letting him finish inside of me, and we end up having sex, and his excuse afterwards is that he finished inside of me. I know he means well, he likes to please me, and he tries. He just doesn't put the effort in to make me finish. He gets really anxious and would rather have sex first, which is fine. I am totally willing to have sex first, he just needs to remember me afterwards. I'm going to stop letting him finish inside of me, maybe that will solve it. So I don't know. We'll see what happens I guess.

It truely annoys me how men insist the only way to have a better relationship is with sex.What's even worse is when they pressure you to 'perform better'

After reading all this, I am sexually frustrated for you. lol. I am sorry, but if I had communicated my feelings about sex to my boyfriend and he gave me some BS line about not going down on me because he came in me....I would move on and find a new boyfriend.

Or, as I have said in the past....grab him by his hair and push your kitty in his face. :grin:

Well I'm not going to dump him, because I love him. But I think we need to have a talk lol.