Alright. I wrote these posts a while back... but I think it applies here too. I've altered some of it, and #3 is my newest finds on the subject.
I used to question things much like you're doing now. See, I used to be the nice guy that finished last. After a long time, I got fed up with it and ventured into theories. I said to myself, "all these girls seem to like jerks. I know a bunch of nice guys and they're all single. What's wrong with this picture? Maybe acting like a jerk will get me somewhere." Truth is, I don't have the heart to be a jerk like those guys. Life threw me its twists and turns, and I learned something in the process.
The problem with nice guys isn't that they're not a jerk. The problem with nice guys is most of them don't have balls. They're too concerned about saying the wrong things or having the wrong opinion. They make themselves super available to the girl they like in hopes that she'll come around.
Let's pinpoint some qualities an average jerk has. Most likely, he's going to have an opinion about something and he's not so afraid to share it. He's not concerned about being diplomatic with his words because he is who he is and if you don't like it then that's your problem. Asking a girl out isn't a big deal because if he can't get this girl to drop her pants then there's another girl around the corner for him to try to get with. He's not afraid to tease girls because he could care less about hurting them.
What makes girls attracted to the jerk then? He has an opinion and that can strike up all kinds of conversation. People don't want something that's always the same as them. He "appears" to be interesting. He doesn't freeze up when talking to a girl because he's going to say what he wants... He "appears" to have confidence. He's not afraid to make a move because if this girl is a no go then he can always try on the girl right around the corner... He "appears" to have confidence once again. He will tease a girl a lot without worrying, most of the time she will laugh and tease back or even better hint that she likes you... it "appears" that this guy is fun.
Interesting, confidence, fun.... Hmmmm. The girl starts to associate these feelings with him and pretty soon, viola! A jerk can show a sensitive side every so often and all of a sudden he's an idol in her eyes. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, if she got to know him better, he'll really just be a nice guy. Turns out... he's just another jerk.
So, the problem isn't that you're not a jerk. The problem with a jerk is he's a jerk! Lose your fear of not pleasing everyone. Don't worry that teasing will hurt a girl, she's not made of glass. Probably most of all, "appear" to have confidence.
Despite what most people say, I have to disagree. For the most part, do NOT be yourself... at first. The reason I say this is because when you first start out learning these things you must pretend to be something you're not. Pretend you're super confident and you can have any girl you want. Pretend that you're not afraid to displease everyone. Eventually, you will adopt some characteristics of what you pretend to be and then you won't be pretending anymore.
If she doesn't like me, then I accept it and move on. I like myself for who I am. If she doesn't like me for who I am, then she can go ahead and feel so. It doesn't make me less of a person that she doesn't like me.
If you're truly a nice guy, then your problem with girls is they don't take the time to get to know you "in that way". You must first let her know that she needs to think of you as someone she wants to have a relationship with before a friendship. The majority of younger girls seem like friendship before relationship does not work... but every person is different.
There was a long period of time that I constantly kept asking myself questions about why GIRLS liked guys "like that". The reason why I put girls in all caps is because a lot of WOMEN can see through the BS. So, through many social... experiments, for lack of a better word, I developed a new theory. I asked many questions. I got a lot of input from both sexes of different ages on the subject matter. Then, I applied what I found. Pretty soon, I was choosing which girl I wanted out of a few different girls that liked me and not the other way around. Some would say I was "playing" these girls, but hold on a second and hear me out. A few guys like one girl and she gets to choose which one she gets to be with. In my case, I was choosing the girl I wanted to be with. I don't see that as playing them.
It is very thought provoking. I've always been interested in social interaction.
When I started out, I had to let out all expectations and just started talking to every girl I knew. Cashier at the store, girl at the grocery store, girl at her locker, doesn't matter just start up conversation. Look at it as practice. It's always practice. You can't fail. Why not? Because you can't fail at practice. You only have something to gain.
A few tips for when you're talking to her in person.
Body Language : Keep a smile. Relax your shoulders and try to have a relaxed posture. Don't hunch over or cross your arms, things like that. Your goal is to make yourself seem relaxed and inviting. If you're hunched over, not smiling, or in some kind of defensive position then subconsciously they'll get the idea that they shouldn't approach. Humans often go against their instincts and she'll talk to you anyway, but if you're pleasing in many ways that makes it so much easier. If you're relaxed, she'll be more prone to being relaxed as well.
Touching : When you get a chance, innocently touch her. Put your hand on her arm, or lightly shove her away when playing around or just teasing. Nothing sexual. When you touch a girl, especially when she likes you, her brain releases all kinds of chemicals into the blood stream.
Talking : When you're in a conversation, don't be afraid to ask questions. If she says something like, "you sure do ask a lot of questions" you can easily retort with a smile and saying, "I just want to know more about you". If she tells you about an experience you had, try to associate yourself with it. Doing this will let her know that you understand. For example, maybe she talks about people walking slow in the hallway and how she's really just trying to get to class without being late. You can come back with a short story of your own about how people walking slow got you in trouble and then start joking around about what you should do to resolve the problem. Making her laugh is definitely a good thing, but if something is making her laugh don't try to repeat yourself too often. It gets old, but she'll still laugh because she laughed the first time. Move on from subject to subject you start to feel like it's getting old. If you start to think it, the odds of her thinking the same thing is pretty good.
Attitude : Playful, happy, easygoing. That's what seems to work best on the majority of females. I think I can leave it at that without clarifying.
I have found that one of the best ways to build confidence is to become happy with your self. Practice acceptance and be comfortable in your own skin. It is important to accept your self as it is in the current moment. When you have detached your self from the past and you accept your self in the present, then you can properly start taking steps forward.
If I am comfortable with who I am, do I need to fret over whether or not a girl will like what I say or not? Probably not. If I like myself, will I feel like I need to change for someone else? Probably not.
It is somewhat the same principles of what I was saying before... just a different perspective.