We've all heard the proverb or whatever that says you can never go home again, right? And recently I had someone wise (I think it was a therapist) tell me that the life quest of most adults is to do exactly that. So I'm sitting here trying to figure out if that's what I'm doing and if it's possible. I've been here in Mayberry for about 10 months now and it's just not working for me. And I find myself wondering if I've made a mistake. I moved down here for several reasons: 1)To be with family. I have a niece and nephew who's lives I want to be a big part of. I have parents who are getting older and I want to be nearby when they need me. That proximity has been a good thing in this respect as of late. 2)Financially. I can live much more cheaply down here than I could in Louisville. And with my gargantuan amount of debt, that's a good thing. 3)Pace of life. I just felt like I wanted to slow down and look at trees and be near a lake, and not be constantly surrounded by cars and concrete. 4)I just needed to put a little distance between myself and a couple of friends who were sapping all my energy.So I moved. And now I don't know. I like my job. It's a great fit and I think I'm doing good work. But other than that and my family, there's...nothing. I spent New Years Eve by myself, watched the Super Bowl by myself. That's my life. I still haven't seen "Letters From Iwo Jima" or "The Queen", which is inexcusable. When I visit and hang out with my Louisville friends, I realize how much of myself I have to suppress down here to keep from being perceived as a freakin wierdo. It's just not working out. No friends. Life is work and television. I even admitted to a friend in Louisville this past week that, if it wouldn't be so financially disastrous, I would consider moving back to Louisville. This was after she figured out that I'm frustrated and basically told me she thought I should move back.So all this is leading to a question. Have any of you experienced this kind of thing? Being away for years and then moving "back home"? Or anything similar. Another friend who moved from Louisville back to her own Mayberry a few years ago told me that the first year is the hardest and then it gets better. But all she really knows is her own experience, right?I would love to hear from anyone who has any kind of life experience that would speak to this frustration.
Can you REALLY go home?
I'm going through that right now. I had to move back home after I graduated and it's been "different." None of my friends are here. My "friends" from high school I don't even talk to anymore. I don't really have anything in common with them. I have a job here, and that's about the only thing that's keeping me here. Living with my family has been hell--we've had some fights break out.
As for me, the only way it would get better if I get my own place. I can't continue to live in my house--it's slowly killing me. I know it would be better if I get my own place, which I came to the conclusion that I will be doing within the next few months. I can't really give you any advice because I'm in the same predicament you are in. I guess you can try to save up some money, start paying off your debts, and try to (if you can afford it) move back to Louisville. That's what I'll be doing.
It did become easier for me when I got my house, if only slightly. I was able to reattain my precious independence!
It sounds like you kind of get it, though. I came back thinking I would reconnect with the folks I called my friends before. That has been a disappointing endeavor.
Was there ever a time when you thought you wanted to be back home? Or was it just a matter of not having any choice at the time?
Hang in there. I'm convinced, come hell and high water, it will get better for both of us!
Let me think about this, youreally cant, but its a long letter, Im not in the mood to type out right now, or even sure of what words to use to illistrate my points.lets just say you can never go home again, and I owe ya an explanation in the next few days. Maybe tonight, depends on how the rest of my day goes.
The short answer... No.I never really left for any great amount of time I was always around to work cattle, feed in the winter or at some tribal thing, school wasn't that far away anyhow. Even when I was gone I was generally back on the weekends but I think the cumulative effect was still the same as moving away and then coming back.What I've found is that old friendships that still work are the rare exception. I think it's just a function of the growth of people or, in some cases, the lack there of. Generally, all the people I knew from back when, that are still home, fall into one of two camps. They stopped growing years back when they either had kids or gave themselves over to alcohol. If they're drunks or tweekers, they stopped maturing about the time they started using, for most about 16. They can't speak about anything other than who's got some good shit, who's got busted and who's rollin' over on who. I can't listen to that shit very long. And, if they had kids they have completely given themselves over to living entirely vicariously through their kids. That is to say their world still hasn't expanded beyond Sunday school or some ball game or what's going on at the school or gossip about how many of the graduating class are pregnant. Those things are fine but they seem to be unable to interact with anyone beyond those limited high school mentality subjects, which for me provide little mental stimulation.(I realize how bad that sounds about the kids thing. So please don't flame me I don't mean it to imply kids are a bad thing nor do I mean it apply to all people with kids. It's a simple statement of what I have experienced in my life and nothing more.)I on the other hand have found a world of shit I want to explore. I like to argue about ideas and seek to understand things bigger than me. I like to go out and try new things and have different experiences. I want to live while I still have the breath to do it. I'm not writing these things with the intent of saying I'm better than they, not in the least. I'm just saying that I have grown into a different person than they have.Take something as simple as dancing. Something my wife and both love to do. We went out and learned all different kind of dances form international to ballroom to Latin (my favorite). We asked I don't know how many people to go to the city with us to go dancing, even god help me to a western bar. The response is always the same either their kids are in a ball game or they have to help set up for the school social or (I love this one) they're afraid of getting drunk in the city, as if that's what we asked them to do. They same answers apply to going to plays, museum openings, to a nice restaurant and a movie or anything... even gambling, if you can imagine.If they never get out and experience a little of the world and get over the fear of the unknown, I guess they would rather mushroom-up and vegetate away their lives. I don't mean that to apply to everyone "back home", just to a lot of the people that we grow up with that stay "back home".I guess the point of all this is that when you go home your more likely than not going to have to seek out new friends. Instead of the commonality of age and lack of experience being the binding agent of your friendships, which is what a lot of it was back in high school or a little while thereafter, your going to have meet new people that are going to share your interest. They make for better friends anyway. Go out in the community and find someone you know that would be interested in taking a class, or something, together. Start building a friendship were before only an acquaintanceship was. Then you can see if they want to go to the city for a little fun or as we, eventually, did take a trip together. They may be significantly older or they may be significantly younger. They point is it's new relationship in an old place. If the old friendships can't move forward, as disheartening as it sounds, they must die to become mere acquaintanceships. It's just the way life is or at least that's what I've found.
I was faced with the "move back home after graduation" situation. I went to school almost 9 hours away (it was the closest school I applied to.. I wanted to get away!)... I knew I would be moving back home after graduation. I plan to move to NYC in the next few years, but I don't currently have the financial stability to do that... So I knew I was going to have to live at home again in order to save up enough money (which is still going to take me another few years to give myself enough of a safety net financially, unfortunately).My situation is a little different though.. I'm not just living with my parents again.. my grandfather has been living w/ us since June b/c he couldn't afford to live where he was living anymore. That has created an entirely new dynamic in the house... One I'm not fond of. Things here are VERY strained.. and if my goal weren't to save up as much money as quickly as possible to move to NYC, I would get a place around here ASAP. But I do agree with something OldFolks said... though I won't be able to say it nearly as well... Just because you're back home (in your hometown or otherwise) doesn't mean that you have to try to reconnect w/ old friends from the past. The situation and the experience will be what you make it. Seek out new friends. I've finally started making new friends around here which makes being here a little less of my own personal hell. So, in short, I think you CAN "go home again".. you just can't expect things to be the same on the second go-around... nor should you want them to be.