Puzzled...

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I don't need advice on starting a relationship with a guy who is in the middle of divorce, and I don't need to be told that I should have considered it...I did, for months. I got to know him really well, and where HE stands.

The trouble is, he is sending mixed signals to his ex. Not directly, but he won't let his kids mom be homeless (something I found commendable until last night). So now shit is going south with her boyfriend (the one she left my guy for) and she is giving him the whole whiney act. He basically told her that he didn't want to hear her shit, because as long as her name is on the lease, she has a couch to sleep on.
I was TOTALLY aware of this when we met, and as our relationship has grown. I know, that she has a key to the house, and she comes there sometimes, for a shower, or to do laundry. Not a big deal, I actually wish she would be there to spend time with her son MORE (as she only spends MAYBE 2hrs a week with him, and that is usually just talking smack time)...Basically she abandoned both her son and her husband somewhere near six months ago.

Kicking her to the curb wasn't an option for a bit, because of finances, but now he is squarely on his own two feet he found a better job (that makes up for her missing income and then some)...

So, yesterday, she does the whiney...AND, informs him that she almost came there the night before to crawl in bed with him. She also asked him that since she had an affair, and now he has too, if he would consider getting back together...His response was HELL NO! Plus, I know he would have put her ass on the floor fast as lightning, but I guess, I am wondering, how much is it MY business?

Do I have the right, to push him to do something to get her gone? I mean, like COMPLETELY gone. Is it wrong to ask him to push his kids mother into a possible state of homelessness? Why, should she have "perks" that the rest of us don't have? I think, she needs the reality check in order to become a better person at least for her son.

I already confronted him, about how his kindness can be interpreted as "leaving the door cracked" for her to come back. He understands, I think...But maybe not, because I can't let it go.

Would it be wrong for me to confront her myself? I think it is his job to keep her at bay, but she's fucking with MY man now...

I don't feel like he wants to go back, but she feels like a threat...

So, another question: I have NEVER been jealous before, is it because I actally love, and connect with this guy so much that I finally feel it? or is there possibly a real threat this time? I already knew, and until NOW accepted that she was still poking around...I am feeling like it's time for an ultimatum.

If you put up with reading this, thanks. Advice will be nice...

Much like an anwer I owe damien about going home Im gonna havta owe ya one on this. Gotta think this one out. How long ya been together ? where is this going? are you two looking at somethign long term? you ever discuss that tis long term? what about that shit?planning on moving in together?do you spend time at his house?sleep overs?you tell me then Ill try to tell you.

Totally talking long term. Been a couple months of being serious. Yep, I sleep over, drop in when ever I want, all that stuff.We do talk about moving in together, I just have a "free" Pad right now and really don't want to go until I am moving into another house I own. BUT, we have discussed maybe just renting some place together come the end of next summer. Until his new job (longer hours) we were spending every weekend (still happening Friday after work, till Sunday night, maybe Monday morning) and one night a week at his place and one at mine. Now, its more at his during the week, and mine for the weekends.

If hes on board for the long term shit, then I think he totally needs to step up and do something about his ex. If yuor confronted by her I think you have the duty to say something to her, put her back in her place.
Id demand he do something.
He has the child, its not his kid hes putting out onthe street, its his ex wife. She started the cheating shit, he owes her nothing. If it were me Id put her ass outside and change the locks. I am sort of a prick though, or so I beentold by numerous people.

I agree that he needs to do something with her. I am more confused as to whether I should put it on the table like an ultimatum...She is too much of a puss to confront me, but I want to confront her!This is gonna be a test to see where he REALLY is with me I guess. Just let him know, that by allowing her around, no matter how understanding I am, that SHE WILL, be a wedge if he allows it?

Twere it I, Id put it out more as a choice, but like I said Im a prick, everyone tells me so. I demand loyalty and if there is a chance to prove it, I want that shit proved. When we were together at first, well nto at first but early on Julie moved to satisfy me because a few guys she had dated knew where she was and dropped by to try and talk to her. One of them had the misfortune to drop by while I was there. You can rest assured I confronted him, if confronted means broke his fucking arm and a few ribs.

ROTF! That is about what I am talking about! She DOES have the balz to swing in while I am there...SO FAR, I have been nice. Now she is pulling this shit.Thanks Chance, lol, your good re-assurance that I am on the right track. The jealousy thing is just SO new to me!!!

Post deleted by Grvtykllr

Oooh...I like your school of thought!and WOW, it might not be jealousy, its more of a "the bitch needs to grow some respect?" I wasn't worried over the girl at work hitting on him, she even called a few times, then figured out we were serious, then backed down. No biggie, he always let her know, I was with him. My head is just spinnin! I sure as hell hope I learn something useful from this!!!!

I really did try to wait. Hurumph!

We started out as friends, and then things just started to progress. Well, we let them progress, everything is going good except this one thing.

Like I said, hopefully I will learn something useful....

OMG, hun! I don't know how you have stopped yourself from punching this broad in the face. lol. You are a better woman than me. I agree with Chance on this one. I also would not give him an ultimatum.....yet. I would ask him to stand strong and do something about it. And if he doesn't want to do that, then I would give him an ultimatum.

Ha, Lis, I think the only thing that has stopped me is that I haven't seen her. I at LEAST don't think I could keep my mouth shut.

Anyway, we had a longer talk about it last night, he doesn't want to be an asshole, but he wholly gets it. This evening were drawing up paper work, and his dad's gonna serve her with the injunction this weekend. YAY! She will be gone, he will have a way to get her off the lease, and I think it will work with little confrontation for him.

I can't say I blame him, every fight they get into, she drags the kid into, (he is only 7) and definitely doesn't need it going down that way...but paper work is an easy way to get law enforcement involved before it escalates.

It may sound "pussy" but I DO like the softies, way too much abuse in my house in the past, and my kids still hide when they hear a man raise his voice.

You like the softies eh? and all this time I thought ya liked the hard ones.I deleted my other post as after thinking aboutit, I didnt do any trials on it. The cops shut shit up and it was ended based on witnesses and it being her home. No double jepordy there to protect my ass and what I wrote was a confession. Im slipping up in my old age, atleast I caught it before anyone who might know me and use it against me came stumbling acrost it

No getting you in trouble with confessions now!I prefer the soft ones, cause then I get to harden em up and make em soft again!I don't know why he is afraid of being an asshole, but it's good, means there is less of a chance of him being one to me!

WOO HOO!!! She is OFFICIALLY off the lease! His son was sick Monday, and yesterday. The stupid mom only stayed with him Monday, she didn't have to work, and refused to stay with her boy. She wasn't going to stay with him today either, if he was still sick. I am really surprised that she even took him to the Dr. on Monday!So when do I get to poke her in the eye!!!! I can barely wait 'till I am on scene full time and he won't need her for sick days, or minimum days.

That is great news! :smile:

What a fucking cunt, thats exactly the way my x is, Julie is much more of a mother to my kids than the original model has ever been. Shes run them to docs appointments and sat through clinics for the diabetic, taken care of them when they were sick and kept an eye onthem when they were home with out my supervision.
Iv done the smae for the 3 year old since he was 6 months old, he IS my son, Iv paid for him with emotion a well as cash.
Its not being the donor of the egg or the sperm that makes you a childs parent.

Nope, nor is it having perfectly plucked eyebrows...lol

She is going to be out of the loop soon I hope...I know that they never go away, but she won't be needed anymore...

I feel sorry for the kid though, he is still SO loyal to her.

Didn't really want to start a new thread for this...She is WHACKED! OMG! She took her name off the lease, rented an appartment with her boyfriend, and got the rest of her shit out of my man's place last night...She ACTUALLY took the boy voluntarily, then calls my man this morning and wants to know if she can move back in!!!What part of "no" don't people understand...The divorce is filed, just waiting on final date. Wouldn't that be a clue?Got his permission to jump her shit today. He is getting tired of it. He is just telling her to piss off at this point, but she still doesn't believe that he and I can REALLY be so close, and have such a good relationship.Her boyfriend was an affair, so she assumes I am too. UGH!! What gets to me, is that, I have NEVER been so worked up about another woman before!!

My divorce was filed and wasnt final for 2 years.hadta watch that video that Utah requires when children are involved, I was working shift work and thier schedule and mine didnt line up for about 2 months. She fought it every step fo the way as well, took several meetings with her attorney and mine that we mostly got up and walked out when she started throwing a shit fit and screaming and fuck you and Ill fucking kill you and your a bastard and boo fucking hoo.she refused to sign the papers for a judge to make ti final and it ended up going to a judge for several hearings. 2 years of fucking fighting to get the papers signed. Your mans x can drag it out for a bit, dont count ona final divorce being handed out soon, just hope for it.