Disciplining Children

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There seems to be a consensus here, but I am wondering what a larger "poll" will think.My boyfriend is not a spanker, nor am I really. We swat 'em on the butt occasionally if that is the only tool we have available at the time. I learned last year (from a foster mom, and a teacher) how to employ work, as a form of discipline. Essentially, a kid screws up, and gets assigned a chore. They get NOTHING, until the chore is done. They get meals, and to use the bathroom, but they don't get any extras, like tv, radio, desert, and so on. IF, they don't do the chore, and think they are gonna get out of it by going to school, we contact the school, get their school work, and they stay "on the job site" until the task is completed. Works well on my daughter,(though not as well as other kids, she is very narcissistic) and I have seen it work with 6 other kids in the last year. With the other kids, they got in trouble here on the ranch, and their moms basically just left em to their chore while they went back to work after the initial day. The kids, are being good for their moms, and only one has misbehaved out here to the point of receiving a chore since. (They regularly visit on weekends).I will explain what is up, and why I am asking when I get some responses to this concept. We have a HUGE naysayer in our mist...Chores are a result of hitting, property destruction, doing something that they can be seriously hurt by (like climbing the hay stacks, or picking at a rattlesnake) or repeatedly having to tell a kid to do something. Chores are more, or less difficult, depending on the offense.So, what do you guys think? Seem reasonable?

my dad loves giving chores.......
back when we lived on the coast i did some.. well i shouldn't have. and he was thinking of a chore to make me do. i already have to shovel shit and clean out water buckets (i get paid to do it..i guess some say it's allowence but they pay me the same thing they would have to paay a stable boy..so..yea) So i forgot who it was that came up with the idea of cutting grass and my dad quickly said no. why.. well i like cutting the grass. well i did end up cutting the front yeard........with a push mower. i hated it!
i can;t remeber wut i had done but i rember he told me to get started on the stalls and he left and when he came back he had a push mower... he whent and borrowed my uncles push mower.
ok so for peopel thinking that's nothing and i have to cut grass with a push mower.......... u haven't seen our front yeard. lol I usually cut it with the bushhogger.. at least our front yeard now isn't as big.

yea... my parents do the punshiment chores thing but they also ground. take things away or don't let u go someplace. yes we have got our asses spanked when we were small. oh man the worst spanking i ever got was in a parking lot. i wipped it out and was pissing in the parking lot. my dad grabbed me and started spankign me from the spot i was pissing at to the truck. well i have never pissed in a prking lot since or a public place either.. i was probly around 3. he was pissed.

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like climbing the hay stackswe got busted doing that when i was younger. my dad yelled at us for i dk how long. i never climbed in the hay again either. i swear i'm more scared of his words than his hands...

My mom always has people over here. There is two ladies out side having coaching now... well she has a lot of kids and young teens and it's only happened but once but one mom has asked mom if her daughter could clean out some stalls for a punishment instead of having her riding lesson. ..mom still got paid as if the girl had got her lesson but the girl had to shovel shit. Yay! For me that meant I had less stalls to clean lol

Yeah, the kids help with everyday stuff, but what I am talking about is stuff they normally wouldn't have to do, like pulling weeds, digging ditches, raking the yard (beyond the regular yard), picking up nails that work out of the ground, hauling old hay to the pile, or hauling brush....Not, doing dishes, and picking up after themselves.

I think it is very reasonable. I don't know about missing school and all, but everything else seems like a great thing to do. I do something similar with my kids. Although, I kinda wish we had an old hay pile for him to haul....I don't think he would ever misbehave again. lol

Well, I am in a blesses situation when it comes to school, one of the gals here used to be a full time teacher at the school my kids attend, she still OCCASIONALLY subs...but she can teach them...They just miss out on the social aspects of school.

I had to do chores *anyway*. That wouldn't have worked in my home because chores, no matter how bad or disgusting, we were expected to do them, and got punished if we didn't.

Sounds good, although I wouldn't let this interfere with school.

I think its a great idea and one i use to an extent at home, once my eldest son lied to me, bare faced lies i was soo angry, i made him clean up after the dogs (had two german shepherds at the time) for a week, he HATED it and often felt sick etc, he never lied like that again!

see that just doesn't even make sense to me at all. I've had and still have chores whether I'm good or bad. When I was younger, not anymore thank God, if I was bad yes I would get beat. and my butt would be sore for days lol. Nowadays I just get slapped or better yet, warnings. but I've been a good girl. But I feel like chores don't do anything. I have them either way. You can't add more chores to my list if I'm doing all of them. But for those kids I think it's a good idea.

To ralesk, we also have full support of the school, because a kid in trouble at home will act up at school where they think they can get away with it. School work comes home and has to be completed before they return...To Angel...It works pretty well huh?!!

I live on a 350 acre ranch. There is ALWAYS an "extra" chore to do.My kids have their daily chores, like dishes, putting away their own laundry, setting and clearing the table, feeding the dog and the cats. I am talking about chores that someone else would have normally done, like angel did with the dog poo scooping.

Yea but that's the thing, a lot of kids are already made to the those as well. dishes and laundry weren't even called chores lol, work, no matter what it was, was expected to be done by us.

I am in a very lucky situation I think. There is always a broken pipe somewhere, a downed fence, a ditch to dig for a project, there are 4 homes on the ranch, all with gardens, and yards. There are barns, and stalls, hay, and hay fields. There are dogs at every house, sidewalks to sweep, leaves to rake, trash to haul, and so on and so forth. Maintenence of our own home, is everyones job. BUT it is HORRIBLE to send them off to one of the neighbors to scoop poop for the neighbors dog, or pull weeds in the neighbors yard.It isn't always just stuff around our house. I don't own the horses, or the hay.,,I am just a renter here. Trust this, my kids do plenty, and I have faith that they will make awesome adults.

now that would suck to do someone else's work :P

Ok, yeah, I know I keep double posting....lol

Anyway, I ask, because it has to do with my man's ex. She only has the kiddo, once or twice a week, for the evening until she takes him to school the next morning.(aproximatly 3 hrs of awake time each visit)

The boy got into trouble last week at school for hitting a girl. Got suspended from school. And was supposed to return Tuesday this week. WELL, he decided to box with my daughter. Both kids got to pick weeds. They are 2 years apart. My daughter got her job done by the end of the afternoon Monday(the day of the boxing match). The boy, is STILL working on it. He is on independant study (with the blessing of the school).

The Mother, who doesn't seem to give a real rats ass, is just going nuts, because her visit day got changed, until he gets this job done. She took a BS story to the school, (which I doubt they believe) and thinks she can "come rescue" him...and be the Disney land mommy.

I just wanted the re-assurance, and may even print this thread out to share with her....

The track this boy is/was on, is gonna land him in juvy and she can't see it. Abuse is NOT tolerated in school...but then again she was stupid enough to put his meds in his backpack, and CA law, says its a no no, poor kid could have been suspended for the rest of the year for drug possession, just to teach the parents.....

Does the boy maybe need to see a counselor? hitting girls in school... is kind of showing he has some problems and is trying to lash out a bit. I think the chore thing is great, and maybe someone he can talk to.

We are working on the counseling thing for him. He was in it for a while, then the school (not the one my girls are in) dropped it with out warning. SOOOO.....This is NOT a single strategy plan. I am just being attacked for being "evil" and a slave driver...Which I am FAR from.LOL, I just spent most of the day doing his home work with him, and writing stories for him to read, so he gets the practice...HE IS LOVING IT! (though, he still gets to go down to pull weeds when it cools off)

word. everyday when I come home from school, before I do my homework I wash the dishes, vacuum the living room and dining room, put the laundry in, and make food for my brother. every single day of my life for 6 years.

I did all that too. Oldest of four though..I have to admit, I am actually MUCH easier than my parents were. I couldn't deal, so I moved out at 16, I do not want that from my kids, but I still want them to know accountability, responsibility and some self pride.Also, the ages I AM dealing with are, 7, 10, and 14...14 has the most responsibility.

Originally Posted By: PepsiChaserTo Angel...It works pretty well huh?!! It really does and it also means i don't have to do it YAY HAHA!!My kids all do chores around the house in general, dishwasher, hoovering, bedrooms, etc etc, but for punishment i give em extra stuff, like the poo scooping, painting the fence, washing the wooden floors etc etc