Ok.. I guess I have two issues.. One.. I have finally acknowledged a friend ultimately wants nothing more to do with me. Those of you who know about the agoraphobia issue. I have kinda realised recently that she isn't coming back to even be a friend.. She wants nothing to do with me. So I will pray she does well in life and put her behind me.
Even still friday on the way to the movies.. She crossed my mind on the first time we tried to do something.. when we tried to go to the movies.. I felt uneasy in my stomach. And every so often I just sorta feel myself "pull" towards her.. I can't completely rid myself of thoughts of her... It really doesn't help that I never get out much.. Once college starts up I will just try for another girl. Simple as that.. and get out more... make more friends and do more stuff.... Still I hate that people leave their imprints on me..
Next.. last night.. I had a really wierd dream. It involved a random friend sneaking into my house.. and lying in bed next to me.. It was wierd because I held her with my armys around her in bed and she burried her head in my shoulder and the bed. It was wierd because she got between me and the wall. This is not the girl I dated. I have never dated this girl. Infact I don't see her that often.I can't say I like her.. and I can't say I would even consider having a relationship with her.. My friend said "i have slept with a ton of guys.. not sexually but, just in the same bed.. " talking about some of her friends.. but, its weird because I'm not the kinda person who lets anyone in my bed or sleeps next to anyone.. I would only consider getting that close to a girlfriend or something of that nature.. Don't guess you guys can make anything out of it?
ALso.. I should probably point out I"m not really depressed at the moment I'ma ctually quite happy xD. Just.. wierd occurences and thoughts over the last day or two.