Is there any general way to distinguish if a problem is general "teen angst" verse actual problems when dealing with parents?I must admit right now I detest my parents. I can't stand them. Infact.. the only reason why I live at home is because I know that they are paying for college... (I hate myself for it but, I plan on letting them pay for it all and then severing contact as much as possible).As I get older I look back on stuff they did that has always angered me.. However, now I feel its more wrong. I've always been obediant more so then I should. I've never done drugs, never had sex. For a large majority of the time it was because they told me to. Meh. I just feel a certain resentment to my parents.One of my friends finds it strange (or she use to) because she has such a great relationship with her parents. The more I talk to her the more sense it seems to make to her why I dislike them. Its kinda ironic my mom may not know it but, I detest her.. she is such a self centered greedy bitch. My father can't hold a civil discussion with us to save his life. They both have 3 modes. Semi reasonable. drunk. And Times when they haven't drank but, they seem high on something where they are unreasonable and well flat out assholes.(even though they don't do drugs)I dunno I just wonder if its teen angst or if there is enough valid reason behind it. I mean I seem to remember millions of things they have done but, then I can't remember excately what. Things I do remember if I bring up they seem to shoot it down like it never happened "the past is the past" or some bullshit like that.I do admit I dwell on things but, I really think my mom at one point in time was concerned with looking like a good parent. then actually being a good parent. Now.. I really just want nothing to do with them.I hate myself enough for not being able to break away and pay for college on my own. I know I could get a job and take out loans. However, I don't know.I'm not the brightest crayon in the box But,I know when someone is paying for your college you are that much better off.I have no real desire to "reconcile" with them infact I don't think they realise I even detest them. However, I would like your thoughts on ways to determine whether its teen angst or if I have legit reason to be angry. I personally feel like they are clueless morons that equate to a clusterfuck of dirt, greese and elements and nothing more. (all of which are basic elements to the body)I dunno. I know its not easy to be a parent much less of 3 kids. however, if you have kids then they are your responsibility. I just find it wierd my friend has a great relationship with her parents... and for a long time wondered why I detest mine. Now as time goes on she seems to agree with me more and more that I have reasons to not like them.I could rant for hours about how I detest them.. however, it could easily be written off as "teen angst". So. How do you seperate teen angst from legit reasons to be angry. Any time I bring up a legit reason I have a good idea they shoot it down for some reason (even if the reason is a lack of reason itself). I have actually been told "oh your logic is twisted" and they couldn't really argue it anymore. I dunno. I just can't stand em.... the only thing making it worth staying home is the college money.
In society, and especially in the US culture, it is often considered that you have a duty, not only to honour your parents, but to love them.But, although being a parent is very difficult and involves many sacrifices, it is a state that has no entrance requirements. Anyone can become a parent, and some people who do so, really shouldn't have. Some parents just aren't good at the job, or fit for it.My own parents had children, I think, because it was expected that that's what you did. But they had little concept of their children as separate human beings. They did what was necessary to be seen as a proper parent, but there was no warmth or respect. My main memory is of being told repeatedly how much I was costing them (which was in fact very little, as I lived very frugally, and there were no school or university fees). They told me that when I was a parent myself I would understand and take a different view, but now that I am a parent myself I don't take a different view at all, but understand more clearly how little actual parenting they did.I suspect that is going to be the main way to tell if what you are feeling now is teenage angst or a fair judgement - wait until you are older and well away from them and at enough distance to take a fair view.
Quote:My own parents had children, I think, because it was expected that that's what you did. But they had little concept of their children as separate human beings. They did what was necessary to be seen as a proper parent, but there was no warmth or respect. My main memory is of being told repeatedly how much I was costing them (which was in fact very little, as I lived very frugally, and there were no school or university fees). They told me that when I was a parent myself I would understand and take a different view, but now that I am a parent myself I don't take a different view at all, but understand more clearly how little actual parenting they did.I suspect that is going to be the main way to tell if what you are feeling now is teenage angst or a fair judgement - wait until you are older and well away from them and at enough distance to take a fair view. Heh. I think I can kinda relate. I have been told flat out before "how do you think I look as a parent when you do that!""don't do that they think I didn't teach you anything"They have also said "when your a parent you going to understand how hard it is". However, I really and truely believe that the whole "its not easy to be a parent" is becoming more and more of an excuse in today's society.I dunno. I hate to say this because I'm going to sound so emo. (Yes.. upper middleclass complaining snob I am). However, I have never been deprived of material wealth. However, I really feel they think its more important to look like good parents then to actually be good parents. And really this is one of a number of reasons I have no intention of having a kid of my own.
Some people get lucky, others dont. I'd suggest talking to them, but if you're already in collage its to late to change them, i think this isn't angst cause thats temporary and dosnt happen all the time, its a real problem. Sorry for you.
I was very much raised by my mum, my dad spent most of the time workign abroad (10 days in 14) and the time he was off he was tired and agitated and up until the age of 17 or so i never really socialised with him.
I am a real mummys boy and im proud of that, i think highly of my mum and spend a lot of time with her. My dad on the other hand is difficult, self absorbed and dont really communicate well with him, at times its almost like he goes out of his way to be a complete arse and other times he is ok.
I am a forgiving person so i deal with him but at times he really pushes me. I still live at home and since hes now only back on the weekend i can live with his crap but i do know what you mean when u just dont click with a parent.
Im 22 and accept this is how i view my dad and i arent and dont wish to become like him, hes a dickhead, i make the effort, he doesent, im wasting my time on him.
Id say that it may be a teenage thing ur going through, everyone has times they dont get along with their parents, living in close proximity with others can get tiresome at times. Going off to college may make you look differently at your parents. Id say hold on for now, it cant be alll bad. Once uve finished college if u dont get on with your folks, move on.