Yup, Im bored.

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I ended up in what I found to be a frustrating conversation yesterday with a friend.Recently I decided to take my oldest kids dad back to court for a change in child support. I agreed to a MUCH lower than "guideline" amount about 6 years ago. Well, she is in high school now, and I am forking out a fortune for her clothes, supplies, feul to get her to Volleyball. She is just generally more expensive, between periods, bras, deoderant, all that stuff that she didn't require just a few years ago.So, I kinda figured he could start helping out. I found out that he makes 4x the income now, than he did then, so doubling it wouldn't be so bad.Anyway, the argument that was raised by my friend was, that if that is all he thinks his kid is worth, let it be. He should just kick in. But he doesn't. (He is the one I was complaining about in the "My babies daddy" thread.)What does everyone think?Should a missing parent be allowed to do the minimum? or should they have to at least pay the bucks if they don't wanna raise the kids?

I'm bored too. Personally, I don't think one has anything to do with the other. Just because he's emotionally absent doesn't mean he should be able to get out of the economic responsibility.

Do you think that kids even care about the economics? I don't agree that kids should know the dollars and cents of it all, but lots of parents share it all. At that point do you think that the kid is going to feel more devalued if money isn't even coming in?

I don't really know. My father was wealthy and for the longest time only paid $220 a month in child support. I knew what he paid but even in bad times it didn't make much difference because mom encouraged my relationship with him and in general he and I had a good relationship. I understood everything going on, I think, but it was more like he and I didn't see eye to eye on this issue than it meant he didn't value me.I think kids care about the economics as it affects them but, for me, it never had any real relevance to my relationship with my father. I think he should have done more but as an adult I understand he just couldn't handle his new wife and her demands and he just did the best he could and took the path of least resistance.Aren't I just a bundle of help. I'm having a little trouble answering this because it's a little to close to home. In short I don't think the kid will feel devalued but I do think they care about the economics.

It's just for discussions sake. No help needed here..lolI got my own opinion and I won't be swayed, as far as I can tell.As an adult who's father was out of the picture during childhood, and who's father didn't pay support, I am ok with it. Now that I know the story anyway.I think absent parents should pay support, I also think that the custodial parent should shut up about the finances a bit, and just do the best they can for the kids with what they have...

Hey girl, What an explosive topic. Being a parent with teenagers, I honestly feel your pain. Things have changed since I was in high school. Rather than fun raise or the school pay for it, they turn to the parents for the money. I think this to be extremely poor because there are so many single parents that are struggling just to keep it all together There is so much peer pressure on the kids these day in school just to keep up with the trend setters and “Cool and popular “ kids. A good example of this is… I have a son who won’t wear anything unless it’s ONLY from American Eagle or Abercrombie & Fitch because he thinks kids won’t like him or except him unless he’s wearing big brand names. When I was unemployed and things were really tight, I bought his soccer shoes from Wal-mart. He hated them and he chose to play in the old ones. I took them back and bought something else for the house that we needed.Now that I have gone off the subject, I’ll tie it together. My personal opinion is Kids are expensive, especially the older they get. The schools put a lot of responsibility back on the parents to purchase all of these things such as everything needed for your child’s high school graduation...Nobody can tell you if you should seek more child support than you. Your friends don’t know what it is like dealing with your ex-partner on financial matters and how ugly it can turn and how quickly conversations can go a rye. These matters are between you and your ex. NOT friends and new partners. If you feel the extra amount is needed to raise your children properly, then I suggest you go to the meeting prepared to show the judge or arbitrator what you’ve spent in the past, how much things cost and what you still needs or would like to provide or purchased so your child doesn’t feel it.I hope I didn’t climb onto the soapbox too much. It’s a sore subject in this household… Good luck and let me know how you weathered....

Originally Posted By: PepsiChaserShould a missing parent be allowed to do the minimum? or should they have to at least pay the bucks if they don't wanna raise the kids?PFFFFT they should pay up! lol Seriously though, if you helped bring the baby into the world you should have the responsibility of helping support that child not just leave all the work and labor that one parent. That's so messed up. Dirty, grimy, and WUDE!

I don't leave it up to the friends. I am going, this Thursday in fact. Dude can help, I am getting ready to take on a full time job, and have worked all of the years I have had the kiddo...Not always full time, and not always "paying" but I don't feel a bit sorry for the guy. I know what it is to go to work, and I know what it is to raise children. Personally I think it is TONS easier to just work and not deal...AND pay a bill just like it were rent.It is tough. The Volleyball coach just told us that she wants all the girls in ankle braces for the games, and they are $90 a pair!! I swear...Anyone ever heard of Vet Wrap?!?! Wouldn't spend 90 on that!!Love your input Roc, it's valuable. In Ca though, I don't have to prove jack. Just what amount of time I have the kiddo, and her age, my income, and his income. The state sets the amount. UNLESS I agree to let him pay less. Pretty cool to me.My man doesn't seek support for his son. He just manned up and is doing it. Though, if he really needed it, I believe he would make the mother help out. I think we will do fine though finishing out raising these kiddo's with what we have going now.

LOL!I agree! Even more so, if they want to tell you how your supposed to be doing it! I am pretty ok with the littlest ones dad not paying, he is TOTALLY off the map. No talking, no seeing, no contact. In that case, it is somewhat worth the trade off. (Though, since I get state help with medical services, the state has an open support case against him so he is racking up a pretty big bill that he will owe me forever at this rate)

In that case I'd send the Mafia over to go make sure he pays it up lol.