A couple questions

---

Why is it that when things are starting to get better, something always comes along to make it worse?Why do some people suffer from depression, and some don't?How come, no matter what I do, no one really appreciates what I do? And why do I keep doing things, knowing no one is going to care (unless I don't do it, then they care all of a sudden)?Why do I even get up every day? Just so I can go to work and be un-appreciated for anything I do?What if I just disappeared off the face of the earth? Would anyone truly care? Or would people just be mad at me (for not showing up to work, for example)?Those are just a couple of questions I would love to have the answer too... I was gonig to add more to the post, but I have to go now... I'll add more later

Mm.. :T I'm sad to hear that your life seems like that. I know there's nothing I can really do, but I can try to answer your questions, (hopefully without any throat-jumping)Okay, so I think everything that happens to anyone has a good side and a bad side. Sometimes, the bad side just seems to be more obvious and people have to search harder for the good they can make out of something.Some people suffer from depression and some don't because individuals are relatively different in vulnerability to depression, as well as some people haven't experienced anything to cause depression.You probably are appreciated, but just to a scale where people take it for granted. But you do provide great insights on this board that I appreciate because they get me thinking, and people would care to see you gone, even if they weren't close to you.I'm sure some people would care, wouldn't they? I don't know your life, so I can't assume much for you; I think I'm actually pushing the bar just by replying to this. I don't think people would be mad at you, though. Any death is a death worth crying for. :T

Originally Posted By: StillSearching

Why is it that when things are starting to get better, something always comes along to make it worse?

Why do some people suffer from depression, and some don't?

How come, no matter what I do, no one really appreciates what I do? And why do I keep doing things, knowing no one is going to care (unless I don't do it, then they care all of a sudden)?

Why do I even get up every day? Just so I can go to work and be un-appreciated for anything I do?

What if I just disappeared off the face of the earth? Would anyone truly care? Or would people just be mad at me (for not showing up to work, for example)?

I ask myself these exact same questions every single day. Some days I don't need answers to them, and those are good days. Every day this past week though, I can only come up with negative answers.

Why is it that when things are starting to get better, something always comes along to make it worse?

• Because we are good people. The good seem to be punished for being "weak" in my experience.

Why do some people suffer from depression, and some don't?

• Everyone, EVERYONE, experiences crap stuff happening to them. The difference is that some people don't care, or don't let it get to them.

How come, no matter what I do, no one really appreciates what I do? And why do I keep doing things, knowing no one is going to care (unless I don't do it, then they care all of a sudden)?

• I hear that. I often wonder what the point of doing anything that I do is.

Why do I even get up every day? Just so I can go to work and be un-appreciated for anything I do?

• Because "life is a gift" and we mustn't squander it. Though I know that to you and me, that sounds like a load of crap.

What if I just disappeared off the face of the earth? Would anyone truly care? Or would people just be mad at me (for not showing up to work, for example)?

• This is the ultimate question, and the one I have the biggest trouble coming up with a positive answer for. Have you ever heard the term "schadenfreude"? Look it up - I'm pretty sure that's the reason why I exist.

When I tried to commit suicide 4 or so years ago, 2 things stopped me from doing it:

1. My mother - she would have been distraught, and I couldn't put her through it.
2. A couple of friends stopped me from doing it.

However, in those 4 years, my mother has died, and most of my friends I don't see anymore.
It's becoming more and more difficult for me to justify my existence, and with the past week that's gone by - any happiness that I had managed to cling on to has been totally wiped out.

I hate my job, I have very few friends, none of whom I ever see frequently. I hate my body, my personality and all the work I put into life reaps no rewards.

I worked so hard in life to try and build for a better future. I went to university, and despite going through bereavement from my mother's death, still managed to come out of the end with a pretty damned good degree - and what's it landed me? A pretty poorly paying job that I totally hate and cry every night about going to. Any good thing that happens to me is cancelled out by something truly horrible happening to me.

I can never say my life is boring though, and I guess the only reason I decide to carry on is out of morbid curiosity as to what will happen next. Does that count as sado-masochism?

Quote:

Why is it that when things are starting to get better, something always comes along to make it worse?
I think it's because in this broken world there is good and bad. Bad things will happen, and they don't alternate with the good. Sometimes bad comes upon bad, and then it hurts so much more - a blow upon a bleeding bruise.

With enough good, you can start to build up a bit of savings, both literally and mentally, that help withstand the bad. But when you have nothing, it hits so much harder.

Quote:

Why do some people suffer from depression, and some don't?
There seem to be genetic factors. But of course some people have more bad things happen to them at particular times than others, too.

Quote:

How come, no matter what I do, no one really appreciates what I do? And why do I keep doing things, knowing no one is going to care (unless I don't do it, then they care all of a sudden)?
Unfortunately, people are much quicker to condemn than to praise, and they see bad much more easily than they see good. But some people do appreciate it, I'm sure, even if their appreciation is never spoken, and only felt in the depths of their minds. People come in hungry and leave satisfied - that means a great deal.

Quote:

Why do I even get up every day? Just so I can go to work and be un-appreciated for anything I do?
You get up because you know it's right, even if there is no reward, and it is good that you do.

Quote:

What if I just disappeared off the face of the earth? Would anyone truly care? Or would people just be mad at me (for not showing up to work, for example)?
I know that I would be the poorer.

Have you ever heard the term "schadenfreude"? Look it up - I'm pretty sure that's the reason why I existIt's a german word, and I know german, so I don't need to look it up.> with a pretty damned good degree - and what's it landed me? A pretty poorly paying job that I totally hate and cry every night about going toThat's one of very many reasons why I don't believe in the idea of college> I guess the only reason I decide to carry on is out of morbid curiosity as to what will happen nextI can understand that reasoning. And I don't know what sado-masochism is, sorry> It's all about how deep it is imbedded, adn how one deals with it, through their self talkSo basically I'm stuck in an endless loop. Great.> People DO appreciate what you do!Like who? If you're talking about my managers, they truly don't, not even deep down. I can tell, I've dealt with these people for a year now, I know how to read them.> and are expecting (dysfunctional people) to giuve you kudosNo, I don't expect anyone to come up to me and say "Thanks for doing what you do" (though I wouldn't mind that). It's more that (for example) I open the store and keep everything running for a few weekends while they are out of town, and when they come back they bitch at everything I didn't do. > If you disappeared from the face of the Earth, a lot of people would care, a lot of people would cryI wish I could say that was true. I think that's just something you tell to some random person here to give him hope, but you and I both know this isn't the case for me.> The people at work, for the most part, don't fall in to this catagory.Exactly. That leaves nobody. I don't see anything but work these days.> I would care. I would miss you.Either because then you'd have no one to put restrictions on or because you would miss my shitty posts?

Have you thought of going to sea? Well right now I'm busy working 12+ hour days just trying to survive... I'm trying to work on something so I can work enough to survive and still have time to do other things.One thing I know I like is hiking in the mountains, and I'm sure there are some mountains here in North Carolina somewhere...I remember one day (a few weeks ago) I had a few hours to kill, so I went to this small nature park that's near Job #1. I just went there and walked around to see what was there... that was kinda cool.