Help me understand what I did wrong...

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Me again...sigh...Recently I met a girl on an online dating site (she messaged me first) and so we started talking and then texting. In just over a week we had each sent about 400 texts to each other, which is pretty impressive for me who has sent that many in just under a year!Anyway we arranged a date for Friday evening to a local but swanky bar. About an hour before we were due to meet she cancelled because her work had not paid her when she was expecting and so was in a bad mood.I figured it was weird seeing as sitting at home would be the last thing I'd wanna do if I was in a bad mood, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.So we rescheduled for Sunday afternoon where I took her to a mexican restaurant as she'd never tried mexican before. All she did was moan about the menu and she never asked me a single question. I was pretty much single-handedly covering the conversation. Before the date she'd asked if she could come back to my place after to watch a film, so I spent the whole day tidying my house and myself up to impress her, and at the end of the meal she just left without even saying thank you.Her reason for dashing off was that she didn't want to be up late as she had work the next day - though it was only 7:30pm and a film would have meant she'd be home by 10pm - yet she was texting me til gone midnight!I assumed she didn't like the date, and wanted to get out, but turns out she says she did enjoy it, and we arranged for her to come over Wednesday (tomorrow) to watch that film.In the time we've been talking, she has been quite clingy. The best example I can give was last Thursday when I went out for a meal with friends. In the 20 minutes it took me to get from my house, to a seat in the restaurant, she had sent me 3 texts and tried calling me twice!The texts were along the lines of:"What are you up to?""Are you ignoring me?""Guess you're ignoring me then"And then the 2 phone calls - all of which I couldn't answer as I was driving!Last night we were talking as normal, and after I replied to one of her messages, I didn't get a response back. After about an hour I get another one from her saying "Why are you ignoring me?" to which I replied saying that I wasn't and that I was waiting for her reply, and admittedly foolishly asked if she was annoyed with me.She went quiet then, which she attributes to falling asleep. Then this morning at 6:45am (2 hours before I get up!) she texts me asking "Why were you so paranoid last night?" without any of the regular affection she usually gives.I explained that the combination of her sending her angry-sounding message accompanied by her going quiet seemed like she was annoyed with me.She said she was being sarcastic, to which I said that I had misunderstood and I was sorry......and now she's gone totally quiet on me again.Now I actually quite like this girl - so can someone tell me what it is that I've done wrong? I thought I'd bent over backwards for her:Putting up with her cancellingPaying for her meal during which she barely said anythingTidying my house to impress herGiving her nice complimentsHelp me to not suck (p.s. sorry for length)

My advice: Get out while you can and find someone who isn't crazy.I don't think anyone here will disagree, although they may help you anyway

I agree completely. That girl is nuts.

Thanks for that - but you're both guys, right?Can I have a female perspective on what I've done wrong please?

She does sound like she's testing you out to see just what behaviours you are wearded out by and which ones you are willing to allow. Honestly... From what you write here... She has some serious abandonment and intimacey issues.I think the HOT/ COLD thing is a WARNING bell!!! and only going to get more intense if she lures you into some 'prommise' with eachother. I would be really cautious in getting too much deeper into this. I bet she has some pretty bizzarre stalking tendencies, And I'de be interested to know her relationship history! Be careful!!Also ask yourself honestly... What attracts you to a person like this? What sort of person are you worthy of? What sort of person is worthy of you??You might just end up wasting a lot of energy and time on this person, and be sorry down track that you we'rent a bit wiser, and perhaps valued and loved your qualities more.I've had some pretty interesting characters as partners in the past.. And though I think some partners often mean well. They end up sucking the life out of you.Hope you find your way here.Architype

Ugh she's still being weird. After work I messaged her as I would do normally, trying to make it sound like nothing had happened.

Managed to even get a reply out of her - though it was noticably "hollow".

She then asked me if we were still meeting again tomorrow, to which I said "yes as far as I know", trying again to glaze over what happened last night/this morning...
she replied with "whats that supposed to mean?"

What IS it supposed to mean? There was no hidden meaning there - so I replied with a simple "well I've not changed my plans, so it's still on!" and she's again decided to ignore me.

I wish I knew what was wrong with me.

Dude..don't put up with that crap. Find someone that shares mutual feelings with you. Not this crazy bimbo.

I got a reply stating that she was gonna come over after all, but she needed my address again cos she'd "accidentally" deleted all her messages.What's amusing is that I had "accidentally" deleted all my messages as well last night! Maybe we do have something in common!

Yeah, don't get down on yourself. Some girls try to use guys (and the other way around), but it wasn't your fault. Good job clearing her from your phone!

There's nothing wrong with you. You just found someone who isn't for you and clearly has issues. Dust your hands off and try again.

You need to write this down, and tape it to your alarm clock so that this gets through your head:Some people are nuts.This girl is Nuts.That has nothing to do with me.Just because a girl is f*cked up,That does not mean something is wrongWith me.End of story. Find someone who isn't a crazy stalker with some REAL issues.I would have run away a LONG time ago brother.

Yeah, seems like you're right.

She's just told me that apparently she's really ill (and thus is likely to not be seeing me today).

Illness, or terrible excuse?

My ex used the illness line too many times and it was like the boy who cried wolf.

Now that I think about it she's a lot like my ex. Spooky.

I have one question for you. If you were someone else, would you date yourself? Think on that a bit, but also, if your finding the same sort of girls over and over, there is something about you that is comfortable with them. Work on being UNCOMFORTABLE with lies, deceit and games, then you will find someone else who can be honest and real.This girl, sounds like she has some serious commitment and intimacy issues that you are NEVER going to fix, and soon will resent. I would get out before it gets too deep and you both get hurt. If I was so early in a relationship asking these questions, I would KNOW it wasn't good. A good one is all roses to begin with. You should think the girl is just PERFECT, at least for a while.

Originally Posted By: PepsiChaserI have one question for you. If you were someone else, would you date yourself? I actually genuinely think I am a perfect boyfriend. I treat girls how I would want to be treated myself - I just never ever get it back in return.I'm honestly starting to think I'm doomed. Every single girl I meet seems to have something wrong with them. And I know that it's not a good thing to do but I look at all of my friends and they have all been settled for years now, and never had anything like the issues I had.Honestly the only thing i can think of that could be the problem is me. Why am I the odd one out with all the people I know? I just can't figure out what it is!Anyway it's all pointless now as this little escapade has reached it's end. She prided herself on being "genuine" and "honest" - but she isn't, and lied to me today about her "illness".She came clean and explained that she was using it as a way to push me away - and so I'm going away.Think I'm gonna take myself off the dating market until at least next year. Been through a really crappy....well...forever tbh, and I want a break.

So you would date yourself. That is a wonderful thing. LOL, now do it.Don't go rushing into relationships; start enjoying your own company, find things you like to do, and go do them. It really is amazing how, when you can truely do that, someone usually pops in that is amazing. And until then, you have yourself, and you really get to know yourself better. I ended a relationship a few years ago, and have taken it to heart myself, "your only lonely when your alone if you are in shitty company"...Sounds harsh, but think about it, if you enjoy yourself, alone time isn't that bad!!!

The thing is I have done this. From October to February I was doing just fine being single, and was having a great time. Then a girl from my past came back with a possibility of everything becoming awesome but it fell flat on it's face.Then from March to April I was having a great time again, until this other girl came along - and while it's not upset me like the last girl did, it's really got me worried about how nothing ever seems to work out with me like it has with everyone else I know.Like I say, I'm not upset about losing this girl as a potential partner, cos she was messed up - but it's the principle behind it. I feel like I'm broken or something. Unwanted goods.

No worries, that's just how things go.You aren't unwanted goods. That's how the game plays.Believe me, if I thought about all the relationships that fell through for me, I might come to the same conclusions as you. (except I know how awesome I am anyway. And modesty :P)

Firstly, it is quite hard to find genuine girls who don't have a motive when you are looking them up on an internet dating site. She is a mad women, she scares me from what you told me. Just leave her.Also, you might be trying to commit to these unsucessful relationships because you see your friends and feel you need to be in that same situation. Finally, despite what i said, in the "relatioship" you are in at the moment, you are not to blame at all. She is a loon. Just leave her. Last thing you need is her coming round to your house when you break up with her. . . That would be nasty.

Well it's been ages since she last talked to me so I'm just letting this one go.I hear what you're saying about the dating sites - hence why I've now suspended my account.Never mind.

I don't know about cheesy but**it damn true**.