Through out this ordeal I've started to smoke again, I fell off the horse. As I started again I thought it would at least make me feel calmer. But the high quickly left. Now I need something stronger. Something that can help me forget so to speak. I don't know what to do. I don't like alcohol so I can't try that. EDIT: I should say now that although this a very bad idea seeking something more stronger, I should quit while I'm even considering it. And that speaks for cigarettes as well. At least I still have some clarity.
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I Tried To Commit Suicide Last Night
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Thats good that you can see some clarity.
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I did it. Not all of it. But I did it. I'm not going to die by my own hand. Death will have to do it when I'm old and gray and have the most beautiful grand children. I'm done. I'll still feel sad but at least I'll be living my life. No matter what happens I'll never forget her. She will always be my muse. Today is the day I do something about it. I don't know how it'll happen but I'm going to do it. I love you all. I thank you all. And I will win. Life is only what we choose to make it. Let's just take it. Let us be free. We can find the glory we all dream of and with our love we can win. As the battle goes on we feel stronger. How much longer must this go on? Each and every day we dream of winning and beginning a new life. Still, we must fight or face defeat. We must stand tall and not retreat. Our strength will find the might, there's no fight we can't fight together all together. We can win. Blessed with strong hearts that beat as one. Watch us soar and with love that conquers all, we'll win this battle this last battle. We will win. We must win. We will win. We will win.
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That's the spirit!
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The very best of luck! Go and achieve your potential!
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click JEDI-ALCHEMIST
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Right on Jedi!!!!
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"Life's A Fleeting Dream Don't Let It GO............ "
That is YOUR signature!
at one point in my life i was suicidal, not the stupid stuff like "jane is mad at me" but for ACTUAL reasons. and when i thought about, i mean really thought about it i couldn't go through with it. even though i didn't want to live, i didn't want my life to be over. once you kill yourself, there's no more do-over's. your life is over, and you're the one that ended it. you said that you dont see the point and that you dont have a job or a gf.
1)you dont NEED a gf to live
2)dont get a job, do community service, volunteer just anything whether you get paid or not. helping others changed something in our minds. it gives us a different outlook. if you go to an elderly home they are always looking for people to just visit with the residents. listening to people, wayyy more experienced than all of us is amazing. you hear the honesty and wisdom in their voice. dont like old people? go to a dog rescue, there's a dog rescue online called shihtzuandfurbabyrescue.com you can apply to be a dogs sponsor. of you can get to know the 'group' of people who are regular volunteers and help them out. just find a purpose in your life because right now you feel like you dont have one. even if this purpose is something like "i need to cut out name tags for all the kids in the 3rd grade for tomorrow." it DOES make a difference, even though its small. i promise. and i've suffered from severe depression and i can promise you that the little things do matter. your life matters. -
read to book, "the quiet room" by lori schiller.its a girl with schizophrenia and manic depression.
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I doubt this means very much, if anything, to you coming from me, a total stranger, but I guess thats the whole point...no-one here knows each other. What I'm trying to say is, I read this whole thread holding my breath, and well done for finding it in you to give it all another go, I mean it; not all people could have found the strength, not all people did.