Living To Die?

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im actually an advocate of that saying, and have mentioned it in a couple of songs. describing how we are all just living to die from the day that we are born. each second that passes we come closer to dieing, and at this moment, i dont see myself living past 21...im in a routine, i love my girlfriend, and i love my record label.but its like, all that i die on a daily basis is, smoke, record, spend time with my girlfriend (typically watching movies) eat, sleep, wake up and do it again. some times a bit of diversity comes into play, where i'll have a performance or a photoshoot. but either way its basically the same thing.i dont know if i'll end up finally taking my own life, or if ill be murdered, but i do know that i wont live much longer.ive lost so many things, and its so difficult to continue living without them, but i do manage.i deny my skills lyrically. im humble, and respectful. and ive turned over a new leaf, but i do not see any change from before.i think about how my death will affect my family. will my mom die herself from stress? will my step father mourn me consistently? how long will my "best friends" mourn me, and hold me in there hearts? will my girlfriend move on as if nothing happened? will my second mom cry for me as much as my birth mother?will the people who have crossed my path, and stabbed me in the back, change their lifestyles and realize that what i spoke was not bullshit, but actually a prophecy?ive hurt myself, and done shit that i know will keep me from heaven, so i dont see the point of continuing... its like giving away 3 of ur 4 tires to someone, then trying to go on a road trip. my mind is complex, and it does get difficult to think at times. i cry when i write songs and verses (underground tracks) and each story that i tell, its based on segments in my life. i damn near chain smoke 2 packs of newport 100's daily. i know my lungs are bleeding cause i coughed blood about 2 times this week. but even when i inhaled the next hit and it burned my lungs, i kept smoking.i dont know what to do in life, wat really is the point of continuing if my death is inevitable, and my road is painful?

Your passion is music so why not live for that? You have a girlfriend that you love and obviously loves you very much, sounds like you have good people in your life who care for you very much, your on the road to becoming a successful musician, why give up now?Youve worked so hard to get your music where you want it why throw it all away now, you say your death is inevitable but you dont know that it is. You could die tomorrow or in 60 years just like anyone else in the world. The decisions you make shape your life, if your making ones that are pushing you closer to death why not change?Stop your bad habits now. Quit the smoking shit, i smoked 3 years before i quit and now im watching my mom die from it. Quit that shit NOW! Your only 17 man you've got a whole life to redeem whatever your past sins where. You say your not getting into heaven, you can make up for what you did by living the rest of your years as the humble respectful person you claim to be, god will forgive you.If you've lived such a hard life and made it this far, why give up now when your music career is taking off and you have people that love you? My life is hard too, ive had it hard past, and present but i fight through it. Im not just an MMAfighter im a figher in general. I fight through everything, i dont give up, and you shouldnt either. If your mind is as complex as you claim then you need to trust in it and trust that it will bring you the success you desire. Good luck my friend, dont let yourself fall down, you've come too far to give up now. Peace brother and take care.

I agree with MMAfighter. Music is something you are good at, and it is creative. It will live on after you. People put creativity ahead of happiness, and many tortured people have brought pleasure to others. You have much more to give, Grown, even though you feel empty.

I think its horrible you think that. You have a passion for music.. THAT is your purpose. I know from talking to you and reading your posts on here that you are a GOOD person.I've had a difficult life too. Ive gone through alot of bad times in my day.. but I dont think of the past as my future. I only see new beginnings.

I thought I'd be dead by 20. The problem now is that I'm 35 and still alive.

I've had to seek out plan b, c and d

Also if your living to die your not going to accomplish anything. I was living to die when i was 14-16/17 because i thought i would be dead by 18. So i gave up on everything and my life quickly went down the drain, dont let yours. If your anticipating death and counting your days your motivation is going to suffer and your going to not care about the things you once did. I lost alot because of my lack of motivation because i thought i was going to die. I could have been a 4 time state wrestling champion and had my whole college career funded for me through a big wrestling school and then i could have done anything i wanted.Now im in Community College (working on getting to a University) and im having to pay for everything and it sucks. Not only that i lost my dreams in wrestling and never got to compete to my potential.I made up for it with MMA though and won the Pankration State championship after fucking 3 months of training, and now im going to Nationals. You can do alot when you put your mind, body, and soul into it trust me! Dont live to die and dont give up dude, your 17, your life hasnt even started.

i feel like im only living to die, and one of da only things that i got going for me is my music.i know im gifted, at least thats what everyone tells me. but i just dont know about my future, i feel like im going to live and rap but never accomplish anything other than that.i just spent last night coughing up blood and throwing up, i know the blood was from me smoking newports and this song that i did in which i had to force my voice to be deep and kinda evil, it really fucked up my throat and i didnt even goto school today because i felt so terrible.

Dude what the hell are you doing? Do you not realise just how fucking lucky you are to be alive? You have your whole life ahead of you. There is a huge amount of people out there that would love to be in YOUR shoes, people who are slowly having their life taken away from them by diseases they have no control over or maybe by accidents in which they played no part.You say that you think that you're going to ''live and rap but never accomplish anything more than that''. That is up to you. Who you become and what you accomplish in life is ALL UP TO YOU! So quit all of that shit that you smoke and do God only knows what else with, and go make something of yourself.

Well if you want to accomplish more than music then you have to let yourself live outside of the music world as well in it. What i mean is continue with your music but give yourself enough free time to accomplish other things.

I want to be an MMA Fighter (Pro that is) its my dream. I also want to accomplish more than that though. I have MMA on the back burner and academics up front as my main focus. I want to have a brain before i can knock out everyone in 2 minutes. I want to be smart i want a degree i want a career, because mma may not work.

There has to be something else that you love other than music. You have to want to get educated, or learn to fly a plane, or something else. So allow yourself to do it as well as your music. You dont have to dedicate yourself to music and not do anything else, if your mind is as complex as you say use it to pursue other things that you desire, let it take you wherever you want it to.

as far as school and educations go as well as things that im good at, only thing else other than spitting lyrics, is recording them.i want to be an A and R technician (audio recording tech) i want to record people, and i have a hell of an ear for music, i can tell every miss, every mess, every off beat word, and most of the time i can fix it myself.i can drop beats and make cuts, and have it smoother than a babies bottom. thats my only other passion. and even then its still like, even outside of music, theres still music.

From someone who started playing drums at five, I also feel I'm "good" and people always say I'm a monster drummer and all of that. So There are perks to that, like having MANY friends, and many female friends. I have a life outside of gigs, rehearsals, composing and learning new instruments. I also draw and paint from the age of five. Purpose in life? That is not something we are supposed to figure out, at least very few of us do. Just keep doing what you do, it might or might not reveal itself to you.

you've reminded me of an old songyou are right, our time on Earth is finite so we need to make the best of it and stretch it to it's limmits. But, in a sense, we can live forever through the people we touch, the ideas we share and through our children. Fall makes me very sad and now I start to think there are more summers behind me than ahead of me... but I aint fucking done yet!!never give upoh, and that old song...They say when you get a loverYou begin to lose a friend .That the end of the beginning is the beginning of the end .They say the moment that you're born is when you start to die .And the first time that we said hello began our last goodbye .We know if summer's coming means that winter's waiting there.And gold would not be precious if we all had gold to spare.You only know how low is low the first time that you fly .And the first time that we said hello began our last goodbye .If I could live forever it is certain I would never know another single second so sublime.That's the moment till our meeting when the hands first touched in greeting how I wanted to hold back the hands of time.When they begin the overture they start to end the showWhen you said I'll never leave you then I knew that you'd go.The sound of all our laughter is now echoed in a sigh.And the first time that we said hello began our last goodbye.