Friends In College and depression.

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I am a freshmen this year in college. I had envisioned this year to be an amazing year where I meet tons of new people and develop a lot of friendships, meet a lot of girls. It has been the complete opposite. I chose to live in an apartment style dorm that is far away from central because you got your own bathroom and what not. ive come to extremely regret that decision. the dorm isnt even a dorm. there are 4 rooms on a floor and people have to make the effort to walk around meet others, and people don't. I walk around but everyone had their doors closed. it seems like a lot of the people here already had previous highschool friends here too, so they already have a group to hang with. i am friends with the people i share bathrooms with but i cant seem to get to the point where they call me up to see whats up. my school only had 3. i even joined a fraternity to try and meet new people but i live so far away from them that i feel completely disconnected. i plan on dropping out this semester. now its almost halfway through the year and it seems like everyone had developed their own little cliques and groups already. my school has over 20,000 kids, so around 5000 freshmen and i feel extremely lonely. i see people walking down the streets in little groups while i walk alone. beyond friends, is the lack of female friends. i used to be a super loner in highschool and i was obese. i lost all the weight and developed new friends and a lot were female friends. i became really good friends with them as well. now im in college and i don't have that good connection with anyone i meet. sure i can talk to them and have a conversation, but i can't seem to get beyond that level and hang out and what not because they seem like they have already "clicked". the lack of female friends and attention is really really depressing me. i try and be optimistic and be extremely out going, but i just can't develop that circle of friends i had in highschool. i feel like i f***ed up my entire college experience (for a lack of better words) because of the choice of living far from campus. i think im depressed./end of rant

Welcome to A2A, rockstar. You might consider moving closer next semester, if you stay on (as I hope you will if things are OK academically). But your situation isn't so unusual. Indeed where I live most students live with their parents and commute to university.

Friends often arise through shared interests or shared experiences. Potential sources of friends are other students doing similar studies to yourself, and people in clubs that you are interested in. I wonder if you are not forward enough in gaining friends? Perhaps you hang back, when you should be introducing yourself and joining groups?

Don't worry that people may already be good friends with others - friendship isn't exclusive. You may well be looking for a girlfriend ultimately and an exclusive relationship, but start with ordinary friendship first and build up your confidence there. To be noticed you need to be upfront and not hanging back, so push yourself out of your comfort zone and invite yourself into the groups.

I had the exact same experience, minus the being a boy and fraternity affliaton. I ended up having a total breakdwn after moving back home and registering at a closer university because of the stress, and to be honest that was the best thing that could've happened to be. I have a lot more friends, and I'm in a better place mentally.

If you feel you need to leave, then do so, but before this semester ends (if your grades haven't suffered) look for other options, such as, moving to a closer dormitory or purchasing a car.

Originally Posted By: dae-sy

I had the exact same experience, minus the being a boy and fraternity affliaton. I ended up having a total breakdwn after moving back home and registering at a closer university because of the stress, and to be honest that was the best thing that could've happened to be. I have a lot more friends, and I'm in a better place mentally.

If you feel you need to leave, then do so, but before this semester ends (if your grades haven't suffered) look for other options, such as, moving to a closer dormitory or purchasing a car.

Leaving isn't a choice for me and I've never considered it. I'm trying to move closer though. Yeah, all the friendships i built in my home town are still strong, they always want me to come back and visit and what not.

Originally Posted By: Ineligible

Welcome to A2A, rockstar. You might consider moving closer next semester, if you stay on (as I hope you will if things are OK academically). But your situation isn't so unusual. Indeed where I live most students live with their parents and commute to university.

Friends often arise through shared interests or shared experiences. Potential sources of friends are other students doing similar studies to yourself, and people in clubs that you are interested in. I wonder if you are not forward enough in gaining friends? Perhaps you hang back, when you should be introducing yourself and joining groups?

Don't worry that people may already be good friends with others - friendship isn't exclusive. You may well be looking for a girlfriend ultimately and an exclusive relationship, but start with ordinary friendship first and build up your confidence there. To be noticed you need to be upfront and not hanging back, so push yourself out of your comfort zone and invite yourself into the groups.

I try to be forward and I feel that I'm doing a good job. I can talk to them and what not, but I feel I can't get past that point. Should I just ask them for a number and to hang out one day? I feel that this is a lot easier for guys, but how can I do it with women without them thinking im coming on to them. I've also never had a girl friend before and that always lingers in my mind. I feel my life would be a lot easier if i had one, but who knows.

I feel like a tag along if I just invite myself. Would I just say, what are you doing tonight? can I come? that sounds really kind of clingy and needy. and what if they dont want me with them. but who knows. ill try it out and see what happens.

Yeah, I know how you feel. I know it sounds a bit cheesy and all, but try your best to stay optimistic. I know that that fear of appearing clingy or despearate can really hold you back, but keep at it. Most likely, people won't think you sound needy or anything like you think. You said you can't get past that kind of casual acquaitance thing, and what people always told me is to push myself; build on those companionships so that they could soon develop into friendships. Of course, it's not gonna be a totally easy ride, cos you're gonna have to work at it but when you do, things could be a lot better I wish you the best of luck!

Originally Posted By: JackieNOYeah, I know how you feel. I know it sounds a bit cheesy and all, but try your best to stay optimistic. I know that that fear of appearing clingy or despearate can really hold you back, but keep at it. Most likely, people won't think you sound needy or anything like you think. You said you can't get past that kind of casual acquaitance thing, and what people always told me is to push myself; build on those companionships so that they could soon develop into friendships. Of course, it's not gonna be a totally easy ride, cos you're gonna have to work at it but when you do, things could be a lot better I wish you the best of luck! thanks. i smile a lot to uplift my spirit and feel better on those super down days. i just see people all together and it just downs me. i try and keep my head up though. i told my self i wouldnt regret my college years by breaking out of the shell i was in in highschool. so far i am but no luck =\ . it just seems like every one is in a group and they arn't very open to letting an outsider in.

do you know that for sure? one of the things i found is that some people (not everyone) aren't really as comfortable and happy as they seem. even those in large groups of friends may not feel that close to anyone in particular. and yeah, keep trying even though it's hard.
make an effort to go to lunch with people you know, and if they're decent human beings, they won't think you're pathetic or needy, but will simply welcome the extra company! soon enough, try swapping emails, mobile numbers and you could build some good friendships.