In an effort to overcome my inconceivable problem, I am going to my psychiatrist on June 9th and telling him that I want to be checked into the mental health hospital. I must first check in with my health insurance company and ask if they will cover such a thing. I really hope so. If not, I am going to try and ask for Xanax and Adderol or something that will have a profound effect on me. I'm tired of this Abilify and Zoloft shit. It isn't working. Sure, I feel better than before I started taking it, but I feel like it has reached its peak performance in my body. My research into ADD has led me to believe that I have it and it happens to be accompanied with depression, anxiety, and a mood disorder. But I am also open to the possibility that I may be completely wrong. I hope not. Because then the question still remains: what the fuck is wrong with me? Why do I believe that something is wrong with me? I can't socialize as easy as my fellow college mates can, I can't learn my job as quickly as coworkers. I've been on sandwhiches for like a week at Wendy's now and I still forget the mustard and I get mixed up in the things I do. I feel like I have anxiety attacks when I work as well. I watched a brand new kid walk into Wendy's and learn sandwhiches in 1 day.... That just made me so worried about myself. Why can't I learn that fast? It isn't because I am lazy and because I don't try even though my parents say I'm not a hard worker and I am lazy. I think it just appears that way to others. I really try hard. It's driving me crazy. It eats me up that I can't learn a simple job like Wendy's and everyone else can. My coworker Gameboy has learned the job so well and he has been there in less time than I have. I've noticed that I no longer have the energy to play a full game of basketball anymore. I get tired so easily. I am really frustrated. I feel like I am trapped and I can't get anything I want done. I want to be a healthy being and a person who works harder than everyone else. I want to discipline myself and become really book smart and become an expert on philosophy or sociology or something. I want to do something good. I really do. I just feel like I don't have the mental capacity to do it. Oh, please, let me find a solution to my problems. I am tired of living like this. I'm so tired. I can't keep going on forever being happy one second, and suicidal the next. I am suicidal and full of anxiety most of the time, and happy a very small amount of the time. Another small detail that I would like to throw in is I feel like my memory has been affected somehow. I may be crazy but I think I have noticed a difference in my ability to retain information. I have been sleeping 10 hours at a time recently as well. I don't know why. I used to sleep for like 8 or 9 but is has increased to 10. Maybe its the job? I have no clue. Just something else I noticed. I'm just hoping to help give the doc more info so he can make a better decision.I've missed you guys here at A2A I tried to stay away from A2A, because I thought that by deleting the bookmark, it would help keep me from using mental illness as a crutch or excuse as my parents thought I was doing. I guess I tried to delete the possibility of mental disorder from my conscience. It became apparent over time that something is clearly wrong, thus I am back here and on June 9th, I will be checking myself into a mental health hospital or something. I hope so. I so hope so.
-
This is my last resort.
-
Tell the doctor all of this. It does sound like a change in medication might be a good idea. A mental hospital is usually only used when symptoms are so severe ordinary life is not possible or if you are suicidal, so make sure you mention that part.
-
There doesn't seem to be any compelling evidence that you have any problems other than being too sissy. Please don't take this the wrong way. You do have legitimate problems, you should just try to be a little stronger.
-
I don't think me being too "sissy" is the problem. I have been traveling down this road for a long time with a lot of weight on my shoulders. I am pretty strong. I will myself all the time past my bad thoughts and I keep on keepin' on. I know my mental illness can easily be mistaken for personal weakness and no mental toughness. I know I seem weak compared to my counterparts. I know it looks that way. But it isn't. I am battling my mind everyday. Telling myself to keep on going and keep on going. Just wait until june the 9th. Just make it to June 9th. That's my goal. Can you tell how desperate I am for help? I am just trying to will myself to June the 9th. Seems like a short amount of time right? Well, it seems like an eternity to me. I know I am strong and once I get my mind right and I get past this mental illness, I guarantee you I will be a brand new person. I will be the hardest worker you will ever see. I will have so much self-discipline, it will be ridiculous. I will study hard and make myself into the man I want to become. You will see. This mental illness is holding me back. I've tried several things to shake it off. I can't. I didn't believe I was bipolar or had generalized anxiety for a while. I tried to just forget it and say I don't have it. That didn't work. Like I said, it became apparent overtime that I am bipolar and I do have anxiety issues. Once I find the correct medicine to correct this chemical imbalance, I will seem stronger to the external world.
-
Well I haven't self diagnosed, I am Bipolar (doctor diagnosed) and without medication I have battled grown up with a drug addict mother who killed my father who was a rapist. I am now on my way to making over 175,000 a year. Every step is a hard one. I guess some have what it takes and some don't. Too bad for you.
-
Also, I have A.D.D (not adhd) and have never taken medication for it (well, not since I was 10). Try harder. Look at yourself as the problem and look for the solution within yourself. But don't start a repetitive cycle of self blame (more like indulgence). You start rolling in how bad you have it you won't be making in headway.
-
I am doctor-diagnosed as well. I have been diagnosed as having Bipolar, Borderline, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder with Depression sprinkled in there as well. I am just guessing that I have ADD too. I may be wrong. I don't look at how bad I have it. I look at like this: I want to mold myself into the person I know I can be. But these disorders and what not are preventing me from doing so. I can feel it. I've tried to forget about it and carry on with achieving my goals in life but it has regularly interfered with that process. I am not the problem. I know I am not. I have very good intentions and major goals to achieve. I see these disorders or whatever as a problem. Once I get this cleared up, which I will soon, I can begin making progress towards achieving my goals.
-
as long as you aren't being a pussy, getting medication is fine by me.