Why I am so totally completely and undeniably in love with Lord of the Rings.In every dark moment of my life, every time I prayed... I watched Lord of the Rings. And it didn't just make me feel better, it put me on this high almost. Like... it took me away from the horrors of reality and into a world where there are no worries but just peace, love, and joy. I can't explain it. The first time I saw the movie my uncle had died. He was so close to me. Like my best friend. It was in the year of 2005. And I was in such a state of shock there were no tears. I had seen him die in the hospital. And I remember watching TNT one day and LOTR was on. And it was the Two Towers the scene when Theoden was released from Saruman's spell and when he came to he looked at Eowyn his niece and said "I know your face... Eowyn" and that scene. JUST that scene alone effected me in such a way that I can't explain. I burst into tears for the first time since my uncle had died. And I couldn't help but finish watching the movie. And I was hooked. That scene is one of my favorites if not my favorite of the entire trilogy. I was 14 I think. The other time was when I broke up with my ex. I was crying while talking to him on the phone. I happened to turn to Return of the King and it was the scene when Eowyn hands Aragorn the cup. I think I rewound that scene...5-8 times. Wasn't that difficult to forget my ex after that. Have no idea what it did but it helped.When my cousin got gunned down, well that was one of the worst weeks of my life. I was watching the Two Towers when Sam gave his speech in the end about there being some good in the world and it's worth fighting for. I went insane over that scene. Nearly memorized it. In fact, I wrote a college essay about how much of an influence LOTR has had in my life and apparently they loved it enough to offer me a scholarship based on that essay alone.I also remember when my chio came to visit from Rio and caused all that havoc in my household. He made me thirsty for his blood with his sexist anti-American anti-female rants. But I remember there was a 3-day marathon of LOTR the ENTIRE WEEKEND he was here. And he actually watched the movies with me and saw the scene with Eowyn confronting Aragorn in the Two Towers and her killing the Witchking in the Return of the King. It was awesome. I remember telling him off that day. Pure. Bliss.I don't know. It's just. I never really thought about it. I know I'm a huge dork with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Chronicles of Narnia. It's actually what differentiates me so much from my friends. Everyone's like "Let's watch Get Rich or Die Tryin, Romeo Must Die, Stomp the Yard, You Got Served" and I'm like "What about Fellowship of the Ring" and then come the dagger eyes. It's how I got the nickname "Becky" for being such a weirdo. Oh well. They still love me.But yea just felt like letting that out. Also, I've been doing some reminiscing and... I counted up the amount of times I myself remember watching a friend or family member get shot or stabbed to death. And the number I came up with was staggering. So what I'm wondering is, as someone who has gotten so far as to see her cousin get shot in the back of the head at 12, why am I not messed up in the head and needing psychological help or something? I thought stuff like that would mess me up in a big way and make me all screwy?
I just realized something
People react differently to trauma, and it's often very hard to predict what sort of reaction a particular person will have.
I suppose you're right. I guess I thought with me being an emotional person and all... I don't know.I feel like I always get in this state where I feel I need to be rescued. I saw Transformers today and the soundtrack really stood out to me. It's always instrumental but I feel like I have this need to feel a certain way which usually only happens trough music. Sorry I'm probably not making much sense. I just hate not knowing why certain things happen to me and why I feel and think a certain way. It annoys me when I just don't know but yet consistenly have to deal with it.