K sorry if this is long but I need to say it all and I feel like I have no one I can talk to, I remember this site I saw it when i was a kid sometime but never registered so this is my first post, and it's messed up.So I'm 20 now, just turned last month. I've never really been in a relationship, I've had sex with girls, and not really sex but fooled around with 2 diff guys when I was younger, but it was pretty much all just sex no emotional attachment.2 days ago I read this like erotic story thing on the internet, and it was about two teenage guys falling in love, I kind of stumbled across it while reading some random stories. Usually the stories were just about straight up hardcore sex, and usually straight, or bi. This one was more about the relationship and like a deep deep feeling of lasting love, I felt really emotional after like happy and sad it was weird like I had a knot in my chest.The next day I couldn't stop thinking about it, I read another story by the same guy and then it really began. I have so much emotion it hurts it feels like I have an empty hole in my chest, I want love so badly. I'm aware that I'm bi or gay or w/e I dunno I am attracted to guys and girls, but to be honest I feel like the attraction to girls is slipping, and I haven't even admitted that too myself until right now. It's also not just that I'm so messed up emotionally it's taking over my days, I am half way through my finals in first year uni and I can't even study cause the pain is so intense I just feel like crying and I JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANT! seriously it's so hard. I need to get passed this but it feels hopeless, like until I find someone I truly love it will never stop.The problem doesn't end there, this next part I'm really looking advice on from gay guys or bi guys who've had relationships with men. So I have medical issues, Crohn's Disease, which affects my bowels. There's no point getting overly descriptive but basically I had surgery a year ago and it left me with this opening above my anus, it has a suture in it to prevent it from closing until deemed "time" by my doctor. I don't know how painful anal sex would be, or if I can even have it, my doctor has asked me what my sexual preference is and I haven't had the nerve to say anything but heterosexual, so he is probably getting at do I get nailed up the bum. Anyway my question is that if it turned out I couldn't take a guy, at least temporarily, would a guy still want me, isn't that the way gay guys have sex?I just want this to end honestly I don't even care if I'm gay anymore. I'm older now and I'm not really self conscious, the only thing I have been self conscious about for the last couple years is my sexual orientation. But, I feel like I can't be gay because I don't know if I can pleasure a guy, and that thought alone makes me want a guy more. I just want someone to hold me and tell me they love me, I've never had that, and how the fuck do I meet guys? It's not kosher to ask guys "hey are you gay?" and I've seen a couple groups for gay people or whatever, but it's mostly like addicts and people really unstable, ha as if to call myself stable, plus allot of them are really flamboyant and for some reason that's a turn-off for me cause it always seems like an act.I don't know if anyone has any advice but I'm desperate I feel like I'm drowning, I'm trapped in this pit and I don't know how to get out. If you're gay please share experience you had when you realized or accepted it, can anyone relate to what I'm going through. I feel totally isolated and different.Jay
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WTF
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Really 102 people read this or part of and could say nothing?Fuck you all lol, jk I've found some condolence and peace with othersBut still! I thought this site was cool... Guess I was wrong
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Sorry I have been a bit random on the site lately do to some IRL issues so I didn't see this post. Give me time to read it over, ingest what was written, and write a response.
Sorry it was over looked!
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I’ll try and take this post from point to point to make it easier. I’ll try not to get to long winded but I cannot promise anything lol Quote: The next day I couldn't stop thinking about it, I read another story by the same guy and then it really began. I have so much emotion it hurts it feels like I have an empty hole in my chest, I want love so badly. I'm aware that I'm bi or gay or w/e I dunno I am attracted to guys and girls, but to be honest I feel like the attraction to girls is slipping, and I haven't even admitted that too myself until right now. It's also not just that I'm so messed up emotionally it's taking over my days, I am half way through my finals in first year uni and I can't even study cause the pain is so intense I just feel like crying and I JUST DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT I WANT! seriously it's so hard. I need to get passed this but it feels hopeless, like until I find someone I truly love it will never stop. Gay, Straight, bi.. whatever.. obviously it sounds to me like you are wanting a companion, someone to love and reciprocate the feelings. I can remember having that same strong urge for the first time, especially towards another guy. I remember how it actually almost seemed to make the heart hurt because all you desire is that touch and love from someone. It does get easier, its just right now these emotions are new for you so it’s a bit overwhelming. If anything I say ride the emotions on what you are feeling and really take them in. You’ll be amazed what you’ll learn about yourself just being doing that. Quote: The problem doesn't end there, this next part I'm really looking advice on from gay guys or bi guys who've had relationships with men. So I have medical issues, Crohn's Disease, which affects my bowels. There's no point getting overly descriptive but basically I had surgery a year ago and it left me with this opening above my anus, it has a suture in it to prevent it from closing until deemed "time" by my doctor. I don't know how painful anal sex would be, or if I can even have it, my doctor has asked me what my sexual preference is and I haven't had the nerve to say anything but heterosexual, so he is probably getting at do I get nailed up the bum. Anyway my question is that if it turned out I couldn't take a guy, at least temporarily, would a guy still want me, isn't that the way gay guys have sex? As a gay man I can tell you anal sex is not the only thing we do… and even on the topic of anal sex not all gay men enjoy anal sex (usually receiving that is, though I have met a few that don’t like to give either). Of course anal sex is part of gay sex, but what makes up the most of our sex lives is oral sex, mutual masturbation, kissing etc.But sense you are concerned about the anal sex part I’ll try and cover a bit about that. First off, can/does anal sex hurt? Yeah if not done right sure it can hurt. You want a lot of lube and to really have someone who is going to be patient especially since this is something new for you. But if done right it can be amazing! It’s just something you’ll need patience and understanding from your partner. Also you might find out anal sex is something you don’t enjoy receiving, which again is not uncommon. As with any relationship (Straight/gay/bi) there is sexual compatibility and compromises. It’s all about being upfront and honest with your partner about what you like and don’t like so you are both aware and comfortable.Secondly, as for your medical condition, it’s surprisingly not that uncommon. I actually dated a guy who had the surgery you mentioned and he was able to have anal sex. Now I am not saying you should do it without talking with your doctor first because I am not sure what conversation the guy I dated might have had with his doctor. I know it might seem uncomfortable but I would have a talk with your doctor and let him know your sexual orientation. Trust me he has heard it all before and he won’t judge you for it; he just wants to make sure you are being safe.Thirdly, I’m sure it’s obviously its already been said, but yes even if for some reason you are not able to receive anal sex you’d still be wanted and loved. As already stated anal sex is not the only want gay men have sex with each other; there is so much more to it. It all comes down to finding someone sexually and emotional compatible. And obviously, I’m sure it does without saying anymore, regardless just make sure you are protected; condoms are a mans best friend hehe. Quote: I just want this to end honestly I don't even care if I'm gay anymore. I'm older now and I'm not really self conscious Well you are already past the hard part then if you can already accept yourself, that’s one of the hardest parts when someone realizes they are gay. For me personally it took me a long time, but once I was able to accept myself it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. So be proud of yourself that you have already jumped over that hurdle. Quote: But, I feel like I can't be gay because I don't know if I can pleasure a guy, and that thought alone makes me want a guy more. I think that’s a common “fear” for most people when it comes to sex for the first time, and though you said you already had sex before, it was with a female not a male so I can understand. Again it comes down to being honest with your partner and letting them know you are new to all this and you might need a little guidance. I remember the first time I had sex, I remember feeling anxious and felt like my heart was going to beat of my chest with how hard it was beating lol. Just relax and it’ll all come naturally, plus you’re a guy and you know what feels good so you already have some idea on who to please another guy. Quote: I just want someone to hold me and tell me they love me, I've never had that, and how the fuck do I meet guys? It's not kosher to ask guys "hey are you gay?" and I've seen a couple groups for gay people or whatever, but it's mostly like addicts and people really unstable, ha as if to call myself stable, plus allot of them are really flamboyant and for some reason that's a turn-off for me cause it always seems like an act. In today’s age there are tons of places to meet people. There are internet single sights (I will say thought stay away from sites like Gaywatch, Adam4Adam etc.. they seem to be nothing more then hookup sites..yuck! But places like Yahoo personals etc seem to be the way to go. I haven’t been single for awhile so there might be other, more specified, sites that I don’t know about.), there are bars, clubs, groups.. etc. There are numerous ways to get out there and meet people. You just have to be confident enough in yourself to put yourself out there, which I know can be hard and even stressful. But unless you can do that it’s going to be hard to meet someone. I’m not sure where you live, but in most places, there is at least one gay bar; not a horrible place to start / If there is anything I didn’t cover that you needed answered, please feel free to ask. I tried to cover all the points but I might have missed something. I hope my long post was able to help you in some way. Take care of yourself!
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Sorry no one is responding, but unfortunately, this site is not what it used to be like a few years ago. Not that many people frequent and participate in the forums any more.. A lot of the views are probably from guests, handful of new members, and/or members who perhaps don't have any good advice to give..