A Very Fast First Date

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I met a guy online and we had are first date yesterday. I do like him, but we moved really fast on our first date. When ended up going back to my place (bad idea) and watched a movie. Then we started making out. Before long he was was fingering me, clothes came off, etc... We didn't have sex. I kept think keep your penis away, 'cause I had stopped my birth control. I am terrified of getting pregnant and we got close, but not too close...hopefully. Ughhh...I don't know if I should get back on it and just keep doing the kind of stuff we were doing or stay off and keep things not so "naked". He asked if I was a virgin (I said yes), he asked if I were waiting for marriage (I said that that was the plan and he said he respected my decision). I don't how well non sex will go. He kept asking if what we did made us more than dating. I said I don't know. It kind of made me feel better knowing he didn't want us to be a one night stand of sorts. I don't know. I think I moved too fast...and I don't like doing risky behavior when not on birth control. What should I do? I do I not feel bad about what I did?

Personally, unless it messes with you really bad, I think it's probably best you stay on some sort of birth control, at least have condoms around, but pills preferable. In 6 years, none of my friends who properly used the pill have been knocked up.It's probable that you'll end up having sex if you see this guy regularly if you've already gone this far. But it's not impossible you can remain unsexual.You need some form of birth control just encase, as far as how fast you guys move, it's a mental thing, from personal experience both of myself and close friends. It's never really mattered how fast people have gone in relationships.I ended up getting sleepy (Some how I end up in sexual situations when I'm barely awake.) And sex this girl on the first day meeting her and we've been together 3 almost 4 months now. And so far, no real issues.But what you guys want to do, is really up to you two. Just don't let common views of society on beliefs of how things "should" be, end up being a major part in your decision making.

sighI just want to be as safe as I can. I guess I need to go back and get that prescription filled. Uggghhhhhh...I hate medication.Lately I've been wondering if I should even be in a relationship. I don't even want to have sex. I wish there was something else I could do. I just feel like I can't have it my way and I'll eventually have to do something I don't want to do.

Shouldn't a decent guy respect your feelings at this time?

But what are you looking for in your life at the moment?

He seems decent, but I'm just so aware that many guys wouldn't be and are just hoping women like me are going to change their minds and they can get some.Well I'm finally graduating from college in December, I want a career, my own place (preferably a house), and someone special by my side that isn't going to get offended if I cross the friend line (i.e. a boyfriend). I'm sort of talking about my ex...he keeps telling me I don't need a boyfriend and that friends should be enough. He just doesn't get it. I wants to be in my life, but he doesn't want to cross that line. So what doesn't he want me to do, stare at him looking hot all day and not touch?? I'm trying to move on, find someone that wants what I want. Maybe I'm just horny...I don't know. It's hard to trust his advice. It's also hard to be in the in between: wanting a step above friendship, but to far above a committed relationship (I don't care about sex). I don't know what to do, or how to accept that I may never find anything like that. It probably doesn't even exist.

Quote:Lately I've been wondering if I should even be in a relationship. I don't even want to have sex. I wish there was something else I could do. I just feel like I can't have it my way and I'll eventually have to do something I don't want to do. Alot of guys are pigs ... but not EVERY guy is like that. You can be in a relationship without the sex. My best friend has only had sex with one man.. her husband. Because sex was important to her and she wanted it to be special. It can be for you too!!

We'll see how this guy is. I'm not very optimistic, not because of him in particular, but because I always here people talk about how much they love it and they can't go without and I just feel no one is like me. I've never had those strong urges to have sex and I'm afraid when I do have sex that it won't be because I want to. I'll just be the chick laying there pretending. The guy I'm dating has obviously had sex before. He said it would be hard for him, but he'll try. I don't even know if I should make it official between us. He wants kids and everything one day and I'm thinking: Does that mean you're expecting be to push a baby out of my vagina??? I'm find with raising someone else's kid(s). I don't care if I have biological children. Surrogates are expensive I think. Ugh...I'm thinking too far ahead (and I'm off topic). I should shut up.It's not important to me either, but not in the same way it is for your friend. I'm not really waiting for anyone because I don't want to have sex with anyone. After reading that sentence over in my head it sounds weird. I don't know if I worded that right.

If this guy really respects and values your relationship, he would be willing to wait for as long as you're willing to wait. If you believe there's a remote chance you'll end up sleeping with him, then I would get on birth control.

I'd like to think he does. :frowning: I'm not even sure if we have a relationship. I need to talk to him about that. If he's really serious about what he said. I wonder bout that. How long is a good guy willing to wait?? I could wait forever, I don't have a problem and I don't have a set time frame it's just after whenever I'm married...whenever that is. I want him to be a good guy. The thought of sleeping with a guy just to keep him around makes me scared and sick. I don;t want to be that girl.

I mainly want it to be super safe when we're fooling around, 'cause for me penis=pregnancy.

Well I finally asked him what he thought about us and he answered. He told me today that he doesn't like the idea of waiting 'til marriage, marriage is a long time away for him. He's said he's 28 and doesn't feel like he should hold back in that department. He's done it and doesn't see the big deal. I really like him and he says he really likes me. We have good chemistry. He says he's a freak in bed and apparently I'm not.

I want to try having a relationship with him...I want to tell him I want to try. I want to be ready because I like him and want to be with him. I feel like I can make it work with the guys I like and that like me 'cause I tell them I don't want to have sex 'til I'm married. Ugh...what do I do? Should I try at a relationship and hope the desire for sex will come? Does doing that make me sound desperate? People always say a good guy will wait...does anyone actually believe that? I feel like an alien dropped onto this planet and there's no one like me left. He gave the whole speech about there's someone out there and to not give up...uggggghhhh!

Help :frowning:

Hmm, at 28 he thinks marriage is a long time away?And why is he telling you there's someone out there (presumably not him) and to not give up?

He's still in school (He's going to major in engineering next semester) and he says he didn't like the amount of money that he makes. He wants to be able to support a family comfortable. I remember him saying 34 was an ideal age, by then he would have accomplished more. He said that 'cause he doesn't want to wait for me. I mean I told him there's not definite answer to when I'll get married of when I'll have sex. Even if I waited for a committed relationship that wasn't marriage, sex still wouldn't be instant. I've never done it before and it's going to be painful. I really like him, but I wish he would try and be more patient. Unlike nearly everyone on this planet there's no natural urge to do it despite those things. I need time. That urge, desire to have sex has never come. I don't even know what it's supposed to feel like for me when I am ready.

REJECTED! :frowning:

I think it might be an escape.

Him or me? An escape from/to what?Apparently those requirements are important to him. We were chatting and things I just don't understand. He listed as a lack of career (he knew this before we met) made us a bad match and so did my lack of trust (I've none him a pretty short period of time), my fear of having children (I guess all when are suppose to have the natural desire to want children and think they will be good mothers and have the stamina and money to do it), he's a freak and I'm not (it's odd that he can tell my sexual taste when we got close under bad circumstance. I was so uncomfortable, I barely knew him and felt so outside myself. I had never went that far on a first date).I feel used. What's wrong with me? When we chatted earlier he talked about how he really liked me, how we had chemistry.... I even tried to tell him to forget marriage, but at least a committed relationship. I just need to feel ready, I have to want to do it, but I guess he wanted instant or no relationship. He even didn't think that both people need to want to have sex in order to have sex; one person's desire was enough. Also that trust isn't necessary and humans have an automatic desire to have sex. Well what's wrong with me? I must have missed getting that natural instinct. I feel like after he realized that he wasn't going to get any farther with me, he didn't even want to try. He really tried to "motivate" me. We did the whole get naked and touch each other thing every time he came over. He's a stud I guess, he can find a decent woman anywhere. Anyone like me has to suffer through impatience and people being not genuine.When we were chatting he kept 'lol'ing and it made me sad and angry. i wasn't trying to make joke; I was also angry and sad before. It's like it's not a big deal to him, like it's not supposed to be painful and I'm sitting in front of my laptop and crying off and on during the convo. I really like/liked him and wanted to be with him. I like his smile and looking into his eyes, and the way he smelled, and his accent. I just want a chance! I felt like a pathetic, begging loser. it's the 'let's run from the virgin syndrome' 'cause she not eager for sex and if we have sex I'll get clingy and commit suicide when we break up. Bitch, shut the fuck up! Ugh! Humans confuse me. I feel like I'm not even human. I don't understand all these desires I'm supposed to have and don't have. Sex is like this natural desire where you don't need trust or even have to really like someone. You just do it like animals do, it's casual. Then where do I fit in? What am I?

An escape for you, from him. He may have been using you - he doesn't seem to want you as a person as much as he seemed to suggest.

That's what it all looks like now.

He started chatting with me again.... He just moved into a new place and he knows I'm looking for one and/or a roommate. So okay, I want to know if I'm the only one that thinks this is weird and he's just on another planet somewhere. He ask if I can afford half and when I saw no that it wouldn't be a good idea for us to be roommates, he asks as if he doesn't know why and that it wasn't like he was mean. Then he mentions, randomly how he misses kissing me, after which I point out why it's a made idea. Then he says he has self control...blah! I guess he can have self control when he wants to...or when he knows he's not going to get any so he shouldn't even try. Ugh.... Maybe he doesn't realize how angry and sad I was about the situation, or how depressed I am about guys because I can't date any of them. Maybe he does know how he made me feel and doesn't care. He reminds me of my ex. So I'm not the only one that thinks roommate scenario with a guy you dated and crushed on is weird, right? Would it make a difference in your answer if you had read what I wrote on here, or if you hadn't and thought I was "cool" with the whole rejection?