I want to kill myself

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At this present point in time, I am very upset. Day by day, month by month, I put up with problems I cannot face. I had a really bad anxiety issue that developed when I moved away from my friends. In my new home I tried to make new friends but I couldn't. As this happened I became a loner, who seemed to be rapped up in his 'own world'. I didnt go out much, see people or do anything ordinary. I developed bad acne on my face and body that hurled me into depression. It got worse. I became what I feel to be insane and I felt anxious about doing anything. People reminded me of my problems about being 'in my own world' and my body looking horrid because of acne. People mocked me, insulted me regularly. I tried to help myself. I went to see someone for my problems. They helped. I got nearly back to normal, but I was always embarrassed about going so I called it off and said I was ok. Afterwards I tried to move on, but unable to. I've become aware of more problems. Phimosis to name one, what am I supposed to do? I can't tell me parents... I am disgusted with my private bits, my penis is very small, my acne is all over. I'm skinny, I don't even look very nice, but I try to look my best. I'm very loving and kind, but not appreciated. I'm mocked all the time. I hate my body and who I am. I feel suicidal. I want to kill myself. I've thought of solutions to help myself. But it's too much, and I don't want anybody to know. Please somebody help me.

It's important that you don't feel you have to suffer alone. Other people can help.First, do you have a school counsellor? That can be a good way of letting parents know there is a problem, without you having to tell them directly - and from a source they will take seriously. Anxiety and depression and acne can all be treated, and then you can get the confidence to improve your social skills.Phimosis can also be treated. The first thing to try is the stretching exercises at the thread starting at http://www.afraidtoask.com/forums/showflat.php?Cat=&Board=UBB2&Number=37519&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=5&o=&fpart=1. Can I ask how old you are? You may find that with time your acne will improve and your penis will get bigger.

Quoting Scott Stapp from Creed in a song called Inside Us All:When I'm all aloneAnd no one else is thereWaiting by the phoneTo remind meI'm still hereWhen shadows paint the scenesWhere spotlights used to fallAnd I'm left wonderingIs it really worth it all?There's a peace inside us allLet it be your friendIt will help you carry on In the endThere's a peace inside us allLife can hold you downWhen you're not looking upCan't you hear the sound?Hearts beating out loudAlthough the names changeInside we're all the sameWhy can't we tear down these walls?To show the scars we're coveringThere's a peaceThere's a peace inside us allLet it be Oh, can't it be your friend?

I think about ending my life every couple of days. when I was 11/12 I was extremely suicidal but never had the guts to go through with it. I had no friends so had no one to talk to. I also got a kick out of scratching my arms with sharp objects...not cutting myself but making the skin red raw so that it burned. The ironic thing now is that i have the best friends in the world now and a really caring bf, yet i am still suicidal. Im 16 and my bf 20. he dresses diffrently to most people (we're both slightly gothic in appearance) and he had a drug problem 2 years ago, but he's the nicest guy you will ever come across, yet my mother doesn't agree. we've been seeing each other secretly for 10 months now, but the sneaking around gets me down. I also suffer from depression which doesn't help, and the only people who know are a few close friends and my bf. Sometimes I feel like I can't talk to them about this though which makes me feel even more isolated. Im afraid that il just be so down one day that ill just slit my wrists and be done with it, but im even more frightened of not doing it right as it would destroy my family as my mother is on her own. also, i worry that my bf will do something equally stupid.

hugs n cuddles::

Wow off on it again! Lol

Hey. I wrote the large piece at the top. no worrys...Im still here

Sorry, i dont mean the one right at the top, i mean the piece from 08/16/04

Don't worry about your size, zits, looks and all the other teenage crap. I can relate a lot to your problem with making friends. I saw a drastic change in my personality when I relocated years ago and now again when I went to college. Each time I hit a depressive state that was unseen in the past. You need to go back to help. Plain and simple. I tried to do the same thing and I saw myself twirl down,then I made a move to stop all drugs I was taking. This left me going down to hell with my depression. The problem is that help is needed even after the feeling of being "ok" is established. How would anyone but your family know that you are getting help. If your family has a tendency to "talk" tell them you don't want people to know. They should respect your wish. You noticing other problems really tells you, that you really need the help. In terms of your personality, keep it up. Thinking that your ugly and you have a nice personality, doesn't mean you have no chances with the girls. Personally I go for guys with the same personality you say you have. The guys that I consider cute are usually jerks, and most girls notice that too. Don't kill yourself. Thats not the answer. And being mocked is nothing like being mocked by your own "friends" or being the psycho chick at school. The painful saying "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" applyies. Those that mock are the assholes of the world. Those that are mocked become the most understanding, loved, and appreciated people. I went through the same problems except the dick thing, it was more like an hour-glass thing. I still have to fight the thought of suicide, but it's not as strong. Just know there are other individual's that deal with the same thing. Remeber that if you die, you affect many people with that one action. Think of what it will do to your family, and if you have any close friend, what it will do to them. And all those kids who mock you, they will question why, and some will be derpessed for knowing that they could be part of the reason. There is no help that can be done from the internte. You can only hold on to what helps you through the day and ask for help from a proffesional.

My depression isnt due to my looks or personality. to be honest im not sure what the problem is. Sometimes, I don even care...I just want to die (girl from 08/16/04) ..Secret.. [image]http://wolf[/image]

There are good people out there really there are. People who wont exploit your current weakness or ever get bored of hearing your voice. Be brave and post up a pic for me?A little about my problems... i'm conventionally good looking but i don't even know my own face any more. it feels like im insane, thinking about stuff way too much.ok the best advice i could give if you're feeling down is to try and remembr back to the maternity ward when you were a baby. forget everything and for me, for a few seconds i feel human again.its like when you open your mouth to talk forget everything back to when you were a child.without any more info i can't really help. best of luck don't kill yourself. but doesn't it feel liberating i know how you feel. i SOMETIMES see myself jumping off a bridge andthinkg yer AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. but i doubt ill ever be the same man. good luck to you, its survival of the fitest so don't get left too far behind. enjoy current circumstances to your advantage. out. alex

sorry. don't have the facilities. sign up on a site called faceparty and write back with your username. Ill e-mail you my site

why don't you all register? it only takes a few minutes, and maybe then we can get to know one another better Also, to person who made this thread. Maybe you should go back to your old doctor. If it helped then, it couldn't hurt now right?

Yeah everybody register and post your usernames. Im the girl who suggested it and im already a member. Its wicked and it will be nice for us all to chat privitly.

lol you forgot to login

what?!?

Im not joined to this site! never got sent my password. Im talking about faceparty! :smirk:

if you would like to e-mail me at essamb.diver@virgin.net with the account name you setup, I will change the password and send it on to you.

So...has anybody joined up yet? (faceparty) what are your user names? x

Hi my name's Brandi, I'm the same way, except a girl. I've been to two mental hospitals for my problems and nothing has helped. So i have no advice except "you are not alone" i know, that doesnt help much, i've been told that before.....sorry i cant offer much. one thing that makes me happy is this, talking to other ppl like me.....maybe you should try it......hope you get better.
-Brandi

no emails allowed...sorry