Hi everyone,
Been struggling a bit with my partner for the past years, being that I'm still virgin, having only had outercourse (body humping or whatever it's called) and oral sex before, I was kinda hoping that I could loose it with the current partner with whom I already live with. The thing is, she feels a lot of pain as I'm trying to penetrate. She's not a virgin, and shared that she'd feel pain during sex before, alongside some trauma with her ex, so we had to take it slow. And so we did, I respected that and waited for her to feel comfortable and wanting to try it out. When she does, she winces and actually looks in a lot of pain so I don't push further, we stop, she apologizes and we decide to try a different condom, we try no condom (being that she's on the pill) and lately we tried several lubrification lotions (water based).
This is slowly making me feel that I'm the issue, for my lack of experience, and at the same time getting me a bit down psychologicaly.
Any inputs would surely help here.
Thanks.
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She feels pain during sex
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Welcome to A2A, Martin!
No, it's not your lack of experience. It's probably your partner's ex who is responsible. 'Some trauma' may well be 'a lot of trauma', and it has put your partner off sex at a subconscious level, so, although she wants to have sex with you, her body doesn't cooperate and her vagina unconsciously tightens and spasms in stress because of the past trauma.
Sometimes a lot of time, a lot of gentleness and a lot of patience is all that is needed, but I suspect in this case some professional help might be required.
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@Ineligible thank you for the input, I've been thinking about suggesting a therapist to help in that regard, we've been together for 6 years now and I try my best to be understanding and patient every day, sometimes I'm a bit down for thinking I might be the problem in some way. Thank you
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@MartinPin Six years is a fair while. May I applaud you for your understanding and patience. You are not the problem and your understanding and patience are just what your partner needs.
After six years, I am more sure than ever that professional help is needed.