Why?

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Looking at the fact its the first day of a new year, and I think, why struggle another year? Shit just keeps getting worse. I was out of town for the holidays and I had two panic (I guess?) attacks. Dad is trying, but is getting annoying. I'm tired of him. I almost wish he was back a total prick to me. Atleast that way I wouldn't have him wanting to talk to me all the time. My mom seems to bring up the cost of my pychiartrist once a day. I told her (pysch, not mom) that I think my mom doesn't know whats she doing with money. I dont know about any of my friends anymore. I'm turning against them. I dont know why. I think about sucide daily now. One hour Im fine, next I feel like shit.

I get that way too. One minute I want to kill myself and the next I will be fine, but it doesn't last long. I'm just counting down the days to when I will try to kill myself again. It probably won't be long. I can't take this crap much longer.

Both of you need to pull yourselves together. Yes life can suck sometimes, especially during your teenage years. Nobody said life was easy. I struggled with suicide all during my teenage years. I look back at those years now and just wonder what I was thinking trying to committ suicide...what I would've missed out on. Things DO get better. Life is precious. Be happy you're alive.

I know life is hard. I'm trying not to give up, but I just don't see things getting any better. I can't be glad that I'm alive. I don't want to kill myself and I know its the cowards way out, but I just don't think I handle things much longer. I wish things were is simple as u make it seem.

Things do get better. Everything in life has a way of working itself out eventually. It make take a while, but better things do come along. If you give up you'll miss out on a lot.

I can understand what your getting at Amanda, and I'm sure in many cases it's probably true.However....I first tried to kill myself almost 2 years ago. One of the reasons why I didn't was the exact reason you've mentioned, in that "things might get better...what might I miss out on?"This past year has been one of ups and downs. On the bright side, I met my first proper girlfriend and had my first "intimate experience" which was very good, but the heartache caused afterwards was too much, and I'd rather it not happened rather than having the good then the bad.Overall I feel that I wouldn't have missed anything had I killed myself, and now I'm finding it hard to justify not doing it again. I say to myself "whats the point of delaying it for another 2 years if the past have been as crappy as they have been?"This is the problem I'm facing at the moment.I'm trying to look at the new year as being a chance for new good things to happen, but I already know that I'm going to run into MAJOR financial problems in about a months time, and it's all downhill from there.Hmm

I hate the fact that I want to kill myself. I don't want to be this way. I keep trying to get help, but it doesn't seem to any good. I keep telling myself that I have something to live for and I do. My little brother is 6 and he's been following me around everywhere lately. He tells me I'm his best friend and he will even hug and kiss me. He doesn't do that with anyone else. Yesterday he told me that he loves me and I can't even say it back to a 6 year old. He gives me hope for the future. When I get really sad, I go play with him and things seem ok. But I don't understand why I keep going back to feeling this way. I hate this!

Screw the financial problems. That's not what you want focus on. Focus on yourself! It's only money and not life.

Obviously, your youger brother looks up to you and cares for you very much. Six-year-olds are very clever and just see life and people for what it is. Don't make life so complicated. Society has made life complicated. It's not your fault that times seem so difficult right now. It's all about how an individual can cope with it. Therapy never worked for me nor did meds. They just made me goofier. Sorry, but it's up to you in the long run. You can deal with it. All of us old farts have!

I wasn't violent for awhile, but today, I found it has came back. I dont know why. All of a sudden. I think it has to do with school. I'm always mind fucked when I have to go to school. Im going to tell my pych that when I go back next week. Is it normal to have a bunch of things you want to tell her? I have all these things I want to get out and tell her and see what she says about them.

Yes, it's very good that you have a lot of things you want to tell her. Write them down on a bit of paper and bring it with you, to make sure you don't forget anything.

I was thinking that, but wasn't sure about it. I will do it. Thanks

Yea, i hate this crap too. However me and my friend recently discovered death (I mean started taking it seriously) we would stay up until like 3 in the morning talking about death, religion and etc, and now i've become scared of death. However sometimes i get so f*ckin stressed with homework, chores, and life in general that it pushes me nearly to the edge. But i've always had self control and i tried to get in order. I got my grades up but not all and i'm still doing so-so in tests but i've increased everything else. But what actually got me from killing myself or mutilating myself is that 1:i've always though of mutialtion as dumb because i've never seen what good it'll do (you have your own opinions, i have mine) 2: I've always thought of life as precious. People kill themselves at the age of as early as 14. While other people are dying at the same age but mecause of medical complications and such.also someone said.... In reply to: I know its the cowards way out Way out of what exactly? No one has exact scientific proof that there is an afterlife. There have been things, but nothin so scientific that it would cause everyone to believe there is an afterlife and such. Because of this imagine if you did something like that and you've lost everything. No more things you love, loved ones or anything. Imagine if there is no afterlife and your short time of life has been reduced by many years and you can't do anything about it. Now yes STRESS is one of, if not the worst, feeling ever. It can cause you to do things you don't want to. Many people can't control things as well. We just have to try to have self control, and always think there will be a way out eventually, just not without such violence.

Listen, this month...might have been to this day last year, I attempted suicide. Wanna know why?? because i felt like nobody in this whole wide world cared about me. Broke up with my bf,grandmother choosing her husband over her kids(like always),mother a fucking heroine addict(and that all i've ever known her as in my 21years in this world),i'm not close to my sibilings(only one i'm close with lives in houston,@ that time i was in chicago, and not to mention she have her own problems to deal with), and last but mos def not least my own father tried to sexually assault me(a grown ass 20 year old woman). I swallowed a whole bunch of sleeping pills and laid down. As i was lying there I started to question myself "are you really ready to die"?, "Is this how you wanna be remembered"? "you just go let this shitty ass world take control of you"? I answered myself quick fast and in a hurry because the pills that i took was egging me to close my eyes. I didn't wanna die, i refuse to let my family situation and the world get the best of me. When i told my oldest brother what i did, he rushed be to the hospital and thankful i made it and that night i also made a conscience decision to change the things i can change and forget about the rest. I can't help i was born into a fucked up family or i went through some fucked up shit in my life, but what i can do is show these people and myself that i am worth living and that i have a purpose, i may not know what it is now, but i have a purpose.Plus, i was thinking damn!! you wasn't even going to give yourself some party years(joke).But the feelings you have are feelings that everyone experience at least once in their life time. Remember:Trouble don't last always.