Mine seems to get worse. I was supposed to work with my father today, but I was up all night. One thought in mind. "How will I fuck up in my fathers eyes today".. I cant do anything right to him. Even if I do something right, their is always something I could have done better. He has never told me 'You did a good job' .. its always 'it looks okay, except you could have done this ...blah blah' .. Im tired of it. I keep trying to pull my head up and keep this phrase in mind 'My dad is a total prick, so what do I care what he thinks'. Im going to get bitched at tonight. He will be all pissed off cause I didnt go. What am I supposed to do? Attempt working on no sleep? Thats real safe. I dont know. I dont know what to do. Plus, if I say anything, he starts playing the 'bad ass card' .. Whats he think he is going to do? Hit a 17 year old? Thats just stupid. Violence solves nothing. Besides, wouldn't he be surprised when I blocked it and threw a defense hit to his throat. Something I learned, just incase. He doesnt know anything about my life. He doesnt even know any of my friends. He doesnt even know my bestfriends name. Yet, I've introduced him and been friends for 4 years. If this doesnt make sense, Im sorry. Im a bit upset, but Im keeping my head up.. For now.. because.. he is just a prick anyways.A song by Three Days Grace describes my feelings exactly. So I thought I would post the part that makes the most sense to me..."I'll be coming homejust to be alone'Cause I know you're not thereAnd I know that you don't careI can hardly wait to leave this placeNo matter how hard I tryYou're never satisfiedThis is not a homeI think I'm better off aloneYou always disappearEven when you're hereThis is not my homeI think I'm better off aloneHome, home, this house is not a home, homeThis house is not a homeBy the time you come homeI'm already stonedYou turn off the tvAnd you scream at meI can hardly waittill you get off my case"I only try to be home when my dad isn't, but its hard to. It feels like I dont have a relationship with him at all. I've tryed. I've put fourth effort, to let him know whats happening in my life, but he doesnt listen. and yes, when I find out he will be home shortly, I do get stoned. I get really stoned. Just so I keep my head up.Im sorry. This is long. I just.. I need to vent before I blow up.Hope you all have a wonderful day!
Hey man i go some of the same shit you do, i never know if its good enough and always worry about how i did if it comes to working with my father. Hell even with mowing the lawn, when i was done my dad would look outside and find the tiniest thing i did wrong and tell me to fix it.... i just try to deal with it and espcally when it comes to sports he does that shit to. It sucks