It refects upon YOU

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Hi Everyone!! Did you know that when YOU criticize someone - it reflects negatively upon YOUR character? If someone makes a spelling mistake [for instance] and/or their grammar is not quite up to YOUR 'standard' - be the better person you THINK you are - and keep your criticisms to yourself. To criticize is to bully - and ATA is a 'bully-free' zone. Be nice. Even IF it hurts. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

hug Very true Craig.

To criticize is to bully - and ATA is a 'bully-free' zone. It is?? Or do you mean "it should be"... unfortunately it's not.

you cant always be nice and tip toe round the subject to get your point across, sometimes people are 'nasty' but probably more in a sarcastic way which people take the wrong way..i doubt anyway really goes out to 'bully' people

_i doubt anyway really goes out to 'bully' people _

You think so? I don't agree.

not really to bully people, people act like assholes, but for me personally i can recognise that from a mile away

Hi mazkat!! I don't agree. I ALWAYS get my point across and NEVER make someone feel less than when doing so. [at least that is always my goal] Many of us make the mistake of assuming that bullying is obvious. But most of the time it's not. In fact - bullying is often very subtle. Sometimes - a person is unaware of the fact that they have been bullied until much later. They start to feel uncomfortable inside and may become either hurt and/or angry at someone - and not really know why. Often it's because they were bullied. [put down, ridiculed, made fun of and/or mocked] Much of what makes sarcasm effective is body language and tone of voice. Both of which can not be expressed within the written text. Sarcasm should be avoided when talking to someone we do not know. More often than not - sarcasm to a stranger is interpreted as something mean-spirited and is rarely appreciated. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

Hi sdp!! I hope you're OK. With all due respect - just as a teacher is responsible for inappropriate behavior in a school - a message board moderator is responsible for inappropriate behavior on a message board. When mean-spirited messages are allowed to remain on a 'board' - it creates an impression that the 'board' is OK with bullying and that serves to encourage those who like to bully. A line in the sand has to be drawn - and only a moderator can do that. A recent topic thread expresses the desire of many to get back to the way ATA WAS in the beginning. What they are really pining for is when ATA did NOT permit mean-spirited messages. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

i kind of disagree, i mean this is an internet forum not the school playground...i mean some people can be harsh, but generally you do get people like that on the internet, better ignore them and move on rather than actually get their attentionalso sarcasm is just some peoples humour, i think were taking life a bit seriously, dont you?

But when someone is constantly attacking people, and causing unneeded hardship it should be allowed? Sure there will always be rudeness, you cannot stop it all. but if its 1 or 2 people that seem to always be causines issues on the forum, they should be delt with. I think that's kind of what Craig was trying to say.(Please correct me if I am wrong Craig lol)

Do you mean ReafKa?

Hi mazcat!! IF this message board was about cars or hockey - I would tend to agree with you. But it's not. This board is for people who are AFRAID to ask [personal] questions. And more often than not - WHY some people are afraid to ask is because they have been [or fear being] made fun of. ATA is the last place that anyone should have to worry about being mocked and/or ridiculed for asking questions that they would not ask anywhere else. ATA must be held up to a higher standard.GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

well if its causing such a problem why arent these people banned?
personally im not quite sure who you are talking about, im not saying your wrong at all but i just dont know who you mean..?

^^i wouldnt go as far to say reafka bullies anyone on this forum, not in his posts

Hi NtroducingMyself!! :smile:

YES - basically that's what I'm saying. ATA must regain [I was here at the beginning - don't forget] the reputation of being a safe place to ask questions. If and when the not-so-nice are allowed to go on abusing people [and it should be stopped at 'abusive message number ONE'] it sullies ATA's reputation and creates an unwelcoming atmosphere.

GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!! :smile:

I'd worry even more about the pedophiles and perverts, but that's just my opinion.

I looked up some threads from 1 1/2 years ago, and the yelling and screaming and flaming looked pretty much the same to me. There were religious arguments. There was name-calling. There was yelling and screaming. How far back do you have to go to find when it was "good"?

I hear what you are saying. Although we would all like to discourage attacks, it was my understanding, as directed from the owner of the board, that members are allowed to free speech. Unless someone goes to extremes, it's up to other members to deal with it.

Hi SteveA!! I joined ATA in October of 2000 - just over 5 years ago. If memory serves - very little in the way of inappropriate [i.e. mean-spirited messages] were allowed to remain on the board back then. I'm not trying to suggest that ATA is a horrible place - not at all. It just needs to become [once again?] more pro-active insofar as letting it be known that mean-spirited messages will NOT be permitted. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

Hi sdp!! Arguing against an opinion is 'free speech'. Attacking a person is abuse. I'm sure the owner's of ATA were not suggesting that it was OK with them that some of ATA's members abuse other members. It's not an easy thing to deal with. I understand that. And I'm certainly not waving my finger in your face in an attempt to shame you. [or anything like that] It's not always easy to figure out where - exactly - the 'line in the sand' is. As an owner/moderator of several message boards - I struggle with this very issue on a daily basis. Some messages obviously cross the line. But it's those that aren't so obvious [and that might cause just as much - if not more - harm] that we have to worry about. GREAT BIG HUGCraig!!

What do you think about a 14-year-old asking for advice on better sex, but being attacked for having sex at his age (likely) or her age (even more likely)? Is that kind of judging among your concerns?

In your scenario there is a polite way to answer. You give the advice he/she asks. Than you say, politely, that at his/her age that sex is too responsible them etc etc etc and list all the reason and reprocussions that can result in having sex.Certainly a better response than "WTF!! You're 14 years old and having sex, are you crazy! You're to young for that"Sometimes it's just picking the right word choice for the discussion that's going to set the mood for how the OP will respond back, not to mention also how others will respond as well.