i've thought about it a lot. Like for today, i was supposed to go to uni earlyin the morning, but i didnt want to take the first class and then thought about taking the second. But instead i went to a friend's place, they are living together and in a very good relationship; it was fun, we went shopping, ate a lot, chatted and laughed. But at the end of the day, i had to come home and the same stuff. Trying to find the existance of meself and losing yourself. Every time it happens, though in a middle of people and when i laugh until tars roll out of my eyes, a sudden shrug deep down inside meself makes me cry my sorrows outta meself. I'm lonely, stopped going to gym and i'm afraid i'm gaining weight and i have a very high blood pressure though i'm only 23. I'm scared.
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Suicidal thoughts
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You need to get back into the gym and create some kind of routine. Keep yourself busy and do things that makes you feel good about yourself. I like to learn new things and pay attention to my body when I'm really depressed. Start cooking yourself healthy meals, go out to the gym, maybe even go out for a massage. Try to stay in a place around people too. Every once in a while, I like to go to a bookstore find a book I like and sit in the coffee shop and just read it. After a few trips I can read the whole book without paying for it and usually the books I read helps me learn something new. Hope this helps
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thanx for such a supporting reply. I'm kinda well today again, though i have heaps of assignments and tests, that i havent even touched, and had a stressing work day, feel good now. Must be some kinda moon effect that makes me depressed, but hey! what can we do ha! it's a part of our life and got to hang on. have fun. cheers
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All kinds of things can build up stress which can lead to being depressed. Learning to realize when you need a short break can prevent overloading (taking a short break can mean going somewhere to sit and breath deeply for 5 minutes). Learning your limits will be very helpful in the future.Good to hear your back on your feet again. Don't forget to stop by every once in a while.
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hi, i was browsing through the internet when i found this site and i wanted some opinions/answers/anything. I'm 13 years old and my friends are punks who love punk music and they wear black all the time. I usually wear black coz the colour sooths me and reminds me of my self. Many of my classmates say that im depressed and all. Although i act all cheery and nice to them (i bully some though) I cant help but feel to try and get the attention of my friends rather than my classmates. I find it funny to cut myself(shallow) and i like seeing the blood. Everyone in school thinks that im sadistic, but i'm only trying to gain their attention, though somehow, my actions have actually turned 'fun' for me. I keep telling my friends that im goin to commit suicide and they're all "ya sure, watever".
Right now, i have taken about 30 CVS pills and im continuing. Also, I've tried to slit my wrists but stopped before more blood could come out. Its not that im trying to gain my frieds' attention now, i also want to do it for myself. Im sick and tired of my life. my dad is always drunk and shouts at me all the time. My first stepmother always abused me physically and my dad never noticed for the 8 years of my life until i told him. He filed a divorce, even though they were not legally married. My dad never cared about me then, never bothered to talk to me, only gave me material needs. When my stepmother was there, i was not allowed to eat unless told and sometimes, she would starve me. So when i was left alone with all the food, i started eating. Of course, i became fatter and fatter. In my old school, a puclic one, i never had friends because they all thought that my life was complicated and i was a freak. However, when i was transferred to an international school, a lot of my classmates looked so naive and i didnt tell them my history. Last year, my best friend, left the country because of his fathers' job, so i decided that there was no more reason to hide it the the rest of the class. So i told everyone and they all thought that i was just trying to gain their attention, which i was partly doing. now, my father has to transfer me to another school because he cannot afford my current school. I was really heartbroken when he told me so i tried to search for schools with the same schedule as mine so that i wouldnt have a hard time with the schedule changes. I couldnt find any school, so they searched private schools, which have the school year of June-April, instead of August-May. I have an entrance exam coming up which i didnt know until today. tomorrow is my last day of school so i am trying to die today. i started living as a member of my school and i will die that way. Also, i cant take the way my dad treats me anymore. He says that he hates me, wishes that he had a different daughter, and hoped that i was never born. Though i dont care because i hate him too, he drives the people in the house who actually keeps me sane. He always complains that I never smile around him or how ungrateful i am, which i actually am. I know that my friends dont care about me and my dad wants me to die and so does the rest of the family. However, when I try to slit my wrists, i start to feel the pain when the numbness from the ice is gone and i find only a shallow cut. Does anyone know any easier way other than takin pills? -
You've had a terrible time, Anonymous. But there are ways to make things a bit better now, and they will get better still as you get older. Eventually you'll escape into the real world from the hellish one you're in.You have been having trouble relating to other people at school - they don't understand what you are really feeling. Your new school will be an opportunity to start again and make some real friends, instead of mere acquaintances. Remember that to be friends with people means to be honest and open with them, even if that is a bit scary and makes you vulnerable, and also to be interested in them. It's easy, when your own life is so terrible, to be so wrapped up in it that you don't think much about other people, whose lives seem easier. But they have their own troubles, and helping listen to them, and give them attention, is helpful for you too. We tend to get treated the way we treat others (not absolutely, but at least to some degree). And it helps make us feel better to listen and help others.Your father certainly seems a difficult man. However, he is also human. If you try to look at things from his point of view, and try to meet him halfway, you might find things get a bit better between you. You don't have to like him, but you should still try to see how things look from his shoes. I've found that a very useful thing to do. Being a little more smiling in his presene, even though it's acting and it's an effort and insincere, might help a lot.Eventually you'll escape all this. Remember that, and live for it.
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thanx for the support. Unfortunately for me, i threw up for the whole night, meaning my attempt failed. But i did get to see what death looked liked and i liked what i saw.
I wouldnt want to make friends in my new school because i know that everyone is just putting on an act in front of others. Its basic life, all humans are hypocrites. Besides, it would mean my downfall if i opened up to people. I know what my dad thinks and I'm alright with it, but he doesnt have to make my life more miserable than it already is. But there is one advantage with the changing schools thing, there is no one there who personally knows me so i can give them the impression that i want to give: Fuck off, leave me alone{sorry if we're not supposed to swear}. I just want my life to end, is that such a crime? I spend most my time dealing with stressful school which i know will get harder, and dealing with my friends' problems because they say, "I'm the only one who understands them." I've seen their everday life and all, and I know one thing...they've never experienced what i have. -
HUGS N CUDDLES::I dedicate the song HOLD ON by GOOD CHARLOTTE to you.
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Yes, people present an outside to the world that is different from what they are really like inside. But there are real people inside, and that is why friendship is important, because, little by little, you allow each other to see some of the reality - and you find it's much deeper than the shallow mask. Reality is complex and unexpected and, yes, sometimes dangerous. Real life is risky, and you do get hurt. But it's worth it.Don't worry about the language here, you can say whatever you like.No, other people haven't experienced what you have. But they have their own experiences, and their own perspectives and insights. They have had an easier life than you, but that's no reason to hold them in contempt. They have a lot you can learn from, and enrich yourself from. Try to avoid envy - it's natural, but it doesn't help you.
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i know all that already. i tell that to my friends all the time, which is one thing i dont like about them. they treat people who cut themselves or want to commit suicide like freaks. I tell them that everyone has a 'freak' inside them that makes them different. Its up to other people to call that either a gift or a freak feature. there's no helping it though. Unfortunately, I have been hospitalized and pretty much threw up all 75 CVS pills, and my wrists have stopped bleeding. Lol, one more thing: I HATE Good Charlotte because of that song {Hold On}, sorry if i offended you [not]