Does my mom know about me?

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I was with a friend, talking about gay stuff for some reason, and then I realized, I think my mom might realize I'm gay/bi/whatever the hell I am.

About a year ago, she caught me looking at gay porn. She was like, "I understand if you were just curious about sex, but Sean... that was a guy." As far as I know, I was able to convince her that it was just a popup ad...

Then when I bought Mean Girls, she was a little confused, asking if I bought it for myself or my sister...

Every year, for several years now, she's been buying me a car calendar (I'm a car freak); I guess it's her tradition or something. But this year, just out of the blue, she bought me a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model calendar. (Come to think of it, I don't know where I even put it haha.) She then said she'd get me a Lindsay Lohan one instead if I wanted. Cars weren't an option...

And oh yeah, when we argue about religious stuff, I bring up the way the Catholic church treats gays. I try to keep it a side story, but maybe I do a bad job...

Anyway, my friend says it sounds like she knows. But I feel like if she did, she surely would have booted me by now- she's extremely anti-gay. And if she were accepting, she wouldn't continue to make nasty comments about gays either. I know you guys don't know my mom personally, but... what do you think? What should I do?!

You're over 18. It's up to you. If your mom is hostile toward gays, you need to decide how badly you want to live at home. If you have to live at home, then you should just avoid the subject. Just thank her for whatever calendar she gets you, and set it aside, if you don't like it.I saw Mean Girls. Do I need to do some introspecting?

I am involved in a simular circumstance as you. One of my closest friends, son, admitted to me a couple of years ago he was gay (hes nearly 17 now) and i helped him to work through the issues and who he was etc. Now, i spend a lot of time with his mum, at least a couple of times a week, and it wasn't my place to tell her what i knew, so i didn't, i knew he would end up telling her when the time was right for her. Ok thats enough background.At the beginning of the week, my freind was collared by a busy body in the village who asked her, if her son was gay as she had heard, my friend said it was none of her business etc. Anyway as she was telling me the story yesterday, i told her that i had known he was for the last couple of years, and she laughed and said she had been expecting me to bring it up.Anyway, my point (eventually) is that she had had her suspicions since he had been about 12, and his behavior had kinda reenforced her views as he got older, so, i think you mum probably has an idea that you might be, as parents we know our children, sometimes better than they know themselves. In your moms case, im not sure she is dealing with it, because of her religious beliefs, and buying you the calendar etc is an obvious way of her saying "like girls please" However, if thats not you, it isn't you, and you don't need to get into this with your mom yet, until you are ready, and more importantly she is. Has she always been anti-gay? the reason i am asking is that maybe, you being gay freaks her out way too much and she doesn't feel like she can face it, so, she will gay bash in a vein hope that knowing her feelings will change your mind. just a thought.As for her knowing and kicking you out, ok putting myself in that position, I think you mom loves you, and will not face up to your sexuality because if she does she may have to make a decision, for example kick you out, and she doesn't want to lose you........so ignorance is bliss in her case, if she ignores it, things will stay the same.And as for the anti-gay stuff, if 'something' were forcing you into a position as a parent (as she sees it) that would mean you disowning your own son because of it, woudln't you hate it too?

My mom has always been anti-gay. She just does whatever the church tells her to do. It's so fucked up because it's like financially, I HAVE to live with her until I can afford to live on my own, but spiritually I'm being suffocated, and I can't possible be myself here or feel what I really feel. She hates me for being Christian. I can't dress the way I want, at least not if she's gonna see me. (If I want to wear my low-rise, tight jeans, I've basically gotta sneak out of the house.) I can't watch TV shows I like (such as Degrassi) unless I'm home alone, which is rare. I have to keep my nude modeling a complete secret, because she'd assume anything nude is porn, even though Tyra Banks herself says you've gotta be willing to do nudes if you want to be taken seriously. (Yes, I'm finally an actual model like my name has said foerever...)I live a total lie every day. I hate her. I seriously wish she would die so I could live my life; I'm not even joking. I know it sounds cruel, but you guys don't know half of what she's done to me. She's made permanent problems for me in my life, and she keeps doing it, because all she cares about is herself and the pope. I wish I could afford to get the hell out and never have to see her dumb ass again. It's gotten to the point where even hearing her speak irritates me. Yeah, I know... I need help haha. But she refuses to let me see a therapist either. She urges me to, then says it will happen, but it doesn't. I don't know how to end this, so I"m just done.

We actually had to watch Mean Girls for English Compostion I when we were discussing the public school system, we were assigned to watch it on our own since I never pay for any media, I downloaded it on Limewire.I thought it was gonna be some chick flick but I found it mildly entertaining.

This will NOT be a popular response...

Quit your bitching and move out. You are upset because you think your Mom won't let you be who you are. I get that. Well...maybe you need to let your Mom be who she is. It sounds to me like you're an 18 year old kid who is seriously over-reacting to your Mom's morals which you don't like. We all do that. Granted, not everyone may have morals so far removed from their parents as you do. But it happens to all of us. Personally, I don't think your mom would kick you out for being gay. Sounds like she knows it anyway. Plus, the whole gay thing has up to this point been a philosophical/religious/moral type issue. Now it's a personal thing cause you are her son. Would she kick you out if she found out you were banging Lindsey Logan on a regular basis, which I'm sure she believes is a sin. Probably not.

Bottom line...If your Mom has strong feelings about what you are doing and thinks it is sinful, YET she allows you to live with her because you are her son, you should be damned thankful to have such a loving mother. None of us like everything our moms or dads do. But you won't always get to live with her for free. Decide if you want to continue to do so or if you're willing to put your money where your mouth is and move out. If not, shut up and suck it up.

I know that sounds harsh and I really do understand where you're coming from, but I think you need to be fair to your Mom and understand things from her perspective.

Okay wise-ass, you clearly don't know my mom. You don't know how easily I'd get kicked out. When she caught me looking at the porn, she said she'd immediately kick me out if she caught me even one more time. And that was the first time she had caught me. (But she admits she used to look at it, so of course it's okay for her.)You don't know what kind of shit she's put me through either. I'm pretty damn sure you weren't shipped off to a real-life version of George Orwell's 1984. So shut the fuck up. Oh yeah, and about "just moving out:" I don't live in cheap-ass Kentucky where anyone can afford shit. This is California, with a really bad economy and severe inflation. We have a slightly higher minimum wage, but our bills are a hell of a lot higher than yours. It's basically impossible for me to afford EVERYTHING for myself while putting myself through college. I can barely afford clothing, let alone insurance/medical/shit like that. Oh yeah, that reminds me- I have some medical problems (some of which my mom literally gave me) which have yet to be resolved. That would cost me a shitload of money right there. But thanks for the help...

If you work for Starbucks (for instance) for 20 or more hours a week, you'll get health insurance. Not everyone in California lives with a parent, so there must be a way to do it. Are you going to a CA state school, and getting in-state tuition? Have you applied for every possible scholarship that you might qualify for? Would you be willing to live with a roommate?

It sounds like you're about ready to dispatch your mom. That would not be cool, no matter how bad she is. Even if you make enough money working while carrying a full course load, it would be worth it.

The only alternative, as I said, is to suck it in and not pay attention to your mom, if you're going to continue to live at her house.

didn't the kids used to run away and join the circus or something when they wanted to split from home?

The circus was largely in books. But it used to be a lot easier to get jobs without much in the way of educational qualifications, and work your way up. Nowadays most unskilled or semiskilled jobs don't lead to much higher.However the Starbucks option is well worth considering as a way of paying one's way through college.

> Even if you make enough money working while carrying a full course load, it would be worth it.

I was having trouble with the English language last night. That sentence made no sense. What I was trying to say is that, even if you can't carry a full course load, but working gets you out of the house, it would still be worth it. You might have to spend an extra semester or year in college, but you'll get to keep your sanity.

Im sorry! you wish your mother would die????? nice. If you are "yay im a model" rolls eyes then move out, get your own place, and stand on your own too feet without sponging of someone you apparently hate..........she doesn't have to die so you can get a life, you have to get some balls for you to live your life............go out get a job, pay your way, get out and live your own life, and stop moaning..

No, I don't know your Mom or what's going on beyond what you have shared with us.But this is what I do know: You are apparently an adult living in HER house, eating HER food, living on HER income. That gives HER the right to expect you to live by HER rules. If you don't like it, you have two options. 1) Shut up and deal with it because you're getting a really good deal. It's not cheap for her either. 2) Move out. Your choice. Many have done it. And by the way, don't ask questions if you don't want answers.

Fuck Starbucks. I tried applying there and on the application they ask me to write an essay on what I loved about coffee, so I bullshitted wrote how I loved to taste the exotic delicate flavors of each blend and how the aroma enticed me and all that shit.

I call back and ask about my application, I get an interview and and the end the girl tells me "Sorry but I don't really feel you genuinely appreciate coffee"

Damien, don't forget that children growing up have effectively no choice. While most parents try to be good parents and, though they may fail sometimes, they are still much better than any alternative, it remains true that there are some parents that are so bad, so emotionally abusive, so neglectful, that they do lasting serious damage. In that case all one can do is get out when one can. However, while once upon a time you could leave home at 14, work as an office boy and gradually make your way up the ladder if you were good enough, that's now no longer possible. So people in that situation have to weigh up which option is least damaging, in a situation where neither is good.And there's the difficulty in changing, in turning away from the status quo. That always requires a little courage, but it can need a lot more if the way you have been brought up has been designed to quash all initiative and self-esteem.I don't know how much of this is relevant to bi_model. But there certainly are people in this sort of bind.And nice story, white_lines.

haha! Thats quite funny in a fucked up way... do all starbucks employees have a caffeine addiction?!

I would take that story with a James-Frey-size grain of salt.

I know steve, it still gave me a giggle. Even if it wasn't real I thought it was kinda funny :grin: the salt thing made me laugh too. I guess I'm easy tonight (to make laugh..) :grin:

Yeah, I get that Ineligible. And I really don't mean to give the kid a hard time. I actually kind of understand. But at the same time, I've come in contact with a lot of kids his age over the past few years that would give their right arm for the options he has. I guess it is partially a matter of perspective.

It sounds like your mom knows and she's trying to get you away from it.