Snooping parents (?)

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I came home today and found that my beside drawer was open. This had happened to me a few days back. The last time I thought I might have been a bit careless and left it open, but this time I'm sure I had shut it when I last opened it.This drawer has quite a few private items (journal, letters to/from my gf, condoms, chocolate body paint, lube etc...). I don't really mind about my parents knowing about these things (except for my journal if they read it). However the invasion of my privacy I can't stand.Previously I had always thought that my drawers were mine and my family respected that. I'm sure my mum would, however now I'm not so sure about my mum's husband, Joe (I'd rather not have step-DAD or step-FATHER in a sentence describing our relationship, or lack there of). A couple of years ago I was confronted by them asking if they knew if my step brother was doing pot. I later found out that he had it hidden in his room and Joe found it.I don't particularly want to confront anyone over this, but I would like it to stop. I can't be sure it is Joe, as I have a step brother my age and a younger sister.All I've done so far is put some paper on top of everything in my drawer reading "FUCK OFF - respect my privacy".I'd appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with this issue.

Im guessign there just looking for pot and cigerettes of that sort.. as my parents said they didnt snoop but they kept there eyes open.. ex. if my mom was cleaning my room and smelled old cigerettes or something she would open the box or w/e smelled.. but i'd confront your parents about it.

Well my step brother (18, same as me) smokes openly in front of them, and they know I'm definately anti cigarettes and any drugs. I have serious issues with Joe, if it is him I think he may be leaving the drawer open on purpose. Shutting the drawer is a pretty obvious thing to do if you don't want to be found out. The arsehole is trying to play mind games with me.

Yah exactly... so im not sure

Deal with it.
You live in their house, not yours, they pay the bills and support you and have the right to make their own rules about what goes on and doesn't in their own house.
The journal, thats more private. I would be pissy about that and I wouldn't be too happy about the search to Begin with but what is there to confront about? You want absolute privacy? move out. When you pay the bills and are the house hold head you can make the rules. the fact your 18 doesn't mean a damned thing since its their house.
The journal I would stash someplace better. small soft journal?
Id drop that bitch in the heater vent. under the bottom drawer of your dresser isn't too bad. if it is found there put it in a plastic bag and tape it to the bottom of the drawer. The letters too. Personal shit is personal and I would try to keep it personal but when you live in someone Else's house your privacy isn't yours.

Hahaha. I just read my post and it sounds like I'm talking about myself. Joe is neither my, nor my mum's husband's name. I just rather not use our real ones.

I disagree. It's my mum's house and I know she wouldn't condone any snooping. I don't want to have to hide my journal as I want to be able to access it easily.I'm just apprehensive about confronting anyone, because firstly I don't know for sure who it is and secondly it's going to be awkward because of the type of stuff I keep in there.

It may well be her house but if hes her husband and is paying his share and making decisions that affect the household as a whole it still has to do with his rules.Confront is a strong word and I would forget about any confronting.Talk to your mom, tell her someone is going through your stuff and that you don't like it and wish it would stop.Tell her that if she is worried about drugs or something and is the one doing it that she can look around if she would like you just wish you were there when she did it.That conversation put me back in charge when I was in school living at home.Of course i had 3 pot plants in a closet lined with tin foil and grow lights that had they actually taken me up on my offer I would have been busted, but the fact I offered and only asked that I was there when it was done ended all that searching period.Don't confront her!, talk to her and explain why it bothers you and why you want it to stop. If it is her house and he moved in then mom is the one to talk to about it and not him.make any sense?its all attitude when you deal with people, a positive helpful attitude is going to take you alot further then a confronting pissed off attitude.

Yea, that sounds like a good idea. I don't think she is concerned about anything, but getting her to talk to her husband would be good. I'll get around to it some time tonight. edit Oh yeah, thanks!

Just remember to be nice, show your not hiding anything that you jsut want to have atleast some sense of privacy. Its important to convey the exact results your seeking and if it gets into a battle of any sort then offer up some shit you want that you dont really care about.If you and I are negotiating a contract for work and your asking for 10 things, Im not going to give you all of them so you would be asking for some minor bullshit things that you know Im not going to say yes to.now you offer wel if you give me the first 6 things, Ill work for a dollar less an hour and forget the last 4 items.get it?you may not get everything you want to be ready to make concessions if need be and ask for things you really do not want so that you have something to give should it turn into an argument instead of a polite conversation about your feelings and what privacy you have in the house.

thats the one thing i really hate living with parents - them not respecting privacy. because my mum is a clean freak she just tidies my room spotless without asking me which i find very annoying, my parents have found cigarettes and weed when i was doing that, although i dont anymore..probably also diaries etc..i dont know what you should do, i guess i just tend to hide stuff which doesnt even help anyways..if you know it is your parents you could ask them for more personal space, i know i have and it didnt work lol..blah i dont know, parents are just annoying..cant wait to move out in a way..

I think my mum and I will be on the same page, so I won't need to worry about negotiating. There is a lot of history between me and her husband. It would take pages and pages to explain, but in short my mum and him have differing parenting techniques.

I agree with you 100%. It is your mothers house, therefore your mother and her husband should have the right to go anywhere in the house. I know it sounds rude, but its true. I get pissed off when my parents go through my stuff.. but it's in their house. Now if i'm trying to hide something I hide it in my car. If you don't have a car.. you might want to be more discreet with where you hide your stuff

Firstly id try to make sure i was 110% sure that i wasn't leaving the drawer open, i leave things a certain way then when i get back i forgot i did it.I like your FUCK OFF sign its a simple idea and it lets people know that your suspect.I imagine you have a cameraphone dont you? Take a pic of your possessions in your drawer the last time you went in there. When you suspect someones been in there, drawer left open or not you'll be able to compair how it looks compaired to your pic on your phone, just be careful to close the drawer carefully or you could move stuff accidentally.This should confirm 100% that stuff is going on.If you REALLY wanted to catch the culprit and your PC is in your room get a webcam that dectects movement. Ultimately its not your house and your parent(s) can snoop if they want. You could move your Diary or get a diary lock (if such a creation exists) to stop looking into it...

I've been talking to my mum, she agrees it's not on for anyone to snoop through my stuff (it's her house, not her husband's at all, so she makes the rules). She's going to talk to him when he gets home to see if it was him. If not she going to ask my step-brother and then my sister.

3 words: GET A SAFE

lol Before I got to your note part I was going to suggest a note. But It was more like, Please don't snoop through my stuff. I understand that you are only trying to make sure I'm not screwing up but it really bothers me to have you in my stuff. I'm not on drugs or whatever, and you can ask me about stuff too.Or something to that affect. It'll be more likely to help you that that F' off stuff.And while I wouldn't think to snoop through my kids stuff I am a parent.

It turned out that it was my mum's husband. She had a chat to him apparently and he got a telling off. He didn't even say hi to me when I got home today.

Way to go Mom! :grin:

Yea my mum rocks. Well except for her choice in men.