WHY THE F*** AM I SO TORMENTED?

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i used to feel happy just in GENERAL, for no specific reason, i was just happy to be. thats when i had friends, and went to school. thats when i still felt pleasure and happy at times. but now i feel alone and in constant pain because of how ive become and the things ive discovered about the world. more so because of how unfair life is and how im treated. and i know if im treated this way there must be others who are as well, and that makes me sick to my stomach. im alone in this world. i have no friends, i have no girlfriend, and the ones ive had ended up treating me like SHIT in the end. with love as important as it is to me this is devastating. it makes me feel like something is wrong with who i am. im too depressed to have the energy or will to persue career oriented goals, i just dont see the point. life is too painful, its not worth it. and with that, im worthless to the world, because i dont serve others as they would like. ignorance truly is bliss. as things are now, im miserable. im gonna see if my life changes in a year, but if it doesnt ill be 18.. then ill be able to buy a gun, and wait till i get pushed over that edge. i used to be so nice until i realized that isnt what this world values, bein nice only gets you used, taken advantage of, and left in the dust. i cant go one day without clutching my head in my hands and wondering why the world is so cruel and fucked up. all i am isnt worth shit to people in this world so i say fuck it. im sick of life and all the pain it entales. i want to die and relieve myself of this misery.

To all those who think im crazy for wanting to die.. you dont live my life, so shut the fuck up. stop tryin to act like youre all high and mighty for stickin through life, cuz youre just livin in an ignorant bliss. when you see the world for what it truly is without deluding yourself, you see its alot uglier than youde imagined. everyone is selfish in everything they do. everyone is only lookin out for #1. for example, people who give to charity, thats not because theyre selfless angels, they do it cuz it makes THEM feel whole and good about themselves. that or, in another instance, one might do it cuz his family is religious and pressures him into it. in which case it'd be easier on HIM to just donate to avoid the subsequent guilt if he hadnt. its the same FOR PEOPLE WHO STICK THROUGH LIFE cuz they would feel guilty or weak for killing themselves. you are no different. at this point, its easier for you to just live, because by living and believing youre doing something right, you can feel better about yourself regardless of whether or not youre still livin in the same hellhole that brought you to contemplate suicide in the first place. people always do what is easiest to THEM. thats why murders happen, there are 2 kinds.. one is the seriel killer, who ENJOYS killing.. thats selfish for obvious reasons. but what about the one who kills because someone has caused such a level of pain to him it becomes unbearable? he decides it would be easier on HIM for that person to not exist, so he tries to make it happen. everyone is only looking out for themselves in this world, and if they happen to benefit others as they do it, then lucky them. but you cant look down on those you think are selfish just 'cause then dont serve YOU in some way; you selfish, ignorant bastard. when i go, dont say i was selfish for causin pain to my family, for it is selfish of them to want to make me suffer through a life of constant pain and torment for their own peace of mind.

ya know, Id like to put something here to make shit all OK, but really what the fuck can I say?your the one who has to live your life, for good or for ill.I can feed ya the usual bullshit of how there is someone for everyone and its all OK in the end, and it gets better and blah blah blah, but I think if you wanted smoke blown up your ass, you'd be in the parlor with a pack off Lucky's and a short length of garden hose so I'll tell ya this instead.life is what you make it, for good or for ill its what you do with it that makes it good or a pile of shit.look at your attitude towards people and the image you portray, maybe thats why you have no friends ?with a shitty outlook and attitude, who the fuck wants to be around you and be brought down all the time ?noone makes you happy but you and if your not happy alone then your not satisfied with who and what you are.change yourself, with a better attitude comes the lovers, with a better attitude comes the better job offers, with a better outlook thats when people are attracted to you and want to be around you, thats where the friends come in and the people that call and want to hang out and the good times. noone want to be around someone who makes them feel like shit themselves. anyone can have a bad time and get down on themselves and think of life as shit. Its when you let that stay as the only attitude you have. most shit is never as bad as the person makes it out to be, you want friends and a lover and all the things that everyone else has and your desperately seeking?look at why you don't have them, look at who you are and work on yourself instead of hating everyone who's gotten what you wanted.its your fucking attitude that determines your life, like I said up there, it about what you make it for good or for ill. The short answer is your tormented because you torment yourself, we are our own worst critics.

well, from your post i can guess youre suffering very much from depression. I suggest you go to a doctor about that, buddy. The key to making friends is being happy and outgoing. Making friends when people have the impression you just think life sucks is a very bad way to do it. Until I was in 9th grade, I was totally antisocial. Did not talk to anyone, didn't have a girlfriend, nothing. So you could say I can relate. The change happened when I started going out of my way and talking to people. That's all it takes. Talk to people, be happy, before you know it, you'll know a bunch of people. As for the girlfriend thing, same thing, go out, talk to women, get to know them, and who knows, maybe you'll find yourself a soulmate. But the key is to be happy. i agree with grvtykllr, life is indeed what you make it. If you think that life sucs 24/7, not many people are gonna want to talk to you. So my advice to you is to go out and get yourself a better outlook on life. See a doctor, have him do what he can about the depression, and see what happens from there. Hope everything turns out alright for ya man.

i feel like why should i reward would-be friends by showing them me at my best if they arent true enough to stik by when shit aint so peachy.

Because you have to establish that friendship at some point. If you get down again after making some friends, your good friends will stick with you. If all they see right now is someone who is depressive and doesn't want to make friends (hence trying to adopt a more outgoing attitude) then there is no real reason for them to start something. You're the one who has to make it happen. Trust me when I say that there are many people out there who are willing to stick with you when "shit ain't so peachy". You just have to find them first and show them that there's a better side to you as well. This forum is living proof of that.

after the PM's you sent me I feel ike your full of shit and why reward you with continued posts?
go get some middle schoo ho to suck ya off and rock you to sleep.

I actualy came to that conclusion after reading his initial post. It didnt ask any quastions, didnt ask for help or advice (which is what this forum is hear for) he just came on hear to have a retarded bitch.

u never heard of venting? fuckin idiots. after my post u thought i was fulla shit? what exactly did i say in that post? ill clear it up for you if you didnt get it the first time.

as i remember it, all i was sayin to u gravity, is that your lil "bad boy" attitude is all show, tryin to act tough... bitches may fall for that shit, but u aint tough chump. garuntee u wont be tryin 2 act tough when nigas roll up 6 deep sayin fuck the world.. u needa become more aware of your mortality in this life, we're all just flesh and bones. whos to say a pack of 3 wolves cant take on 1 wolf? stop tryin to act tough u aint hard. less u never seen a man die, u probably think youre lightweight invincible. but when you REALLY get fucked up, sent to the ER cuz u were steady takin kicks to the ribs for 20mins w/ ur face in the dirt, you wont act so tough anymore. fake ass bitch. i seen alot of shit in my time, dont try and call me out like i ono wtf im talkin bout.

not only that, but i came to speak my mind so u chumps have the oppurtunity to soak some game up. see life from a different perspective. try to experience what itd be like on this side of life, instead of youre lil imaginary happy land dillusional world that u livin in.. im actually hoping some1 can prove me wrong on how every1 is selfish, but no1 can.. thats the problem.

ARE THE FORUMS NOT TO SPEAK MY MIND? fuck..

It wasnt your post you fuckig idiot, it was the PM's, you cant fucking read and understand english?shit like: stupid hoes get played by an image. it aint like jus cuz u act like a bad boy youre tougher than the next man, but they feed into that shit. i used to be the same but i thought i was jus full of myself so i changed my attitude but i do notice i had more bitches back then. wantin 2 suk my dick in the bathroom in middle school and shit lol. stupid hoes or how about the most recent one ?... u aint any tougher than me, bitches just like the show, what u THINK About yourself, thats how bitches see you. you may think youre a badass but i garuntee u wont act so tough when 6 niggas wanna pocket check u, try and speak up then youll get your face stomped in Now you little text typing piece of illiterate shit, you want to talk shit behind a computer screen and think your some sort of bad ass?you call me when you turn 18 and happent o be with in 100 miles of me, Ill be more then happy to give you a fucking demonstartion of whos a bad ass and whos gonna get punked like a little fucking bitch.I said your full of shit and a wanna be bad ass wanna be pimp.I stand by my opinion. learn how to type and stop your wanna be fucking gangsta bullshit.

haha u can come any time you want, mr "badass" i live in Oakland California, 94611, come out here and get ur ass handed to u, chump.aint nobody a wanksta here, u dono wtf i been through, so shut the fuck up. i got nothin to lose, almost stabbed my own brother in his sleep over a beef and u gona try and call me a wanna be.. ole fake ass bitch. u dono wut real tragedy is.

like I said, your real tough hundreds of miles away with no intention of ever backing it up. your a punk ass kid, who couldnt get laid in a whore house with a visa gold card.

i garuntee with every fiber of my being we can make this happen. i aint how ur hopin i am. i garuntee we can meet face to face and see whos bout it then. GARUNTEE It u act like i give a fuck about fuckin stupid hoes. i want a REAL chick, not these fake ass bitches u fuckin wit, cuz thats all they good for. highschool bitches is fake, ur fake. u dont have the heart to kill me, mr "badass"by the way, wanna be PIMP? wut are u on? i aint fucked many bitches, but i know when i did it was when i had that same attitude u did, and its just the image they fall for. u are no tougher than the next man, so stop frontin. i dont claim to be a pimp OR a gangster, but a thug is another story. if u really wanna do this we can set it up and u can see just how i real i am. like i said, Oakland CA mothafuka.

In reply to: im actually hoping some1 can prove me wrong on how every1 is selfish, but no1 can.. thats the problem. I'm probably what yoou'd selfish and am very very happy to be who I am. So bugger you. I like me and my life. if you have a miserable existance then buggers to you. I hope it stays that way. With your kind of outlook on life you deserve to be miserable.

In reply to: instead of youre lil imaginary happy land dillusional world that u livin in There is nothing imaginary about my life. I see the misery in the world and I just dont care enough to do anything about it beyond for those directly around me, like most people.

look son...
you couldnt beat yourself off with out help, you dont strike fear in the heart of anyone besides your local stray ainimals.
Your right though, your not how I hope you are, how i hoped you were is silent. aside from that I dont hope for shit from you.
your another wanna be gangsta, a piece of shit who should be swept off the sweet and into the gutter where noone has to hear your shit anymore.
you say you dropped all your badass attitude and yet here you are spouting bulshit about how bad you are. Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elder berries...

"I'm probably what yoou'd selfish and am very very happy to be who I am. So bugger you. I like me and my life. if you have a miserable existance then buggers to you. I hope it stays that way. With your kind of outlook on life you deserve to be miserable."thats just my point. try and see shit through my eyes then you see why im miserable. but it gives you a more complete outlook on life, so you arent so fickle once you see the bad side, cuz u know u already been there and it cant get u down again. thats what its for.

still talkin that shit, i dont ACT tough to get bitches like youre fake ass, but like i SAID DO U REAAAALLY wanna do this or not? u aint bouta come out here so shut the fuck up, if u were you wouldnt make it home. u may be fuckin with fake ass bitches but if u knew me youde see a different spectrum of people. not every1 online is a wanna be. swear on my life, all this shit im tellin u right here, ide say it straight to ur fake ass face. i dont talk shit behind the comp for security, i do it cuz its the closest i can get to your face right now.

In reply to: thats just my point. try and see shit through my eyes then you see why im miserable. but it gives you a more complete outlook on life, so you arent so fickle once you see the bad side, cuz u know u already been there and it cant get u down again. thats what its for. I'm sure things look pretty shit threw your eyes (not that I know anything about your life circumstances) but I just dont care. That doesnt mean I'm ignorant. I understand why alot of people are miserable I really do. But I dont see reason to do anything for them if they have your kind of personality.

it does make you ignorant cuz you fail to see why you dont care. my kind of personality? what is that exactly? people are the product of their many life experiences, dont act like somethin's wrong with the person ive become. the only reason u dont like me is cuz i dont do somethin for YOU. i dont kiss YOUR ass, i dont sugar coat shit for your sake and peice of mind, youre just too damn sensitive. ive become what it takes to survive in the life ive been given. thats why my personality is the way it is. i wasnt born this way. if you fail to see that then its ignorance.

Actualy I dont like you cos yoour so rude and vulgar.And actualy I DO see why I dont care. I dont care cos I choose not to care. plenty of people choose to care and spend their lives trying to help people. However I've looked at the world and I have seen that really I'd rather largely look out for myself and those around me.And besides why should anyone do anything for you if you dont do anything for them? I dont believe in something for nothing. We work for what we're given.