Really Weird

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you probley had another post about this but why do you need a box why can you just throw them away i have a trash can in my room thats what i do

Well, just as an update to anyone who might be having the same problem, it is getting better. It certainly is not normal yet, but I've gotten a ton more comfortable about it, just letting it happen pretty much, and it's to the point where I feel something very good every single time. Not excellent, often, but very good. One time it was to the point where it made my physically spasm, which is like nothing I had ever felt before. I think it's curable, and I think relaxing and just letting it happen is the answer. I have found socks to be the perfect 'hiding place' for it, and have gotten very comfortable with that as well. 6 months ago I would never have even thought of doing that - what if someone sees it in the washing machine, or what if it dosent come out, or what if it dosent wash out right in the washer, or what if- and I would think these things far too much, and now I just don't worry about it, because it just isn't a big deal. It used to be, but I realized that that is just silly and it needs to stop, and it is stopping very slowly and as a result I seem to be curing it through that. Needless to say it's very exciting to finally be able to feel something I never could feel.

That's very good to hear!

WOW! I think I figured it out... It seemed to be a combination of a few things, including being afraid of making a mess (now solved almost completely), and - you are not going to believe this one - blocking off the feelings subconciously because they were too intense.I don't know how I didn't notice, but I made an effort to feel everything I could, as well as changing technique to a normal one (was doing some weird one that seemed to feel better but really did not), not care about making a mess, and two times in a row now it's felt... Amazing.Is this what it feels like? I'm going to try to describe it and see if it is - I always thought I knew what it felt like (not much of anything), but now I feel something completely different.It feels a little like losing control, then... Like you would feel if you were to jump out of an airplane skydiving. A rush, losing control, and the feelings were so intense I almost felt like I was going to explode and had to block off some of it it was so strong. (I have gotten to the point where I block off intense emotions automatically as it turns out - I had a very rough past emotionally, and as such I just naturally learned technique for dealing with pain, to the point where I did not even feel it anymore - perhaps that's what I did with this because when I felt it it was so intense my mind mistook it for pain?)I have no clue why it just started happening, but I think I found the right combination of mindset (dont worry about anything, focus on only yourself and feelings and not whats going on around you), and technique to just start having them. I sometimes would get one time that felt good, then try again and nothing, but it has never been like this, always something totally different, and never twice in a row.(By the way, I did see the doctor about it and he said that he did not know, perhaps I was just not old enough yet for the hormones to be correct for me to feel it, perhaps he was right and they just changed these last few days... Either way, I'm happier than heck!)

That's very interesting, 3DMapper. Your parents seem very uptight and controlling people, and I wonder how much their attitudes and the corresponding tension have contributed. Whatever it was, you're overcoming it!

I do not know. They are not bad people. She is controlling, but that's more a personality trait, and I could deal with it if she weren't so irritable because of circumstances which have affected both of us in the past.But anyway. Is what I described an orgasm? It sounds like a silly question, and I would think I would know when I felt one, but since I've thought I had other times and this is totally different, I need to make sure...

It sounds like an especially powerful one to me.

Excellent. Update: Still doing good.Question. Laugh if you have to, but I had a bit of a mess-up today. As usual I did my morning routine for discreetly sneaking my 'special' pair of socks out from the side of my bed and putting them in with the morning wash, when about half hour later I realize that the washer is empty again. Hmm. I then see the dryer going... And put two and two together and realized that my socks were being dried, without being washed. Crap. So I opened the dryer and took them out, they were now quite wet from being thrown around with the other clothes, and threw them in the washer for the next load. My question, after you're done laughing at me, is this: Could there be any sign in the clothes in the dryer of what I was doing?

I doubt it.